Sap Appeal
July 2017
To whomever this may concern,
Coming from an inner-city school to a high performance environment was an exciting and drastic change for me. I was ready to tackle the school work however my family issues began to affect my grades. During my first semester my single father began have intense leg swelling and pain which lead to him being quite bed ridden. I am an only child so it left me to travel back quite often to try and help him out as much as possible. This lasted for a few months and in January my father admitted or surgery on his spine which had a 50/50 chance of survival due to his previous medical encounters i.e. multiple heart attacks, heart disease etc. This was a very serious surgery which lead to complications afterwards. My father almost suffered a brain aneurysm and needed a lot of care during this time. After a few weeks, upon his release from the hospital I had to assist my father my father as much as possible in his recovery which had him almost immobile. This greatly affected my schoolwork and being able to handle my workload.
Also during this time my Aunt passed away. This was extremely devastating to me and my family and laying her to rest was difficult.
However, my father is doing well now and has also found a life- long partner to spend his life with. He is in good health and is on his feet now and working. This has been a huge blessing and will allow me to dedicate all of my time to my studies. I have made a great relationship with my advisor who also worked very closely with my mentor; whom has helped me come up with better ways to manage my time and study which will guarantee my success. It is an honor attending this University and dedicated to continue to lift my grades and graduate.
Included in this package:
A letter from my Uln mentor
A paper that documents how long my father was in the hospital
A copy of my Aunt obituary
Not enough information. Need to know your GPA that resulted in your suspension or dismissal.
Reread your letter. Lots of errors.
IMO, too much detail about your father’s health issues. Shorten it up - he was bedridden, had surgery and is getting better. (yeah - by the way) Add some information on what you are going to do to get back on track - I realize this took a lot away from my year at XXX. I plan to attend study sessions, go to tutoring, etc. to get back on track. I realized blah-blah-blah.
I am glad your father is doing better. I know it is an online forum but white-space is your friend. Add some paragraph breaks. Check your spelling and phrasing.
Good luck.
OP: Your situation is compelling & believable.
I know it has issues with grammer but I would like to know if I am at least on the right track.
Ok great guys thank you so much for the feedback!
OK GUYS SO I TOOK YALLS ADVICE AND REVISED IT! WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Sap Appeal
July 2017
To whomever this may concern,
The University of Texas was a new and drastic change for me coming from an inner-city school. I was ready to tackle the school work; however my family issues began to affect me and my grades.
During my first semester my father had intense swelling in his legs which caused him to be bed ridden and I had to travel back home to assist him. This caused for my low GPA of a 1.75. In January of my spring semester my father had surgery on his spine leaving him immobile again. He spent a few weeks in the hospital and I had to travel home to assist him as much as possible being the only child. Because of this my semester GPA was a 2.47 but it only brought my cumulative GPA up to a 2.0. I also had to drop a class because of my issues causes me to fall behind pace leaving me at a 67.8% instead of 75% pace.
Also during this time my Aunt passed away. This was extremely devastating to me and my family and laying her to rest was difficult.
However, my father is doing well now and has also found a life- long partner. This has taken the weight of me and now my father has someone to assist him if need be. He is in good health and now working. This has been a huge blessing and will allow me to dedicate all of my time to my studies. I have made a great rapport with my advisor as well as my ULN mentor. They have aided me in coming up with better ways to study as well as informed me of the multiple avenues the school provides to help me with my school work. After my first semester I started meeting with advisor once every other week as well as staying in constant touch with my mentor so that I would stay on track. I informed them of my father’s illness and their help allowed me to raise my grades in the spring semester. Due to my father being well this will allow me to work even harder. It is an honor attending this University and I am dedicated to continuing to lift my grades and graduate.
Included in this package:
A letter from my ULN mentor
A paper that documents how long my father was in the hospital
A copy of my Aunt obituary
Getting better! How about this:
The University of Texas was a new and drastic change for me coming from an inner-city school. I was ready to tackle the school work; however family issues affected me and my grades.
During my first semester my father had intense swelling in his legs which caused him to be bed ridden. I had to travel home to assist him. I finished the fall semester with a low GPA of 1.75. In January, my father had surgery on his spine leaving him immobile again. He spent a few weeks in the hospital and I had to travel home to assist him. I am an only child and my family needed me. My spring semester GPA was a 2.47 but it only brought my cumulative GPA up to a 2.0. I also had to drop a class because I began to fall behind pace leaving me at a 67.8% instead of 75% pace.
This spring, my aunt also passed away. Tis was extremely devastating to me and my family.
My father is doing well now and has also found a life- long partner. This has taken the weight of me and my father has someone to assist him. He is in good health and now working. This has been a huge blessing and will allow me to dedicate all of my time to my studies.
I developed a great rapport with my advisor as well as my ULN mentor. They aided me in coming up with better ways to study as well as informed me of the multiple avenues the school provides to help me with my school work. After my first semester, I started meeting with advisor once every other week. I also stayed in constant touch with my mentor. This helped me stay on track. I informed them of my father’s illness and their help allowed me to raise my grades in the spring semester.
My father’s improving health will allow me to work even harder. It is an honor attending this University and I am dedicated to continuing to lift my grades and graduate.
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! It’s perfect!!! @dixiechicktx
Content and sentiment is good. Please do spell and grammar check before you send this.
Bedridden is one word.
Change Tis to This in last sentence of second paragraph.
Life-long, no extra space after dash.
Change of to off in second sentence of 3rd paragraph.
Comma after study in second sentence of 4th paragraph.
Add my before advisor in 3rd sentence of 4th paragraph.
Good luck!
new and drastic - only needs to be drastic.
…work, but family issues affected… the semicolon followed by however is incorrect
comma after semester
first three sentences of the second paragraph should be combined for ease of reading.
Just go to grammarly.com, make an account, and check it out it’ll catch all the mistakes.