<p>Several minutes ago I had a talk with my father who basically said that he does not want to spend much money on me because I’m average. I am trying to get a job, but this economy is horrible and my social skills are too poor for most jobs. I am sad because this means that I’m going to be stuck in this lame, stifling, trashy town for the rest of my life or worse. My dad said that I’m lucky he is even letting me live with him because many people my age don’t live with their parents. I try to make friends so I can have connections and networks to get out of this banal life, but it is not working. No one is close enough to me or cares enough to give me a chance. My academics range from below average to average. The motivation is drained out of me and I am too lazy to do anything about it. If my life will be like this forever, I might as well die. I hope this isn’t all there is.
If I am just going to end up average, I do not want children because that means they won’t have many opportunities because I can’t afford it. If I am average, I will still be seen as weird. If I’m above average, it would not matter because at least I have more freedom and respect.
I’m sorry. I just need someone to talk to.</p>
<p>Hi, Enigma. I’ve read your past posts. It sounds like you’ve been going through this for awhile. I’m sorry.</p>
<p>What do you like to do? What are your passions? If time, education and money were no object, where would you be and what would you be doing?</p>
<p>There usually comes a point in everyone’s life when one realizes that their success or failure must come from within. Search within yourself, choose the path that you want to take, devise a realistic approach towards jumping on to that path, seize the opportunity, work hard, find your passion, and begin living your life. Success is not merely a measure of prestige or money or notoriety. True success is a measure of how one chooses to live their life. </p>
<p>Rather than focusing on how you feel others look at you, focus on how you see yourself. Rise up to your potential–whatever that may be. There is nothing average about being the best person you can be.</p>
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<p>I would like to write. I apologize for the bad grammar of my topic title or anywhere else. I would like to write novels and for periodicals. I would like to become respected for it and live in a nice place where I have many friends who care about me and get to travel to many different places. I would have a fulfilling life and not feel limited because of what I don’t have.</p>
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<p>I don’t know what’s considered realistic. I don’t know if all my dreams are just nonsense and I shouldn’t waste my time. I feel like right now is reality.</p>
<p>Being average sucks. At least being average in the US means you have food.</p>
<p>^ Why should I be happy about that? People are supposed to have food. I might as well be happy I have ten fingers because someone in the world might have eight.</p>
<p>Average people on average don’t realize their averageness 
And to maybe educate your dad a bit, print out this NYTimes article for him (link below.) It’s about how academic go-getters in elite schools can’t find jobs this summer. Maybe that will put things in perspective for both of you. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/05/fashion/05summer.html?ref=style[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/05/fashion/05summer.html?ref=style</a></p>
<p>Most people are average. There is a small percent of the population above average and a small percent below…but the vast majority are within the average range. That is a basic of statistics. If you are average, you have more folks like you than unlike you…at least as far as your “averagish” goes.</p>
<p>Is there any place where you could volunteer your writing talents…perhaps writing program notes for a community theater or orchestra, writing for a community newspaper (we have one in our community that is written by members of the community), helping with a newsletter for a place like your library or hospital? </p>
<p>Then…you’d be doing something you love…and you could get a “day job” of some sort to pay your bills. </p>
<p>Did you go to college? What was your major and what were your goals then? Does your college have a career center that you can sign up for? </p>
<p>Find some productive way to meet some folks your age…volunteering is a good way…or a part time job.</p>
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<p>I may be average in ability, but I’m not normal in personality. </p>
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<p>I am a liberal arts major. I’m going to a school that is very close and cheap. I did try the career center and they gave me a test. I gave it back to the proctor, but I never got the results back.</p>
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<p>There is my local newspaper and my school paper, but I’m just not motivated and don’t know what to write about. I really wish I had ideas though.</p>
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<p>I will print this out to my Dad :)</p>
<p>Yes, most people are average. However, most of us are lucky to be loved and supported by parents, friends, significant others who believe we are or can be extraordinary in our own ways. Your father is trying to motivate you to be great by telling you that you are average. You need to feel good about yourself and accomplishments independent of the toxic opinions of your father and others. Best of luck.</p>
<p>My father could have written something like this, only much worse as I’m nowhere near as accomplished as the girl written about in this topic: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/607305-my-child-merely-average.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/607305-my-child-merely-average.html</a></p>
<p>Does your college have a study abroad plan?</p>
<p>Yes, but I would probably have to pay for all of it myself. My parents always say that we might have a vacation over the summer and therefore studying abroad is a waste of time. We haven’t taken a summer vacation in years. I heard that studying abroad in my school costs the same as tuition though, but then again we get financial aid…</p>
<p>You sound overwhelmed. Let’s take a look at what you said you would like to do (I always find it helpful to make a list):</p>
<p>1) I would like to write novels and for periodicals
2) I would like to become respected for it
3) Live in a nice place where I have many friends who care about me
4) Get to travel to many different places.
