Would anyone mark My essay please?

Hi guys,
This is my first essay that I have written for the Sat, I would really appreciate if someone can mark it.

Assignment: Is our ability to change ourselves unlimited, or are there limits on our ability to make important changes in our lives?

Throughout history, the human race has encountered a myriad of circumstances where individuals not only changed their life dramatically but also converted the life of others. Some have fortuitously profited from fighting to alter their lives while others have detrimentally believed the notion that there is a limit to the extent of the improvements. Well observably it might seem that transforming one’s life is extremely difficult, but aren’t there times when individuals worked hard and made their life better? Therefore, clearly strengthens the presupposition that a person cannot really make a difference is false.

Joseph Pulitzer perfectly embodies the ideal of a man who overturned the society. In the budding stages of journalism in the US, he looked upon the corruptions in the states with a dispassionate eye. He did not concur with the way how big business use their political and social connections in order to profit. Despite he had little money and did not know how to speak English when he arrived to the US, He still managed to reform the news industry. By assiduously remaining recalcitrant and unwavering he was able to become the symbolic figure for the American public newspaper and the founder of Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. In summary, as illustrated by Joseph Pulitzer’s effortless attempt to meliorate the society, he not only revolutionized the media industry but also became known for posthumously establishing the Pulitzer Prizes to honour great contributors in the fields of journalism and literature. If not for the radical ideals of Joseph Pulitzer would the media be same at present?

Perhaps an equally laudable archetype is the story of Sydney Carton in A Tale of Two Cities. Set in the 19th century, the protagonist Sydney Carton illustrates how a person can alter his or her life significantly. Sydney carton was a selfish, self centered and lazy person who did not care about the feelings of others. However, he was able to recognize her flaws and adamantly pursuing his goals to change himself. Eventually, he sacrifices his own life to rescue the life of a man who he believes is much worthier than his own. Before, he would never have considered, much less proposed, a plan to sacrifice himself, but after his epiphany, he was able to selflessly sacrifice himself for another man. Sydney Cartons shift of focus from benefiting himself to helping others validates the assertion that the potential for change is unlimited, wouldn’t anyone call this a big change.

Maybe a more recent example would demonstrate how people can change not only themselves but also the community. The same-sex marriage movement has prominently displayed how a group of people can contribute to the community. Although LGBT marriage was unlawful in most states of America, a group of people who recognized the inequality still protested against the discrimination in the legal system. Even though Countless religious groups, politicians and critics all expressed their disapproval in LGBT relationships and marriage, the supreme court decided that regulation against the same sex marriage is unconstitutional.

In summary, Joseph Pulitzer, Sydney Carton, and the same sex marriage exemplify the change that a person or a group of people can bring to themselves and the society. The examples were quite effective because they are able not only to influence their time but also for future generations to come. As seen in the quote by Walt Disney, “if you can dream it, you can do it”, is most undoubtedly credible. It is only by believing in one’s limitless ability to improve his or her life that one can achieve happiness.

10/12
+length is superb. Did you write this in 25 minutes?
+3 good, well developed examples

-You use big words way too much; don’t assume your grader knows all of them
-don’t ask rhetorical questions
-don’t say “in summary” at the end. Everyone knows it’s the conclusion.
-It might be better if you had 3 reasons for each of your examples.

I agree with @thetex

A few mechanical errors, but nothing too disastrous.

Nice thesis and I like that you added a quote at the end.

@thetex and @brijetz17 Thank you! You guys have been really helpful.

Very well written, but you overuse too many SAT words that it comes across a bit award at times. But the length alone prob gets you 10-11.

Could one of you guys grade my essay in return?