worried about journal entry

<p>I have been on CC for a couple of years and have gotten excellent college advice. However, I had to change my user name as my DD still uses the site every now and then to get information.</p>

<p>I am the mom of a college sophomore. Yesterday, my younger DD, who is in HS came to me worried. She had been in older DD’s room searching for a book and found her journal on her desk. Initially thinking it was a cool book, she opened it. DD had not kept a journal before and even when I had seen it previously, I thought it was a cool book. However, she found some disturbing stuff. She felt guilty for reading her journal but was worried enough about what she saw to come to me.</p>

<p>Basically, she said that her sister had written that she was having extreme anxiety. She finds herself crying at night and cannot sleep. She also wrote that she is upset that she often pushes people away and what concerns me the most is that she mentioned having bad thoughts and she feels bad about it.</p>

<p>Although, I have noticed that she barely sleeps, I chalked it up to college schedules and social life. She has always been a little bit of a worrier and can be snappy. Otherwise, this comes as a complete surprise to me. I don’t know how to approach her without further uspetting her that someone looked in her journal. She might push me away. From what I see, DD seems very happy in college. She seems happy at home and cannot wait to get back to school for the fall semester. She is always texting or facebooking her friends from school and making plans for the upcoming year.</p>

<p>DD is a shy girl but with a friendly disposition. She graduated top of her HS class and was accepted to all the schools she applied to and is currently attending a top University. While in HS, she held a couple of leadership positions in clubs, but she had few friends. Mainly because, she did not see eye to eye with their lifestyles. There were many “preppy” kids in her school that were concerned about the latest designer bag and shoes and she could care less. She felt she did not fit in and was happy to leave that crowd behind. She still has a couple HS friends that she keeps in touch with to keep her busy when she is home. However, for the most part, she is in her room reading or chatting with her college friends. </p>

<p>She initially was apprehensive to go to a school a few states or an airplane ride away where she knew no one, but that is what she wanted. As soon as she got there, she was immediately accepted and became part of a group of friends. She even met a wonderful boy who has the same values she does. So for the most part, I felt she was happy. Her grades fell a little, mostly because she got too ambitious with her class selections, but she is still above a 3.0. She has been open with me about stuff in general. For example, she told me she has tried beer, but did not like it. She lets me see her facebook. She has approached me with questions regarding sex, etc… So, if she had anxiety, I would expect her to tell me so. I don’t understand. The symptoms point to depression. Is is possible, to appear to be content all the time and them be secretly depressed?</p>

<p>I don’t know how to approach this and even worse, we are only a week away of sending her off to school, so there is no time to go talk to a counselor. </p>

<p>Any advice would be appreciated.</p>

<p>This is just one opinion. </p>

<p>It is possible that your daughter uses her journal to express those occasional moments of emotional angst, or drama, that float through the minds of young people like clouds. Meaning, emotions that are strong for a moment here and there, but not a constant presence, or an overriding problem. I suspect she would be upset and embarrassed if she knew her thoughts were being read by others. At this point, I don’t think you or your younger daughter should mention the journal.</p>

<p>All the other signs you describe are those of a happy, engaged, young person. Keep a close eye on your daughter. Talk to her about her life. If you see or hear nothing other than her journal writing that concerns you, I think she’ll be fine.</p>

<p>Caveat:
Were the “bad thoughts” your daughter mentioned suicidal thoughts? If so, I would take the whole thing much more seriously, and I would talk to her right away. If not, my comments above stand.</p>

<p>Since you noticed on your own that she has trouble sleeping, consider asking her about that. That can also be tied into your on-your-own observation that she is a bit of a worrier. Has she been noticeably upset about her grades? </p>

<p>As you noted, these symptoms raise the possibility of depression, so consider asking her directly if she experiences depression. You could also mention, if it seems appropriate in light of the conversation, that if she ever wanted counseling over sleep or worry or depression issues, you would support that. </p>

<p>I agree with Skyhook about suicidal thoughts. If younger DD did not explicitly mention suicidal thoughts being in the journal, consider asking younger DD specifically if she read anything about suicide in the journal. Also, if a conversation with older DD starts to really worry you, ask older DD specifically if she has or has had suicidal thoughts.</p>

<p>Thank you for your feedback. Younger DD did not say that there was anything specific about the "bad thoughts’ but I will ask her again. It is a good suggestion to approach her about the sleeplessness. We feel bad about seeing the journal but if we had not seen it, we would not even have a clue. But I agree, that it is better not to mention it. Hopefully, she will open up.</p>

<p>I am sending you a PM, aworriedmom.</p>

<p>I am a father.</p>

<p>If I was in your situation, I would tell her the truth, and tell her that you read her journal by mistake.</p>

<p>I don’t want to scare you, but I had someone who worked for me whose daughter committed suicide because her boyfriend broke up with her. Kids can do crazy things. I am not saying that is your situation by any means, but even if there is a 1% chance, you have to combat it. Find out specifically what is bothering her, and explain to her that something that seems like a big problem now will probably be something she won’t even remember in a couple years. </p>

<p>Nip the problem in the bud, before it gets out of hand.</p>

<p>If it was suicide, I’d call one of those suicide prevention hot lines and ask for advice. </p>

<p>If it wasn’t, just ask about the sleeping. </p>

<p>Don’t tell her about her sister seeing the journal, unless you want to destroy the relationship between your Ds and guarantee that your younger D will stop telling you things.</p>

<p>Also, I would check out the mental health resources at your daughter’s school. Many, many students are treated for depression-related conditions, and there is probably a therapist who could help her. You could suggest she see a school therapist for her sleeping problem, and let the therapist take it from there.</p>

<p>Your daughter might be using her journal like the “Get things off your chest” thread. She might be writing down things that are bothering her so as to try and keep the anxious thoughts from spinning around in her head and keeping her awake.</p>

<p>I keep a Journal to explore personalities and behaviors that bother me. Much of it is MADE UP … hypotheticals and flights of fancy designed to explore my reactions to particular traits. I’m sure any well adjusted person would find those Journal entries disturbing. (Knowing this, I did tell my family that the entries were fantasy … just in case they stumbled across an entry.)</p>

<p>On the other hand, many acts of self-harm come as a surprise to parents, siblings and friends. So I’m inclined to follow FloridaDad’s advice … tell here that you read a bit of her diary by mistake. The girl’s response should speak volumes.</p>

<p>I agree with others that the starting with the difficulty sleeping makes sense. The issues that have been recently linked to sleep problems in the media are vast and could be a good way to connect the dots. Mood issues, anxiety, trouble concentrating, etc.
Also, sometimes when journal are left out in the open, there is a wish that they are read.
All the best. It sounds like your daughter is often comfortable talking to you, which is a big plus.</p>

<p>Thank you everyone for your advice, suggestions and support. I agree that maybe I should approach her about the sleep issue and suggest she talk to a counselor at school. She might be more willing to open up then. I am working on talking to her either tonight or tomorrow the latest, as soon as she is alone.</p>