Worried

Parents Forum
1

<p>So, the admissions game is over and done, and the results are less than stellar. Rejected at Reaches (Brown, MIT, Stanford), and Wait-listed at Possibles (Tufts, Middlebury, and WashU). I’ve decided to go with my safety, Tulane, and I’m finding I love it more and more by the day. I kind of feel lucky that I got rejected and wait-listed everywhere else because otherwise I never would have looked at Tulane. But, there’s one thing that keeps nagging in the back of my head.</p>

<p>My dad’s been close to me my entire life. He knows me better than anybody else, and I spend a great deal of time with him. Especially with the college search process. My mom got sick when I was really young, so he was the one carting me from college campus to college campus. Considering that most were sixteen hour drives, it was quite a bit of time. We’ve had some fun conversations and stuff, and he’s most definitely on board with Tulane.</p>

<p>The only problem with it, is that my dad has been somewhat “unsupportive” through the rest of the admissions process. We hired an independent counselor (The Counselor at my school is somewhat clueless to the admissions process as well), and he didn’t take to her too kindly. She kept wanting me to go to a liberal arts school, and he was extremely extremely against the idea. At one point, he even claimed “A Good Liberal Arts Degree Would Get You a Great Job at McDonald’s.” My dad is not typically so closed-minded, this is one of very few cases I can think of. In fact, he supports of my love of anime and gaming, and has even agreed to accept my decision of going to an anime convention instead of National Math Field Day. But, before rejections came, he was completely for Stanford, while I kept lobbying for Brown. He’s for Tulane in a similar manner, and radically against Middlebury in the same way he didn’t like Brown. I’ve never really felt comfortable lobbying for the wait-list, so I’m not planning on the call, but I’m afraid that the only reasons I’m liking Tulane is because my dad wants me to go there. </p>

<p>But, every day I feel like I love Tulane more, just from researching it. The Web, facebook, CC, so I don’t know. Any ideas?</p>

2

<p>You’ve said a lot in this post, but you haven’t articulated what you’re worried about. So what is it? What’s bugging you about your situation?</p>

3

<p>Tulane is a great school. You are accepted there, and you love it. Embrace it, forget the waitlists, and don’t look back.</p>

4

<p>You have to “fit” into the school, not your Dad. (I had suggested what I thought were great “fits” for my kids and both rejected some of my suggestions.) In the end, other than finances, the kids get to go where they like the best.</p>

<p>That said, you seem to have chosen your sights high and were rejected/waitlisted at all but one school. So Tulane is it. Great school and kids love it. There are pros and cons to every school and kids who love and hate every school. There is nothing wrong with Tulane, it is highly regarded and there is a great likelihood you will love it there.</p>

<p>My own son applied to Tulane and Miami as part of his “financial safties” as htey offer great merit aid. He did apply to other safety/reach schools (ie Brandeis, UVa, UNC, Berkeley, to name a few) and was admitted. Although he had super stats (4.0 unweighted GPA, 34 ACT, 13 AP’s, 1 college credit class, great leadership. etc… he was rejected and waitlisted at some of his top picks that are also on your list. Remember, these schools are super competitive and most kids applying are all great candidates. In the end, my son chose Miami. Great school that “showed him the love” (they want the brightest of bright kids) and he got full tuition merit there. Great school. Great academics, etc… No regrets. I think Tulane is similar. You should do well there academically and socially and it will not hold you back from succeeding in your chosen field. While it may not have the super status of the other schools you applied to, Tulane is wonderful and in a short time I think you will be proud to sport the logo on your cars!!</p>

5

<p>I take it you’re worried that Tulane isn’t a good fit? Or “you’re afraid that the only reasons I’m liking Tulane is because my dad wants me to go there.”</p>

<p>How about this as your answer to your concerns: I’m finding I love it [Tulane] more and more by the day. I kind of feel lucky that I got rejected and wait-listed everywhere else because otherwise I never would have looked at Tulane.</p>

