I changed my surname because DH’s is simpler. I can say it and people don’t have to ask me how to spell it - it’s very easy. 
I also think it’s easier for the kids to have the same last night as both their parents.
I would have hoped we were at the point where women could choose to do what they like in this matter without having to defend/explain their decision.
Women still usually change surname on marriage – why?
I’m going to say the answer in today’s world is because they want to. Same as why some women keep working after they have children and some choose to stay at home. Something that’s also a lot rarer for men to do but do we assume the women who do so are being forced to by societal norms?
Even in China, where name change is rare, children almost always take father’s last names.
It (women work-inside-home or outside) might not be forced by “societal norms” directly, but sometimes the decisions were forced by society’s paying women lower wages, and/or women ‘s professional choices (often lower paying) are still shaped by “societal norms”.
I changed my last name to H’s when we married almost 30 years ago. My H has a hyphenated last name so there was no way I was going to keep my maiden name also and have 3 last names! My younger D has already said that if she marries one day she will keep her maiden name. I think it is great that women have a choice in this matter and can do whatever they like in respect to changing their name or not.
My BIL’s last name is Brown. His mother’s maiden name was also Brown. People think he is stupid when he lists his mother’s maiden name as the same as his name.
When I was little I was told women changed their names when they got married and that my mother’s name used to be Carroll so I though she had changed her name from Carol to Mary. I dreamed of changing my name - to Melissa!
I changed my name when I married the first time (young) and I hated it. The whole thing bothered me- and it wasn’t the guy’s fault! When I married again I kept my name (maiden) which was fine with my husband. We hyphenated both kids’ names and in 1984 when daughter was born, this was still a little unusual and even the hospital pushed back a little. The names go well together and it works. Daughter took her husband’s name (at his insistence) when she married and didn’t initially want to change it back when she divorced almost 10 years later- even though her awful ex tried to insist that she do so! She had just published a book and was known professionally by that name. After about a year she took a deep breathe and changed her name back to the hyphenated name and was surprised at how smoothly the process went. She is soon to be engaged and I suspect there won’t be any name changing. I totally respect those who want the family to have the same name. There’s a lot to be said for that. I’m been inadvertently rude on the phone to people who call me “Mrs. (his name)” thinking it was a junk call.
I guess I’m struggling with why people care what my choice is in this matter. To me it’s not that different than the decision to go to college or not, to get married or not, to have children or not, to work outside of the home or not, to be interested in STEM or humanities or everything. These are my choices, and I made them. I’m happily living my life, and hopefully you are, too.
I changed my name more than 30 years ago. I am not defined by my last name; I didn’t “lose my identity” by changing it. My birth last name was my father’s, so it is just as misogynistic to retain it as to change it, with the sole difference being that the latter was my choice. I also wanted my new nuclear family to have the same name. To me, it wasn’t a symbol of oppression; it was a symbol of the new family. And I do know men who have taken their wives’ last names for the same reason.
My parents were immigrants. When they became American citizens back in the '50s, they had the option to change their last names. My father wanted to change it to something less Eastern European. But my brother had already been born and had the original name, and because he was born here, it would have required a legal name change with all the complexities that involved to change his last name. So rather than have different names (and mine would have been the Americanized name), they kept the original.
I changed mine-- and took my maiden name as my new middle name. 1.) Because I wanted to share a family surname with my kids and husband. 2.) I do not feel close with my father and had no desire to keep his name. I had not made a name for myself career-wise by the time I married, otherwise I might have not changed it.
I know a few women who changed their names and thought maybe they shouldn’t have including a women who became Michelle Mishell and another whose married name is Rochelle Rachelle. Those are just unfortunate lol. They get a lot of “but what’s your last name?” when it sound like they are just repeating their first name. Also thought maybe these women I came across in the course of my job should have have thought twice given the rhymes: Rita Kreeda, Julia Giulia, and Avery Lavery. Other than those I don’t give much thought to whether a woman changes her name
I changed my name 30 years ago because, not only could I hardly wait to get rid of my maiden name, but in my conservative area, if a man and woman didn’t have the same last name, it was assumed they weren’t married. I also liked the convenience of everyone in our household using the same last name.
