Women: your tactics for training your men to be more communicative? (Yes, it

Parent Cafe
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<p>I would like older couple’s opinions on communication in relationships </p>

<p>I truly believe that some relationships progressive faster emotionally because of a certain dynamic that depends on the guy’s willingness to point out certain things to a girl, which in that case leads the girl to respond and explain her actions.</p>

<p>Exhibit:</p>

<p>Boy (26) likes (24) girl, but boy’s body language somehow makes girl think that he doesn’t like her.</p>

<p>Boy and girl are dating, watching a movie together. Girl is repeatedly thinking that boy isn’t open to her affections (cuddling on couch, watching a movie), so she hugs her dog the whole time (or cat)</p>

<p>Then…</p>

<p>Case 1:<br>
Boy: how come you are hugging that darn dog this whole time? Or: What’s up with you and that darn dog? (annoyed and maybe hurt/jealous at darn dog)</p>

<p>Girl: well, I tried to lean against you just now and you just brushed me off</p>

<p>Boy: Oh did I? I’ve been engrossed in this movie. I think I was just laughing at that funny scene and my shoulder jerked.</p>

<p>Girl leans against guy, movie watching is resumed. Problem solved!</p>

<p>OR</p>

<p>Case 2:</p>

<p>Boy: (Thinks to himself, I drove ALL the way HERE and she’s sitting on opposite side of couch? I guess she isn’t into me that much. )à makes a judgement about the girl.</p>

<p>Girl: Hmm…I think that he doesn’t really care about me….</p>

<p>Boy and Girl remain emotionally distant</p>

<p>…Of Course it’s rarely that simple, but what if you have a finance and he demonstrates case 2 all the time?</p>

<p>And the man never listens to nagging or even careful mentioning of these things?</p>

<p>–Of course, men ALWAYS want to be the one with the great ideas, so if the women has the idea to mention that he needs to be more communicative, then he doesn’t want to do it because it’s not his idea. There needs to be a way to plant that idea into him!</p>

<p>1.) Seasoned people in relationships: how do you go about getting your man to be more communicative instead of just going directly to judgements about the girl?
2.) AND, say the man doesn’t think that being communicative is very Manly, than how would you go about explaining that in relationships, being somewhat sensitive/ open/communicative isn’t a sign of weakness? I mean, I’m not asking for Fabio here, just how to get the man to open up! : )</p>

<p>–AND, does anybody watch desperate housewives? Aren’t Lynette and Tom Scavo’s senario an awfully lot like case #2? And don’t they have the most durable marriage (not that they are anything at all to model on lol )</p>

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<p>What an odd post. Blatantly sexist title aside (how would users react if someone posted a thread with the title “how do you train your women?”), it is awfully difficult to understand what you are exactly trying to say, or what you are asking.</p>

<p>I don’t quite see how your two cases given, demonstrate the effects of communication which you are inquiring. What does a woman misinterpreting a laughter induced jerking of the shoulder as a brushoff have to do with the communication efforts of the man? Likewise, your second scenario displays to me an equally mutual lack of communication than from any one party involved.</p>

<p>Not to mention, the claim that “if the women has the idea to mention that he needs to be more communicative, then he doesn’t want to do it because it’s not his idea” is so unwarranted, it is about as generalized and stereotyped as saying women can’t drive cars.</p>

<p>Yes, some couples like to cuddle, others don’t. Yes, some relationships need that sort of “cute” physical closeness to affirm itself, others don’t, either because they operate at a deeper intellectual level, or they are simply not at that sort of level. So?</p>

<p>I’m sorry that you are currently in an unsatisfactory relationship. Perhaps this thread would’ve been better suited for a young/mid-aged women’s romance forum than for College Confidential’s Parents thread.</p>

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<p>What makes you think you can “train” a man to do anything? It’s the age-old lament of women is that most men don’t respond very well to their wives’ attempts to mold them into being someone else.</p>

<p>Rules of Thumb:
A woman marries a man thinking she will soon change him into the perfect man she wants. And she’s wrong - he never changes into something else.</p>

<p>A man marries a woman thinking she is already perfect and will will never change. And he’s wrong - she always changes into something else.</p>

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<p>My Venus husband tried to train his Mars wife to be more Venus like for all these years. He has not succeed yet. But she has other things to offer to him (like loyalty and perseverance), so he tolerates her, and gasp, even loves her.</p>

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<p>Well, I get what you are trying to ask, but reality is you don’t “train” anyone. From your post, it seems you are new to the boy-girl relationship scenario. In building your relationship, overtime and with experience, communication is key. Let your needs be known and don’t assume you know what is going on in someone’s head. That leaves a lot of room for hurt, miscommunication and wasted time. If after awhile, you are not getting your needs met in the relationship and things don’t look like they will change, it’s time to reevaluate and move on. People rarely change unless they want to and they have a vested interest in it.</p>

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<p>What if I have a fiance (is what I think you meant) and he demonstrates Case #2 all the time?</p>

<p>He would not have been my fiance to begin with. Communication, both verbal and non-verbal, can take a while a while to establish. It comes from talking with, being with and getting to know a person over time. It is not just words. If you can’t get to a true understanding of each other, you should not be planning to get married yet.</p>

<p>And as to the Desperate Housewives couple? IT’S TV!!! They can make the characters do or say anything they want. Don’t take relationship advice from a soap opera, aim to make yours like theirs, nor model your relationships after one.</p>

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<p>I’m having a hard time believing this is a serious post.</p>

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<p>As a side note…My husband gets totally engrossed in movies and I could jump around naked and he would not notice…though that wouldn’t be as enticing of a vision as it would have 30 years ago:p</p>