Hi,
so here’s my trouble: I’ve got 39 credits left (to get my BS in Mathematics ) and I have 18 credits this semester. I took so many classes because I really just want to be done with this. Math wasn’t something I wanted to study (I wanted to study Acting or Any other form of Art - but circumstances didn’t allow me to choose that for myself. Anyways, that’s not important. What’s important is that I hate math but I’ve managed to come this far! )
So far, I’ve done a crappy job on most of my mid-terms. When I say crappy I mean below average scores and in one particular class, despite studying a lot (when people saw my flashcards they said I was gonna be top mark! ), I got the lowest grade. Granted, most everyone cheated on that exam and I didn’t, but I still thought I did much better than 25%…
I can’t afford to fail any classes this semester. I don’t care if I pass with C’s, I just want to pass so that I’ll have only 21 credits left and then I might be able to finish. (It’s gonna take me 5 years to finish) … it’s just that if I keep failing and doing this badly, then I might not even graduate… and that just shouldn’t happen. I’ve tried, for four years. I drove myself and my family insane. I took pills, I self harmed, I struggled. I bled and got this far… I can’t deal with the stress and pressure I’m under. I’m tired…
I just wanna cry all the time. I was so mad about my grade in that class today, that when the scores were announced, I just left campus and came home and cried myself to sleep.
Go to the college health center for counseling right away. Also, report the cheaters.
I’m sick of counselors… I changed 6 doctors in 9 months ! I was diagnosed with everything you can imagine, depression - anxiety - ADD - personality disorders - … I took so many drugs to help (for depression, anxiety and ADD), and they did, but after a while it was back to my crappy self.
I don’t think it’s just the mental disorders. I have to change something, it’s just that I feel it’s too late to take an entire new approach!
Your problem may be trying to pursue a life that doesn’t feel genuine – you apparently are doing what someone else wants you to do, not what you want to do. Maybe what you need counseling for is to figure out how to move to a life that matters to you. But strangers on the internet probably aren’t going to be much help. And I still think you should report the cheaters. Even if they can’t pin them this time, reporting HOW people are cheating may help prevent it in the future.
@YeamF93 , let me offer some advice … listen to the posts in this thread advising you to get to a counselor. You are under TOO MUCH PRESSURE, whether self-imposed or not.
You need a time out. Your mental health and well being is worth more than any education or status.
You can always come back to it. It will be there when you do. There is no train leaving the station that you must catch.
Stop where you are now and decompress. Get to a counselor. There is no shame in this whatsoever. You need a little help. We all do sometimes. Trust me. Life is a marathon … and you’re sprinting with a refrigerator on your back.
Not at all a fair state for you to endure.
I agree with @intparent - reassess why you’re doing something that does not make you happy (and in fact is making you miserable), especially in light of other challenges you are dealing with.
I feel for you kid. Please, don’t give up on counseling. It has saved people I’ve known dealing with even heavier loads that the one you describe.
It’s never too late to take a new approach. Be kind to yourself. And forget about the cheaters. That will resolve itself on its own in time. Focus on making you better and control what you can control.
As another said, internet strangers can only do so much. But let us know how it’s going.
Please listen to the commentors in this thread. I sometimes tell my students: you are going to spend 50% of your waking adult life and your job. There is no amount of money, prestige, or other peoples interests, that justifies torturing you for eight hours a day, five days a week, for the rest of your existence.
You are clearly an intelligent person, to have gotten so far in a program you do not like. It may be that your current difficulties with your studies are a subconscious message from yourself, warning you of the consequences of continuing to pursue a degree in the field you despise.
Obviously none of us here know your specific circumstances, or what you feel compelled you to choose this field of study so far. But a reassessment seems necessary.
Best wishes.