<p>Congratulations. This college process was a difficult one, but you like your safety. Many kids aren’t so lucky as you. The only thing you might want to change is calling it your safety. Instead, wear the T-shirt and celebrate.</p>

6

<p>Tulane and Middlebury couldn’t be much more different. You need to clear your mind of these outside influences, think about what you are really looking for in a school, and just go with it. Besides, right now at least you are trying to make a decision where there is not one to be made. If you get in off one of the wait lists, then you have something to think about. But the above posters are right, there is a lot to be said for just pocketing the decision you have, embracing it and getting ready for a great 4 years. As I am sure you have read Tulane has gotten the most academically talented class they have ever had, and it is a big one (well for them anyway). 1680+ enrolled right now when the target is 1500-1550. Some will melt away as they do get in to higher ranked schools and/or schools they more highly desired from wait lists, but still a really good year for Tulane. Go be part of it, enjoy the amazingness of New Orleans, and study hard too. You will probably be wondering in a year how you could have possibly considered anywhere else, lol.</p>

7

<p>While it’s not always a good idea to make a major life decision soley becuase your parents want you to do it, it’s also a bad idea to make a different life decision just becuase they don’t want you to. I thinkyou’re psyching yourself out about Tulane unnecessarily. Remember that your father loves you and knows you, I think he might be a little irrational about LACs, but let’s not rule out that his knowledge of the kind of person you are might be influencing his opinions too, and in ways you can’t see because you’re too close to the issue. Listening to parental advice is often a good idea, and should not be seen as a mark of poor choice.</p>

8

<p>My son has friends that are at Tulane and several that went for a visit. None weren’t impressed with the school.</p>

9

<p>ctyankee - that’s a double negative, lol. Are you saying they were all impressed with Tulane? Just making sure.</p>

10

<p>You are in at Tulane. You are not in at Middlebury. You are worried about a “what if”.
Your father’s attitude towards LACs is not unusual. Those schools often are not known by many folks outside of the area. There is the fear that some parents have that their brilliant student will go to a small LAC, outgrow the offerings there academically since there is not the extension of graduate courses, and then graduate with a degree from a school no has knows. Going to a flagship university with name recognition is preferable to those folks. </p>

<p>The thing is, it is possible to end up at a small school that does not have the facilities for your interest and major, and without a solid reputation in the academic world, like Middlebury has. There are any number of small schools around here that are unknown outside of this immediate area, and some of them do not meet certain academic standards. They are more vocational, business, tech schools. Some of them do a good job in educating their students and enhancing their job opportunities. They are not the schools, however, that are on the lists of most students who are of your apparent caliber. I think your father is afraid that you will end up in a school that is not a match for your academic prowess and potential.</p>

<p>Is your father native to the US? Has he gone to college? Is he familiar with the types of colleges ? Unless he is fully aware of the what LACs, particularly ones like Middlebury, are and still does not like them that is one thing. Yes, there are folks don’t like LACs in general, any and all. But many don’t like them because they don’t know them. If the situation with Middlebury arises where you are taken off the waitlist and want to go there, you may want to have him talk to someone that he trusts to explain that Middlebury is a top drawer school that will certainly give you a great education and the school is well known in academic circles.</p>

11

<p>May/June of the HS senior year is FULL of weirdness. Young men careen around like they are young gods. Some young women (and men) are suddenly nostalgic for the oddest of childhood things. Family dynamics are . . . bizarre . . .as everyone realizes that the family situation is about to become radically different . . . but not until September. </p>

<p>Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with your father. Tulane is a well known college and you can decide to be happy there . . . or miserable. Pick one. It will be much easier on you and your dad if you pick “be happy.”</p>

<p>Honestly, a lot of this completely evaporates by October. The senior that was the **** of the walk in June is one more little freshman and parents and their opinions are far away.</p>

12

<p>

</p>

<p>You got me. Fair point indeed. They were all impressed with Tulane. :)</p>

13

<p>Too funny. I wrote a word that means, to me, rooster, but the word got posted as astericks.</p>

14

<p>I guess we need to be careful where we put our rooster. ;)</p>