Daughter is getting married next year, and she is keeping her maiden name. I would guess second daughter will do the same if she ever decides to get married.
I took my H’s name and never once have I given it a thought. It doesn’t say anything about my views on society, or patriarchy or identity, the dynamics of our relationship etc. it’s just something I never considered important enough to ponder.
Lauren Bush Lauren.
I’m sure things are a little weird at family gatherings when her first name is their last name. “Lauren? where are you Lauren” and 20 heads turn.
I knew a family where the oldest son was always named John + Mother’s maiden name, and called by the mother’s maiden name. Again, at any family party on mother’s side, everyone had that name.
“I knew a family where the oldest son was always named John + Mother’s maiden name, and called by the mother’s maiden name. Again, at any family party on mother’s side, everyone had that name.”
This is pretty common in the south for girls too with many named Mary + mothers maiden name . My work colleagues in Alabama have daughters using their moms maiden name. One is named Mary Carmichael ( called “ Carmichael”) and another has a Mary Arlington who is called “Marlington” or “ “Marley” in a mashing of her first and last names.
And then there’s a friend whose family was Israeli. Her maiden name was ben-Joseph . And her kids name is Ben Joseph Levy (husbands last name.)
My son’s band instructor took his wife’s last name when they were married.
I’ve been married and divorced twice. It would have been a lot easier keeping my maiden name than going through all the name change stuff…repeatedly. I kept my second’s ex’s last name because we have a young son and it’s just easier having the same name as him. I don’t have the same last name as my older son and I get sick of explaining my relationship to him. However, I don’t know if I’m going to keep this last name forever, I feel like I was branded by my ex who I really can’t stand anymore (and who also doesn’t fully recognize that we are divorced so having the same name is not helpful).
I grew up with an odd-looking Czech last name, easy to say, but no one ever got it right the first time looking at the spelling. Growing up, I endured all kinds of teasing from kids who contorted it into something derogatory. I just hated my last name and couldn’t wait to change it. I actually let a relationship cool once because the guy’s last name was as bad as mine and I couldn’t see living with either of our last names. When I met DH, the first thing he had going for him (besides his hair) was his last name had only four letters and is a common word. If we ever divorced, I’d keep his name.
This.
My maiden name (which I kept) isn’t even my birth name. It is my stepfather’s name. I took it (or I guess my mother gave it to me) when I was young and living in the household with my mother and stepfather. It was easier for me since not that many people were divorced back in the 50s, it seemed. I kept that name forever and my father’s family eventually made peace with it. It was an issue for the early years, though.
A couple of my half-joking requirements for a spouse were that future H be bigger than me and have a normal last name. My maiden name shouldn’t be hard to pronounce, but everyone always messed it up, probably because it’s so easy to make fun of. I’ve heard all of the jokes. I was very glad to get married and let it drop. I do not tie my identify to my name in any way, and I was young enough that I hadn’t even begun working F/T professional. But, I do like ease and simplicity. It is much easier with everyone having the same name.
Change it if you want. Don’t change it if you want. Whatever someone chooses to do with their name makes no difference to me. It’s their choice.
Now I do like being in the beginning of the alphabet! Both my maiden and married name are in the beginning.
Of course every woman has the right to change or not change. It is interesting to me the reasons why women still want to change their name on marriage. It is not that hard to say the Jones-Smith family instead of just the Jones family.
It seems to me that many women of my generation that were more highly educated kept their names, but that was still a small percentage. The women I know who are younger have for the most part taken their husband’s name, regardless of their education level or type of work.
I kept my name, but always answered to Mrs. (DH’s name) with the kids and schools. However, I still used my own name when filling out forms. I sometimes would hyphenate for school committees etc so they would know whose mom was coming in. I once had a nurse send back a form questioning my name as legitimate for my kid.
Hyphenation seems not to work. What happens with the next generation? Now there are four names.