SS is about to graduate… he does not yet have full time employment lined up. We get it, not an easy task. He is a petroleum engineering major. He has about a 3.2 GPA.
Generally he is a go-getter and he has a part time job right now near college in the industry with a pretty large consulting outfit in the Pittsburgh area (it is a field job rather than engineering but in the industry and learning nonetheless). He works mostly weekends now, and all indications have been that this employer would take him on full time after graduation IF he needed that.
All good so far right?
Well… he has an OBSESSION – I mean over the top OBSESSION with skiing. It has been a source of contention between him and his father for years. Why? He tends to ski at all costs… no matter what. And no we don’t pay for skiing in any way.
He went out west with his sister over winter break skiing (they were gone from Dec 25 through to Jan 9) so he didn’t work one minute at his part time job for the whole break. He skis weekdays, weeknights, weekends – anytime he can fit it in during the semester. He used to skip class to go – I think he did less of that later in his college career because he couldn’t keep up with it. He had a semester or two of crappy grades over it but he did bounce back on the grades front.
He said he wanted to go out west AGAIN over spring break which begins next weekend. He and his sister just got back like 1.5 months ago! His dad explained if he had FT employment lined up that would probably be ok, but he doesn’t. AND he isn’t going to be working at his PT job yet again for 10-12 days (you know the one that could become FT if he needs it?). To us, it isn’t making the best impression on this place!
And the icing on the cake is that his girlfriend took a position in Pittsburgh at his urging (we are all from NJ) away from her family because he expects to have a job after graduation in the area and wanted her to be with him. So she moved out there 2 weeks ago, and knows not another single sole yet and he is going to leave for 10+ days out west SKIING!
We cannot seem to talk any sense into him-- would you as parents find this annoying and disappointing too??
Yes, I would be annoyed and disappointed. But I don’t know whether I’d try to talk to my child about it, only because the conversations might have no good effect.
I think it’s cool that he likes to do something outdoors.
If he is supporting himself then it is not for me to be annoyed (except maybe privately to my husband LOL). It’s his life to live as he sees fit, sink or swim. If he is still on the mommy/daddy dole then I might have more to say about it. Even then I would be careful at his age.
You know…he is young. If he wants to ski, that’s his decision. Vail hires seasonal employees. They get a salary, housing…and yep…a ski pass. And an engineer would be welcome. We had an engineering relative who did this for two years between undergrad and grad school. He was beyond thrilled. Because of his engineering background, he was trained to maintain and use the grooming equipment. And the bonus…he was also needed in the summers when lots of the other seasonal folks were laid Off.
Your son should check this out,
By the way…this relative had PLENTY of time for skiiing.
If he has the skiing bug, I think it’s hopeless. We have friends like him. One is gone EVERY weekend during the long Maine winter. He goes whenever he can during the week, too. His wife knew what he was like before she married him, but it’s got to be difficult for her.
I know it’s hard on you, but he has to make his own decisions now. The friend I mentioned has turned down lucrative jobs in order to be within driving distance of ski resorts.
Lecturing him is not going to help. As long as he understands that you won’t finance him if he doesn’t find a job, I think that’s all you can do.
Have you explained to him that although your love for him is everlasting, your financial support ends 30 days (or 60 if you are in a generous mood) after graduation? And that therefore he needs to figure out a roof over his head, rent, health insurance, and food in the next month or so? Or- he can come home and live with you but pitch in on cleaning and lawn mowing, grocery shopping, doing laundry, with his old curfew, and use of a car once M&D get home from work (paying for his gas and his share of the auto insurance of course).
His choice- but by your calculation, it looks like the decision to go ski next week means he’s decided to move back home after graduation. Which is fine. He’ll need to save his earnings so he can pay for his transportation back and forth to Pittsburgh to see the GF of course.
I wouldn’t get involved. His relationship with his GF is his business. He wouldn’t be the first kid who took a gap year or two after college to ski bum, either. He is an adult.
Life is short, youth is short. I’d say let him embrace the skiing. Once he is in the working world full-time, he’ll have less time off for such pursuits.
I assume his PT employer knows he is a student and, therefore, understands that students follow an academic calendar, hence Spring Break.
If his girlfriend has an issue with it, then it is up to her to address that aspect of it, not you as parents.
Sounds like he is a pretty hard worker - FT engineering student and working part-time on the weekends. I would not begrudge his skiing if he can squeeze it in and is paying for it himself. Be glad he has a hobby he loves that provides plenty of exercise and time outdoors. It makes him a more interesting person.
Yes, as a parent I’d be annoyed and disappointed…but not as annoyed and disappointed as the girlfriend must be! Not anything you can do though except express an opinion- an opinion that probably will be disregarded!
If he is a skier, he will find these employment opportunities easily on his own.
His GF is a whole separate issue. She is an adult too…and needs to make her own decisions. Since skiing has been a huge thing in your son’s life…she shouldn’t expect that he is going to give it up. And really…the good. mountains are not hear Pittsburgh. If it doesn’t work out for her…she can leave…and ditch him too if it comes to that.
He is not asking for your financial support. That being the case, it’s his decision to do whatever. I know you feel like you have some “control” over this because he hasn’t graduated college yet…but he is going to graduate soon. He will be making all of his own decisions…and you may not be thrilled with some of them.
I only get upset with decisions if I think they endanger my kids in some way…this ski trip isn’t one of those things.
He is young! I think it is great that he has a passion…(and, as someone said, an outdoor passion) as long as he is paying his own way. In terms of employment, he will have to deal with the learning process of what works for him and what doesn’t. It sounds as if he’s basically a competent person, so it seems he will likely land on his own feet (no skiing pun intended) even if he has some temporary professionl/financial setbacks along the way. If he is doing what he really loves, I don’t know if you could really call them setbacks. I think he will have regrets later in life if he doesn’t pursue this while young, before he has dependents, a mortgage and his kids’ college expenses looming, lol! Maybe he will eventually find a job and settle near the Rockies.
IMO, there are too many young people living primarily for social media. I applaud anyone doing anything “real.”
The girlfriend is the only one I feel a little sorry for…but maybe she doesn’t mind. If she does, and it becomes a pattern, it will sort itself out before long… Is she a skier too?
Annoyed? Oh, he!! yes. Disappointed? Eh. Not really. Youth is a time for self-centeredness, even wrt one’s girlfriend. BUT…were he to think we was moving home after graduation having not pursued a job…Uh, no. Of, if yes, with a whole host of really draconian restrictions designed to kick his butt into finding employment, even if that employment was in the ski industry. If he thinks he’s moving in the gf, then he’s her problem.
