<p>There is no question that these guys saying “DAMN” are objectifying this woman. And that’s intimidation and harassment.</p>
<p>As a matter of fact, I had on a pair of cords, long sleeve shirt, down vest that covered my bottom and caught the bus to meet dd last week on campus. While on the bus, I had comments! “Wow, I love your shape” & “Can I get some of that?” </p>
<p>I even had on a Yale baseball cap with a little blush because I am very pale and need some color. No eyeliner, lipstick or mascara.</p>
<p>I’ve been harassed, and every woman I know who has walked alone in a city has been harassed. I disagree with the poster who said that tight jeans are thought of as particularly chosen to invite harassment. Tight jeans are the neutral fashion right now, what most young women are wearing. Indeed, I’m sure many of the female posters here have a pair of them. </p>
<p>I have even been harassed wearing my work scrubs. You can’t get any more conservative than that.</p>
<p>I’m quite surprised that anybody would think that what she was wearing is inviting any kind of comment. She’s in all black (common in the city), isn’t wearing heels, isn’t wearing a low-cut top, etc. This is New York–there are throngs of people dressed like she is.</p>
<p>It would be interesting to see more of the footage. I’ll bet there would be a lot of guys who are clearly checking her out but who didn’t say anything. How much of a problem that is may be a different question.</p>
<p>Rhandco, I disagree wth you big time.</p>
<p>Verbal assault is not acceptable. That is what these comments are. You aren’t an object. </p>
<p>How is my daughter going to report the spit? The guy was behind her. Making comments. Comments that I guess some people think are ok. The comments are not ok. She tried to ignore him. Next thing she knows the guy spits all over her. The way she described it , I did not realize a person was capable of spitting in such quantity. </p>
<p>She never got a good look at the guy. </p>
<p>Really, Flossy, you had to make yourself as an “ugly chick”? Somebody is full of themselves. 8-| </p>
<p>LOL! It’s true. I had a costume and I wasn’t the only.A beautiful black girlfriend had a parka, ponytail, and mom jeans that she would throw over her clothes for late night subway rides. That was our reality. Sorry.</p>
<p>Okay, so you live in New Haven (apparently), and you take buses a lot. I am lucky, I have rarely taken buses without my husband at my side. I have rarely taken trains without my husband at my side. I just try not to get into situations, but yes, sometimes you can’t help it.</p>
<p>If you have to take public transportation, yes you will be much more subject to harassment. Virtually all the reports of flashers and touchers and upskirters is from subways or buses.</p>
<p>My brother lives very near New Haven, and his wife was killed there. I would not want to live or work there.</p>
<p>Anyway, my question to you is - what can we do?<br>
- I am doing my part to educate my children, both boys and girls, that it is not their right to comment on someone else’s body or look in any way. I tell them that men and women are the same where it counts, in the brain, and bothering someone who looks good or bad to you is wrong.
- When we get all hung up on bullying in schools, how much attention do we spend on harassment? Is the focus too much on teasing rather than calling out a “hot chick” or stalking a classmate?</p>
<p>I feel like everyone is an individual, and you have a right not to be bothered, but it is individuals who are harassing you. You make it sound like the world is out to get you, to bother you every day, and that is very sad.</p>
<p>It is scary to me that perhaps up to half our population has no idea of what the other half considers offensive and has to put up with. It is also scary to me how many individual instances of harassment this woman and other posters have encountered and still do. </p>
<p>I feel fortunate that in general I have not been subjected to too much harassment from random strangers, but as indicated, I am careful about routes I travel and times I travel them. </p>
<p>My D was alarmed when she was riding her bike near campus and a group of young men started calling out to her and crossing the street toward her. She took off at a rapid clip and disappeared on campus. </p>
<p>The first time this hapened to my kid I was with her but walking far enough behind that the guy didn’t realize we were together. She was about 14 and looked like she was walking alone through the theater district in San Francisco. The guy did the walking beside her hello beautiful thing exactly like the video. To me it was rally no big deal because this is kinda normal in my world. But she was scared. Anyway, now she knows about the traveling costume.</p>
<p>Hmmmm like the world is out to get me? Did I ever say that? Lol okay @rhandco. Now you are trying make me look like some crazed paranoid person. After blaming the woman in the video and me calling you out on it. Okay! If it makes you feel good/works for you. And no, I don’t take the bus a lot. Maybe 4 times per year? Maybe less? </p>
<p>Just pray that your own dd isn’t harassed or even worse, spit on…I guess you can’t understand it until you or someone in your family experiences it. </p>
<p>Sorry Flossy, a traveling costume? I won’t change my clothing nor will I tell my daughter to make herself ugly for the sake of idiots. Do you think a rapist is going to care that you made yourself less pretty?</p>
<p>I think it’s good that this video is out there and is getting noticed. Perhaps some people really don’t know that what they are doing is offensive (although I doubt it). Maybe it will result in more other people intervening.</p>
<p>I hesitate to add this, but I guess I will: the guys who do this are mostly low-lifes. They are the same kinds of guys who play their music loud on the subway, who sprawl across multiple seats, etc., etc., etc. How you get through to them, I don’t know.</p>
<p>@Hunt, you don’t. They are ignorant and we can’t expect anything from them. But what I find is worse is the posters who say that her tight jeans, her makeup or the way she walked brought unwanted, creepy comments. You expect others to know better and they don’t. SMH.</p>
<p>“Okay, so you live in New Haven (apparently), and you take buses a lot. I am lucky, I have rarely taken buses without my husband at my side. I have rarely taken trains without my husband at my side. I just try not to get into situations, but yes, sometimes you can’t help it.”</p>
<p>To me, this still sounds kind of like placing responsibility on women. Try not to get into situations? Why is it a “situation” to take public transportation alone? I do it all the time. I love to solo travel also and will continue to do so. I think it’s good to be smart about your surroundings, but I am not about to limit my life either. Women shouldn’t have to have a man by their side to feel safe, and we shouldn’t accept it, if that’s the way things are.</p>
<p>I find it odd that one never goes out without a man by her side. But didn’t mention that in my last post. Doesn’t anyone work? Have a life outside of their spouse? What about women who are divorced? Single women who have never been married? Should our daughters marry or stay with a man just to have a 24 hour/ATC guard to protect them? </p>
<p>Well, I see nothing wrong with dressing down to make yourself invisible if that’s what the situation calls for as a young woman traveling alone. Also, I agree with the posters who suggest that if the actress had not been dressed in skin tight head to toe black clothing with heavy hair and makeup she would have likely attracted significantly less unwanted attention. Maybe, that’s unfortunate, but it is reality.</p>
<p>She wasn’t traveling; she was walking on the sidewalks in New York City. She was just demonstrating something that is already well known to anybody who has spent much time walking around in New York City–this happens all the time, and not just to women who are dressed up and made up. Her clothing and makeup where entirely unremarkable for New York.</p>
<p>
You don’t get through to them. At least as a woman. I’ve been harassed since I was 12 and I do take public transportation all the time. You are right, it is low-lives (more upscale men have different habits, just not this one) who do this and the only thing that can be done, aside from ignoring which is the best alternative, is to have a man willing to defend you. They only do this stuff to women alone, obviously, and if you get a flasher or groper on the bus regularly (which I have had), then you need a man to deal with it. Sad but true. THIS is the exact reason why I have always said that if I could have three wishes, I would be a very large man for just one day.</p>