would anyone kindly grade my essay?

While some people promote competition as the only way to achieve success, others emphasize the power of cooperation. Intense rivalry at work or play or engaging in competition involving ideas or skills may indeed drive people either to avoid failure or to achieve important victories. In a complex world, however, cooperation is much more likely to produce significant, lasting accomplishments.</p>

<p>Do people achieve more success by cooperation than by competition? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>


<p>"Two heads are better than one."
This old adage can be found in languages all around the world in similar forms: in English, French, Japanese and even Korean. The prevalence of this proverb suggests that mankind has recognized the importance of helping each other in early years of its civilization. Indeed, cooperation has been effective method to achieve success.
In the movie 'Apollo 13,' Jim Lovell (starred by Tom Hanks) explain to the visiting senators at the John F Kennedy space center the most fundamental principle of lifting a spacecraft up in the space: "we all collaborate and nobody is considered unimportant. From spaceship designers to mere ground-sweepers, we work as a team without which this grand project would be impossible to complete." His worlds clearly indicate that cooperation is a vital component in achieving success. In today's society where everyone has different capacity and aptitudes, division of labor and cooperative relationships are essential to achieve victory, or a scientific feat such as landing on the moon.
Indeed, National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is a grand organization in which every employee helps each other to launch a space shuttle or a meteological satelite. In contrast, competition would be unable to attain such goal since no individual or small group alone cannot do all the job required to lift up a spacecraft. Grab anyone who works at Cape Canaveral or JFK Space center and ask about the importance of cooperation; he or she will tell you essentially the same thing: we are all a team, a team to find out the mysteries of space.
This principle applies not only to scientific fields, but in social and political fields as well. It is natural for nations in war to form allies with other states; numerous alliance systems have existed in human history. For instance, Delian League, which made Greek city-states to unite under the leadership of Athens and enabled them to successfully repel the Persian invasion during the Persian War. Had these city-states competed against each other, they would not have stopped the so powerful Persians.
Cooperation indeed yields better outcome than competition. The motto of the Massachussetts Institute of Technology Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Lab clearly indicates the truth: "we are smarter than I."</p>


<p>any comment is appreciated.</p>

<p>(I personally think it's a bit short lol;;)</p>

<p>Yea its a bit short, you need a conclusion and since you don't have a conclusion, I can't give you anything higher than a 10, sucks. I give it a 9 but it is definatly more than an 8. Nice ideas!</p>

<p>well i intended the final paragraph to be the conclusion but obviously i was mistaken... lol</p>

<p>any more comments? i would be VERY gracious(SAT word!) since i AM worrying about my essay....</p>

<p>9 or 10... </p>

<p>Second example about the Delian League is weak and very short, in comparison to the NASA example... I'd work on proving your second example.</p>

<p>prbly a 9-ish.</p>