<p>The glider scholarship is an important path to realizing my dream of becoming a professional pilot. Flying is freedom to me - no bonds to keep me down, no limits to set me slow, no place I cannot reach. Jim Lovell once wrote that there are three kinds of people in this world; those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wondered what happen. Earning the glider scholarship and becoming a pilot would help set me on the path of becoming the ones who make things happen; the ones who Surely slipped the bonds of Earth, building the path they intend to take. This being my second year in ground school, I also achieved a very high academic standard and was highly recommended for further training at the Introduction to Aviation Course at Comox* - factors and lessons I learned that will help me do well on the course. Comox was everything I hoped for it to be and more, not only did we learn about aviation, I made many friends and had many great moments; I long to return. After achieving my pilots license, I would like to give back to the squadron by teaching ground school. I wish to have a career as a pilot, show that I have the right stuff, and let my action rather than words speak for me; I believe the earning the glider scholarship is a vital part into achieving them.</p>
<p>*Comox is an Air Force Base</p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
<p>I am not a gifted English student but I did see a few things. </p>
<p>“no limits to set me slow” that seems a little akward to me</p>
<p>You start talking about becoming the ones. That is akwardly stated and the ones is not properly declared.</p>
<p>In the second to last line actions should be in the plural form. </p>
<p>I hope this helps and good luck with the scholarship.</p>
<p>no limits to set me slow – I agree, this is both awkward and confusing.</p>
<p>I’m also having trouble with your discussion about “becoming the ones…”. I understand what you are trying to reflect, but you need to rewrite that portion of the essay.</p>
<p>Jim Lovell once wrote that there are three kinds of people in this world: (I would use a colon here instead of a semi-colon)</p>
<p>…and those who wondered what happen (needs to be changed to happened)</p>
<p>Comox was everything I had hoped for and more. Not only did we learn about aviation, I made many friends and experienced great moments; I long to return. After achieving my pilot’s license, I would like to give back to the squadron by teaching ground school. I aspire to pursue a career as a pilot and will demonstrate I have the necessary skills, letting my actions, rather than words, speak for me. The glider scholarship would be a vital ingredient in helping me to reach this goal.</p>
<p>The glider scholarship is an important path to THE REALIZATION OF MY dream of becoming a professional pilot. Flying is freedom to me - THERE ARE no bonds to keep me down, no limits TO KEEP ME DOWN; THERE IS NO DREAM I CANNOT FULFILL, no place I cannot reach. Jim Lovell once wrote that there are three kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wondered what WOULD happen. Becoming a pilot would help set me on MY path of JOINING THEOSE PEOPLE who make things happen. </p>
<p>IN MY FIRST TWO YEARS in ground school, I achieved ‘a very high academic standard’ and was ‘highly recommended for further training’ at the Introduction to Aviation Course at Comox . THE factors and lessons THAT I learned will help me SUCEED. Comox was everything I hoped for it to be and more. WE LEARNED about aviation. I made many friends . I ENJEOYED many great moments; I long to return. </p>
<p>After achieving my pilot’s license, I would like to give back to the squadron by teaching ground school. I DREAM OF a career as a pilot. I ASPIRE TO DEMONSTRATE that I have the right SKILLS, and TO let my actions(rather than words) speak for me. RECIEVING THE GLIDER SCHOLRSHIP WILL BE A CRUCIAL STEP FOR THE FULFILLMENT OF MY DREAMS.</p>
<p>good word choices brainomatic… i hope u dont mind that i borrowed some of them</p>
<p>ps-wildblueyonder- my changes are in caps to help u see them 
good luck</p>