Would you approve my SAP appeal letter? This is my first time appealing for financial aid.

Paying for College
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o Other Extenuating Circumstance(s)
Explain the specific semesters impacted as a result of your extenuating circumstance(s). Your explanation must include how the circumstance(s) listed contributed to your inability to make academic progress. Provide full names and dates. Submit documentation verifying each extenuating circumstance listed.

Explain your extenuating circumstance(s) in the text box below:
The specific semester impacted by my change in academic progress as well as composure is limited to only the spring semester of 2015.

The reason leading to my unsatisfactory academic performance in the aforementioned semester is attributed to an existential crisis that lasted approximately the entirety of the spring semester. To begin my appeal, I shall address the crisis i had felt when it came to pursuing my major in college and its impact on my performance which began to take deep root in mind in mid January. The notion of what i was going to do with the rest of my life and whether i was willing to follow through with my interest in the nursing field and into the nursing practice began to weigh heavily on my mind. It began as a passive seed of thought that id have from time to time in the fall semester, but eventually grew into a bomb of reconsideration and doubt.

This seed grew overtime throughout the course of the semester and in the process, i found it harder to get through the day and increased difficulty in taking the light rail to get to campus which was worsened by the fact that i was robbed gun point on February 16th around my neighborhood as i was walking home by 3 men, intent on taking my possessions. Not only was there a dilemma in resolve and longing in life, but the added burden of a lost sense of security seeing as how not only was it around my neighborhood, but it was near my high school. I now had to grandstanding issues to deal with. This seed of doubt grew throughout the entirety of the semester and i found it difficult to focus on my schoolwork and the present, with my mind so deeply entrenched in the uncertainty of tomorrow in regards to my occupational life and my sense of security. The innocence i had in regards to the safety and familiarity with my community was shattered in an instant. Even now i still find it difficult to walk around my community, with an irrational sense of paranoia that the men who robbed me linger near my bus stops and stores.

My attendance began to struggle and my academic progress began to take priority behind my longing for freedom from this abyss of uncertainty. I had one area in my life which provided me temporary release from this grip of inner turmoil. It was my desire to pursue absolute truths in life, my desire to understand all that there is around us. The pursuit of knowledge was my home in which i found true solace from all this grief. It then became to hit me, that for the last 3 years of life, a gradual change had taken place that i had not began to notice until now, that i have always had a longing for understanding truths that masquerade about, unnoticed in our everyday lives.

The truth behind our actions, motives, desires and behaviors. The truths that govern society and essentially the world around us. The format in which all that could ever be, or will be, operate on. I found solace in philosophy. It then hit me where the seed of doubt had taken root, tearing at the very fiber of my being. A conflict between practicality and a desire to pursue a less than practical occupation. The seed rooted its foundation in my mind when i took philsophy 4 in the fall semester. The familiarity in that environment that id felt never before began to hold me. The high i felt from understanding the truths around me was far too alluring and i longed to pursue this addiction. Throughout my crisis of emotional uncertainty and turmoil, doubt and lost sense of security, i had been typing up pieces of philosophical truths and by the time i had become of aware of where i had gone at the end of wandering through the darkness of my emotional abyss, i found myself in my room, on may 4th, when my awareness had returned to me.

As i looked across my desktop and documents, multiple pieces and word documents of philsophical writings typed by none other than myself, lay in my wakening, and as i stumbled upon this truth out of the darkness of uncertainty i arose. I found my light and the answer to my uncertainty. My calling was in the major of philosophy. I skimmed through the documents i had typed in a seemingly possessed state with my senses and awareness, dulled by my state of uncertainty and they explained all the truths behind what i went through at the time as well as the truths that govern the world around us. The seed of doubt in my mind gave birth to a bombing of sensations and understanding and the ensuing detonation illuminated the tunnel i had wandered into and i found my way back out. I felt alive again and i knew what needed to be done. The answer to my uncertainty was made clear. I wanted to be a philosopher and a professor. I then went to first year advising and informed them of my desire to switch majors and sealed the deal with a trip to Mendocino hall. My change in major was processed. The crisis was over but far too late. I was failing half my classes and it was near the end of the semester. With the damage done, there is only redemption

What changes have you made that will allow you to meet SAP standards.

