Worst opening line for a college app…

So I thought this could test people’s creativity. To get the ball rolling…

“I like onions but they don’t like me, and with that thought in mind I set out for the open road in search of adventure and my inner voice”.

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It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed. Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was growing up.



I have grossly overestimated the forums participants creativity.

Even @skieurope “borrowing” from Snoopy. I thought we were better, I thought wrong, and for that I am sorry.:grinning:

I am the greatest student who has ever lived and you’re lucky I’ve chosen to apply to your college so I can help you become a better place.


I’ve seen a few.

“I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere…”
“My father is an alcoholic…”
“The day my dog died was the saddest day of my life…”
And others along these lines.

Needless to say, I suggested to each of these students that they should consider revising their essays.


“I need to get into your school because my Dad won’t pay for anywhere else”

“Please let me into your college! I know my grades and activities aren’t great, but I just realized this senior year that I need to get serious about my future.”


I have a couple.

  1. “I did a mission trip and it changed me forever”.

  2. “Ive known I wanted to attend name-the-college since I was born.”


I spent summers in Thailand learning how to be a Mahout. My Mercedes/Lexus/BMW/Porsche/Range Rover SUV driving environmentalist parents wanted to make sure that I do not end up in our local state school and this was the best of a bad lot that my high dollar college counselor suggested I do.

Going to the international conference on racism and poverty in Monaco made me realize that the world is an unfair place. After I make fat stax as a Wall Street banker, I will donate an endowed chair to make sure these issues are being discussed and taught at this fine academic institution to kids that have no real idea these things exist and that tap water in the US is generally drinkable (unless you are from Detroit then I am glad it’s you and not me.)


We used to play a game with our kids. We would start a story on a piece of paper. The first person would write a sentence then hand it to the next person who could only see the last sentence. The paper would get folded accordion style. Since there were four of us we could only see half the story 2 lines at a time. When the page was finished we’d read the story. They read something like this cartoon only more ridiculous. It would be an interesting way to write an essay for a college app.


"Dear admissions,

I never thought it would happen to me…"


“Looking back to the first couple of days in my 9th grade multivariable calculus class I had an inkling that my teacher disliked me; after the 93% on my first test I was sure. Things only went downhill from there”

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“You were meant to live.”
Don’t know if the OP was asking for hypothetical or not. But this was an actual first line. The applicant went on to discuss all the life threatening situations they encountered, ranging from being dropped on the head when they were a baby to being a toddler in a house fire and the family ran outside to survive and left him/her behind.

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That’s actually an essay I would want keep reading😀


Moving from town to town the trapeze were a way of life for me until that faithful night when I abruptly came to terms with my fear of heights and decided that I wanted to attend Yale. At Yale I am confident I can soar once again and reach for the stars, this time with no net.


“I would like to tell you about a young child who always dreamed of going to a world famous university”

“From time immemorial…”

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I hate your school but my parents are making me apply.


Let me add this one that gave us a few chuckles:

“. . . . . A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a young man who knew he was destined for greatness at a university.”


“During my tour of ( yourcollegehere ), I noticed that it could benefit from a few new buildings with my dad’s name on them…”


To Yale, or not to Yale? That is the question . . .