Would anyone be kind enough to read my essay?

So I’ve already done multiple drafts on my personal statement for college. I’m doing the common app essay and am answering prompt number 1. I need some additional feedback so I can perfect my essay as much as possible.

Please respond as quickly as possible as I only have the rest of this month to submit my application and I really want to make use of my time working on my personal statement.

No problem. PM it to me. I’ll edit if you’d like.

Are you a high school student?