5) I would have a fulfilling life and not feel limited because of what I don’t have.</p>
<p>Think about this list, and instead of taking all of it at once, take it one step at a time.</p>
<h1>4 Travel: well, that may be something you could start through the study abroad. If money is an issue, it can be a goal to work toward. There are lots of ways to make money beyond the traditional “job”.</h1>
<h1>1 Writing: you could start by writing about your travels. Read some travel magazines; see what they are looking for. You could write about this for your school paper. Can you submit something to your local paper?</h1>
<h1>3 Have you thought about working with and writing for your school or community theatre group? I have found people in theatre to be some of the most kind and accepting people out there.</h1>
<p>Start there. See what you can do. If you take it one step at a time, you will find something to look forward to. There’s no rush!</p>
<p>^ Wow. That really makes things clear. Thank you!</p>
<p>You come across as a bright young person to me. You need to get rid of this self doubt drummed into you by your father. As for being average, maybe you are under-motivated.
A lot of high achievers started out as being ‘average’ or even below average. Stephen Speilberg was rejected by both USC and UCLA film schools and went to Long Beach State.
He didn’t do badly as a film director :)</p>
<p>Enigma,
You could actually start the travel writing thing this summer. Your info says you are from New York. Withing a half day’s drive from anywhere in NY there is a place in where people flock for vacation: Adirondacks, Finger Lakes, Thousand Islands, Great Lakes, Saratoga, Catskills, Long Island beaches, and the City itself. </p>
<p>Research it a bit. We tend to forget what is in our own backyard. Visit for a few days, (drive back and forth if you have to), figure out what you want to write about and who you would like to write for, and write that article. </p>
<p>One step at a time…</p>
<p>No one is average.</p>
<p>The_Enigma, you are as complex, interesting, and able as any other human being.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, when I say this, I risk coming across like one of those grade-school videos designed to promote self-esteem: “Yay! Everyone is special! Yay!” And I hate those, and I’ll bet you do, too.</p>
<p>But that’s not what I mean.</p>
<p>What I mean is that no human being on Earth…are you listening? Because this is important, as well as a mathematical certainty. No human being on Earth has the particular combination of personality, talents, and interests that you have. Furthermore, no human being on Earth, including yourself, can predict what the confluence of those traits could produce.</p>
<p>Go to your local library and check out a couple of biographies of famous writers. You will find that most of them have two things in common: (1) They always knew they wanted to write. (2) They drifted. They struggled and felt different and took years to find their place in the world, but once they found it, they were able to pursue their passion and make an indelible mark on the world.</p>
<p>Please forget about labeling yourself as “average” or anything else. You are you, and you are destined for something. Dedicate yourself to having fun finding out what that thing is.</p>
<p>You are getting some wonderful advice here. I wanted to add a couple of small things.</p>
<p>First, if you are receiving financial aid and your school has a study abroad program, it is very likely that you will be able to apply your financial aid to a semester or year abroad so that it won’t cost any more than attending a semester or year on campus. Please call up the study abroad office and check this out. </p>
<p>Second, if you wanted to get started with your writing dream on your college newspaper, you should know that mostly reporters don’t have to figure out what they’re going to write about. The editors assign stories and even tell the reporter how long they want the stories to be. And the first stories you write don’t have to be anywhere near perfect – that’s what the editors are for.</p>
<p>Third, and this is the most important, what you are going through with your dad sounds a lot like what my mom went through with hers. Even though my mom got a college education (after her dad threatened not to pay for it, saying she didn’t deserve it), moved far away from her parents, had some very interesting jobs, a great marriage, and did a lot of good for every community where she lived through her volunteer work, she never felt as if she was good enough (based on what her dad had drummed into her) to pursue her dream and become a lawyer. I don’t want this to happen to you. It sounds as if the negative things you’ve been told about yourself have kind of seeped in and you’re feeling depressed and hopeless about yourself. I hope very much that when school starts again, you will get yourself over to your college’s counseling center and talk with someone there. It will be much easier for you to pursue your dreams and have the kind of good and fulfilling life you deserve when you are feeling better about yourself.</p>
<p>If you want to be a writer, then you have to write every day and read every day. Get on this plan this summer. Go to your public library and read all the books they have about writing (they can get more for you through interlibrary loan). Have you read all the recommended classics that college students should read? Try a genre study of mysteries or science fiction or read more by your favorite author. If you have extra time this summer, and want to be a writer, then that time is a gift because you havae extra time to read. </p>
<p>Then you need to write. Get a journal and write about all these feelings. Write some scenes about a demanding father and an uncertain son. Have the son tell his father what he thinks. Write about your childhood and your possible future. </p>
<p>Read some travel memoirs. Read about your state history. Talk to the librarians about new books. Read the NY Times every day–there is amazing writing there every day. Read the editorials. Read the periodicals that interest you. </p>
<p>Is there a summer school program for elementary school students in your district? See if you can volunteer to help some kids with their writing there.</p>
<p>Try to be pleasant and polite and helpful to others and you may find that your social skills will improve. My mother had a mother who also made her feel stupid and worthless and it affected her whole life, but she became a beloved teacher and raised three daughters who all graduated from college. You have a lot ahead of you, and you can go out and accomplish some good in the world. You’ll move on from the pain with your dad, and you can grow from that and be sure that you never act like that.</p>