I now know what to do with my college experience and can now focus all my energy towards meeting SAP standards and more. I no longer have any lingering doubts and have made the commitment to my new major. I will be certain not to squander the opportunity presented to me if I am given a second chance. If you were to check my academic history, you would see that my academic career throughout highschool and in my first semester of college has a solid track record. A 3.4 in highschool cumulative GPA with 4 passed ap exams and a 3.50 in the first semester of college as opposed to my 1.17 from last semester, i can assure you that this slip up will not happen again. I am resolute on redeeming myself from this unacceptable performance.

What is you plan to ensure to meet and maintain SAP standards?

Fall 2015
I will study leagues more than i had done in spring semester. I will be committing all my energy towards ensuring that pass all my classes with no less than a B at worse. I will be attending all classes to the best of my ability. I will meet with my adviser regularly to keep track of my progress and to know keep aware of what the philosophy path will require of me and i will be striving this year an the next to get onto the the Honors program for philosophy at Mendocino hall.

Spring 2016
My plan for this semester will the be the same as the fall, but with added effort to ensure that i dont fall behind on my plans, keeping myself in check and ensuring that i do not slip up.

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paragraphs are your friend

It is way too long and is bordering on drivel.
Now is not the time to wax your philosophical views, talk about finding yourself, etc.

Concisely state what happened, who it affected you and what you are going to do going forward.
Write about your action plans and the supports that you have in place so that you can be successful

3

No. They want facts, not that you were searching for the meaning of life. “I was robbed.” “I was depressed.” “I couldn’t find a job.” “I had to miss class because I broke my foot.” True reasons you failed.

How will I fix this? I will get a job. I will attend every class. I will go to professor’s office hours if I don’t understand things. I will pick a major and stick to it.

4

Once I read “existential”, I was done. And my language tends to be mellifluous and overindulgent.

Things they might want to see are TANGIBLE changes:

  • you quit your job to focus on college (not saying you did, just an example)
  • you went to counseling to get help for a family or personal issue (again, just an example, not saying it was true in your case)

These are tangible reasons someone might have messed up - like, a friend has cancer and his kid is going through a tough time balancing college and home life.

Is this the crux of it - it was your first semester and you were changing majors, and you will retake any previous failures and not fail in your new subject?

Your plan for the future MUST involve an adviser, but directly, to the point that "I have met with my adviser Dr. So-and-so and he has worked with me to develop a plan, which has the following steps: go to counseling at the counseling center, quit my part-time job for this semester, and meet with my professors several times per semester to ensure I am making adequate progress in my courses. Or whatever.

I do not know ANYONE who would accept “an existential crisis” - which reads as severe procrastination / lack of maturity / lack of responsibility. You need to think about this more analytically - if you just messed up, if you didn’t track your grades well enough, if you didn’t study well enough, create a CONCRETE plan with your adviser to get back on track.

Being honest about not taking advantage of the resources the college offers, and the help of your professors and adviser is better than blaming philosophy. It is possible that if you submitted the above letter, the conclusion is that you don’t want to attend college because you are too “lost” with no proof of being “found”.

5

The letter is WAY too long.

Include:

  1. What you are currently doing to address whatever issues you had.
  2. What you will continue to do to address the issues you had.

State the facts only…no flowery language or extra words. Say each thing just once. No opinions.

Remember, yours won’t be the only letter these folks are reading. Keep it succinct and to the point.

6

I agree with the above. This is a business letter. Get in, say what you need to say (simply and directly), and get out.

7

People don’t really write this way. Aforementioned, existential, shall, entirety - why use such stilted language? I agree- state what your problems were and how you will fix them. Your suggested solutions seem somewhat unrelated to the problems you say you had.

You say your problems were (1) you chose the wrong major and (2) you were upset after being mugged. This can be stated in one paragraph.

8

You also need to capitalize properly.

9

Sounds like a bunch of made up drama. “Existential, take deep root,” and not capitalizing “I” did me in. I was out of there after the second sentence.

10

I have to agree with @rhandco, I also saw the word “existential” and thought: “I’m done”. So don’t take this harshly but I’m going to be brutally honest:

If you had spent as much time, as you did, writing this up, you could have passed your classes without fail.

You are appealing being dismissed FOREVER, and you fill the appeal with excuses???
They don’t need drama because the way its written right now, this thing is definitely going into the recycle file.

They gave you a chance and you blew it, now is your chance to correct it and move on.

