Not sure if I mentioned (I think I did?) but I have a Ph.D. in neuroscience from a top-tier research institute. Today it occurred that with some additional specialized coursework, training + certification or post-doc, I might be able to transition into a the field of psychology, become a LCSW, CBT therapist or neuropsychologist. I realize the scope here is wide but having my neuroscience doctorate might be a big help. I earned it in 2004 and did two years postdoc work at a different top research institute. Am I too old to change fields?
Sorry if I sound all over the place but I’m trying to figure out how to get traction and move forward. I want to help kids who struggle like my kid but who don’t have access to the resources and support my kid has. I want to be passionate about what I do in life.
Certification as a Board Certified Behavior Analyst might not be a bad direction either, although you would need to work with a broader range of ASD kids, and I don’t think you are too old to change fields.
Sweetie, you are being pulled in too many directions right now. The grief alone from your mother is a doozie. Time to stop worrying about career trajectories and get you on solid footing. You alone. If you can financially afford to stop working for a little bit I would do so. So you can have time to walk, journal, go get coffee…for more than 3 days. Find you in all of this because until you do you cannot be everyone else’s everything. Just stop the madness. The women’s movement may have sold us a bill of goods in one sense in that we now believe we have to have it all together in every facet of our lives every second. You are spinning with all kinds of plans and new ideas when what it seems to me is you need to get off the carousel for a few turns and sit on the bench and watch.
^^^^^^^THIS!!! You have our permission to step back for however long it takes, to get some joy back into your life. You will not be letting anyone down, and there will be plenty of opportunities including some that you cannot even imagine right now if you can keep your health together.
No, you are not too old to change fields! Just ask any patent attorney if they have a colleague who worked in tech for more than ten years before switching career, and they will name a few and maybe even point to themselves.
That said, I agree with the other posters. You have way too much on your hands now and you are still grieving. Deep breath.
I agree that you have had WAY too much on your plate for too long. It’s time to stop and reassess. Since it sounds like you can afford it, STRONGLY consider a FMLA or some other leave while you regroup and reassess. You’re still reeling from all that you are doing–processing the grief from your mom’s death, your challenging child, juggling 2 kids, having a spouse with a very demanding career, AND your career issues. You have TONS of options, but you really need a clear had and some time to process which ones YOU want most.
FWIW, I have made some interesting career shifts over the years. I went from working in a trial law firm to staying at home and being PTA president/room mom/team mom and helping care for kids with chronic health issues to being a special ed hearing officer and then being a trial judge to now starting a running a nonprofit. It’s been a journey and bumpy at times but mostly fascinating.
You DESERVE to figure out what will work FOR YOU and YOUR FAMILY. There is no one right answer, other than what YOU and your family want. Take the time to think it through and process. None of us are indispensible at work.
I have 2 sons, ages 13 and 17. I quit my job when my younger son was born. My H was working long hours and I was worn out with trying to work and be a mother.
From my vantage point, I would encourage you to find a part time position in an office that brings you joy. (You stated above that you have worked for 20 years on you career and it doesn’t t bring you joy.) It is very difficult to re-enter the workforce if you stop working completely. Your idea to work from home is fine and many people do this, but the reality of staring at laundry, thinking about cooking dinner and picking up endless messes is very distracting.
I wish you all the best. Please take care of yourself and work some time into your schedule for yourself. I really don’t think you will regret making this change. You might experience moments of doubt, but what mother doesn’t?
It’s tough, isn’t it. We’ve been told we must lean in. That our most productive years are in our 30s-40s and if we step back, the career will never recover. It really isn’t true (maybe if aiming for the CEO or VP chair but otherwise, not really). New opportunities will present themselves, especially in our digital age, but @eyemamom is so right, you are a spinning top right now and it is difficult to see anything with clarity in that mode. Slow down, stop, find some stillness. Let the right way forward present itself.
I am a MD and for decades have done 4 hr round trip commutes on top of my 10 hour days. My DH does not travel and I do not have an aspie kiddo. Just wanted to put out another idea, which I’m sure that you have thought about before… What about a live in or live out nanny, housecleaner, cook type of person?
You can get counseling and maybe a 2-4 week vacation or stay at home vacation and train this new helper. Then you can work the hours that work best for you.
Or can you take a year sabbatical since you are at a Reasearch U while you recharge and regroup?
Only you can decide what you can or cannot handle and what will give you the most satisfaction, though.
Fwiw, I worried a bit about walking away from my law career when I stopped to raise our kids but not too much. When I was ready to re-enter the workforce, I did a 4 year stint as a part-time special end hearings officer then a part time judge and finally created a nonprofit dealingbwith a health issue. For me and my family it has worked fine.
Agree that for some families, hiring a fulltime nanny is a great option, or taking a sabbatical and considering a career switch. There are many paths, but the one you are currently in sounds pretty bad and like it needs to be reworked. The regular crying is a bad sign.
When my two were toddlers, we had nannies. Best thing ever. I did not have to worry about working late, getting caught in traffic, etc. While they did not do regular housecleaning, they did do grocery shopping, kept the kids rooms clean, did the kids laundry and picked up the family room and kitchen. Sometimes they made dinner. The biggest plus was not stressing over getting caught in traffic.
You are not too old to change fields. I did it even older! But consider your talents and natural inclination/curiousity. Taking care of people as a therapist is going to be very different than a career as a scientist (or with scientists). You may find fulfillment in meeting so many different kinds of people, or you may find that you really miss the intellectual aspects of your current career and working with colleagues who are interested in the things that you are interested in. It is really hard to say! You may find that if you do go the route of getting training in another area, you end up somewhere in between what you did before and your new training. You could be the one thinking outside the box!
