Word choice questions

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I am reviewing a personal statement for a student (college senior) who is applying for a fellowship for next year. Two things he wrote struck me as a little off, but I don’t want to flag them unless they sound off to other people. So, let me know what you think of these:</p>

<p>“_____ was the most interesting and challenging thing I had ever studied.” [He is supposed to be discussing his intellectual development, and he is describing a subject he first encountered in high school. I think it is “thing” that bothers me.]</p>

<p>“If . . ., why can the rest of the world not get along as well?” [He is describing an inter-religious activity; I think what bothers me is the separation of “can” and “not.”]</p>

2

<p>I agree</p>

<p>Thing is bad - change to subject, topic, etc.</p>

<p>Move the can next to the not</p>

3

<p>How about…“why is the rest of the world unable to get along as well.”</p>

4

<p>… it was the most interesting experience I encountered…
… it was the most interesting topic I ever studied …
… it was the most interesting person I ever met …
… it was the most interesting event I ever experienced …
… it was the most interesting subject I ever studied… </p>

<p>Why can’t the rest of the world get along … ?</p>

5

<p>"… I had ever studied." → “… I have ever studied.”</p>

<p>"… why can the rest of the world not get along as well?"</p>

<p>“why can” -> “why cannot”</p>

<p>“not get along as well” - As well as what?</p>

<p>Did he say something like: “If the Hatfields and McCoys resolved their differences, why cannot the rest of the world get along as well?”</p>

6

<p>I usually just put a thick wavy line under the whole sentence, hand it back to Happydad, and say, “This doesn’t work. Rewrite it again.”</p>