<p>I’m by no means a whiner or angered easily, but it’s been eating away at me.</p>
<p>I’m older than the average college student, and worked right out of high school. I always intended to go, but by the time I learned about college (my parents never told me anything), it was a little too late to stress over my high school record. When I met my fiance, he was educated (went to UTexas), had a good job, and was about to buy his first house. I myself was very successful when we met, yet he harped on me because I had not yet started college, and how he thought education was the most important thing in choosing out somebody to be with (at least he came off that way).</p>
<p>Anyway, so I started after I got laid off at my job (thanks a lot, recession). I was glad that I was old enough to know what I was passionate about and wanted to study. Fiance CONSTANTLY pressured me, making me afraid of getting anything less than an A, making me cry when I felt I wasn’t good enough for his standards, etc. I currently have a 4.0 GPA and am heavily involved in my college EC wise, but it still seems to not be good enough for him.</p>
<p>So, he’s trying to get into grad school, and he is CONVINCED he’s able to go to UT’s grad school or something to that caliber to get his MBA or Public policy degree. He got his transcript the other day.</p>
<p>He graduated with a 2.4 GPA. D’s and C’s are plastered all over it, and I just had to look at it in shock. To me, it just feels like a huge slap in the face, and extremely hypocritical of him to make me feel so badly about myself because I hadn’t gone to school, and when I did, he thought I wasn’t doing well enough, even with my GPA and success. I’m just so upset, and it makes me so angry knowing that he doesn’t hold HIMSELF up to this high standard he has for everyone else around him.</p>
<p>What should I do? Do I have a right to be upset with him over this whole mess?</p>
<p>Maybe he is trying to achieve something he failed through you? Parents often do that with their children (give them to music schools when children don’t even want to hear about it, train them for specific sports, and so on). Sounds like a ■■■ story. I would dump.</p>
<p>Telling someone what to do with their life when you don’t know them and only have what they wrote in 5 minutes of distress is easy.
With a 4.0 and heavy EC’s the answer is easy. Dump him, go onto grad school with a free ride and have a great life. And yes it should make you distressed that he treats you that way regardless of his GPA.</p>
<p>Seriously, you know that the kind of man who is very controlling and critical, while at the same time being a low-achiever himself, is a fairly dangerous combination, right? You should indeed be upset that he pressures you to get As when his grades were so bad, but not because of the hypocrisy. It’s because it is showing you that something is very wrong. If he got bad grades but was kind and positive, that would be a different matter. But if you are putting up with this kind of unhealthy relationship, he must already have been making you feel terrible about yourself for a long time and must be wearing you down. You really should run.</p>
<p>I can’t tell you whether you should break up with him because I don’t know you guys personally. But if I were you I would feel good about myself for getting a 4.0 when your fiance can’t even pass most of his classes. I have the feeling he does care about you doing well though so don’t write him off as a TOTAL jerk.</p>
<p>“Seriously, you know that the kind of man who is very controlling and critical, while at the same time being a low-achiever himself, is a fairly dangerous combination, right? You should indeed be upset that he pressures you to get As when his grades were so bad, but not because of the hypocrisy. It’s because it is showing you that something is very wrong. If he got bad grades but was kind and positive, that would be a different matter. But if you are putting up with this kind of unhealthy relationship, he must already have been making you feel terrible about yourself for a long time and must be wearing you down. You really should run.”</p>
<p>I agree. Please talk to a counselor at your school’s counseling center. Do NOT tell your fiancee as it’s none of his business, and if he learns you’re doing that, he’ll do whatever he can to maintain control by stopping you from getting counseling.</p>
<p>Also post on the Parents’ Forum, where you’re likely to get wise advice.</p>
<p>"Types of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing…</p>
<p>Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships…"
[Counseling</a> Center, University of Illinois Emotional Abuse](<a href=“University of Illinois Counseling Center”>University of Illinois Counseling Center)</p>