You have to say in less than 250 words (my guideline) on one sheet of paper, why you are so worth keeping and how you plan to get A’s. Don’t use drama! Don’t give excuses.
Delineate, in a business-like manner, the steps you’ve taken and are taking to correct your academics.

That’s it, then you are done.

11

I appreciate all the feedback and I agree with all of the above. I did fix the grammar errors and correct capitalization, and my letter was within the character limit i was given, however I’ve already turned in my appeal letter as posted above. I realize now that it was full of excuses and not enough taking responsibility. I appreciate the brutal honesty above which stated existential crisis as coming off as extreme procrastination and what not. I had received positive feedback from a couple peers of mine and was told it was good enough but i see now that it was far from being so. I can see that my chances for being put on probation are quite low. I really appreciate all of your feedback.

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Here’s the problem, seishin. A lot of your sentences simply say … nothing.

*“The reason leading to my unsatisfactory academic performance in the aforementioned semester is attributed to an existential crisis that lasted approximately the entirety of the spring semester.” *

Why are you saying “unsatisfactory academic performance in the aforementioned semester” and “attributed to” and “lasted approximately the entirely of the spring semester”? Can’t you just say “My poor academic performance was due to …” and get to the reason, already?

"To begin my appeal, I shall address the crisis i had felt when it came to pursuing my major in college and its impact on my performance which began to take deep root in mind in mid January. "

No. Don’t waste a sentence telling them that you’re about to go tell them something. This is a complete waste of a sentence.

“This seed grew overtime throughout the course of the semester and in the process, i found it harder to get through the day and increased difficulty in taking the light rail to get to campus which was worsened by the fact that i was robbed gun point on February 16th around my neighborhood as i was walking home by 3 men, intent on taking my possessions. Not only was there a dilemma in resolve and longing in life, but the added burden of a lost sense of security seeing as how not only was it around my neighborhood, but it was near my high school. I now had to grandstanding issues to deal with. This seed of doubt grew throughout the entirety of the semester and i found it difficult to focus on my schoolwork and the present, with my mind so deeply entrenched in the uncertainty of tomorrow in regards to my occupational life and my sense of security. The innocence i had in regards to the safety and familiarity with my community was shattered in an instant. Even now i still find it difficult to walk around my community, with an irrational sense of paranoia that the men who robbed me linger near my bus stops and stores.”

It is irrelevant that it happened on February 16, that you were walking home, that it was 3 men, and of COURSE they were intent on taking your possessions because that’s why robbers rob. All the stuff about uncertainty of tomorrow and shattered, lost innocence is too much. You could condense that ENTIRE paragraph into: “Early in the semester, I was robbed at gunpoint. This trauma resulted in paralyzing fear and post-traumatic stress disorder, as confirmed by my therapist / psychiatrist, Dr. X, which made it difficult for me to focus on my schoolwork.” (You DID then go to a counselor of some sort to be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, right?)

Your paragraphs 3,4 and 5 are completely irrelevant. You are trying to explain away poor academic performance. Just because you now have an insight that you love philosophy – how is that a possible explanation for your poor academic performance? You might have also discovered you like modern jazz or abstract art. How does any of this explain or excuse your performance? Especially if your argument is that you were distracted / traumatized by having been robbed at gunpoint.

When you articulate change, you need to link the change to correcting the reasons that you failed in the first place.
If you truly were dealing with post-traumatic stress / flashbacks from a violent incident, simply saying “I will study harder” doesn’t address it. What prevented you from studying harder in your last semester? A real plan would be “I am meeting with a therapist on a weekly basis so I can continue to process this violent event so that I am able to put it behind me.” In other words, the plan directly addresses / attacks the reasons for failure.

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Well,most too late now! The OP didn’t want feedback on how his letter was written…he already submitted it.

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Weird - asking for feedback after the letter was submitted! That’s not nice to waste helpful people’s time, @seishin.

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Yes, not nice to ask for “approval” in the thread title when it’s irrelevant. Well, if nothing else, that letter will be talked about in the college office for years to come!

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We need a stickied thread about how to write a good appeal letter. Without fail, every appeal letter submitted to CC is waaaaaay too long for the reader, is light on specifics, and is filled with (often improperly used) big words when simple ones will do - under the mistaken impression that it will make the reader sound intelligent.