Would you approve of your kids hanging out with someone like me?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I’m one of those guys who did well in high school, decently on the SATs, and ok in college, but who has a fatal flaw: he doesn’t have ambition. I’ll illustrate:</p>

<p>I don’t care if I end up living in low-income housing the rest of my life, as long as I feel at peace with myself.</p>

<p>I don’t care if going to graduate school means an increase in earning potential; I’ll retire in 40 years, and, seeing that I’m not the type of guy who marries and has kids, it doesn’t matter if I make $40k or $80k per year every year during that period of time. True, the more money I earn the sooner I can retire if I manage it carefully, but I still don’t care.</p>

<p>I am underpaid and underemployed. The underpaid part can’t be disputed, since the salary I earn is so low it makes the average construction worker look like a champ by comparison; but the same cannot be said in regards to the undermployed part, since people with my attitude/so-called “soft skills” ought to be grateful they didn’t have to settle for manual labor.</p>

<p>In spite of claiming to be underpaid and underemployed, I am an underachiever at my current job, and have been threatened with termination several times if I don’t improve my performance.</p>

<p>I think that’s more or less a brief summary of the “bad” things about me. Some of the “good” things include:</p>

<p>Not a smoker, drinker or drug user. I think that’s one of my few redeeming features. But then again, how many CEOs are not on crack or heroine?</p>

<p>I don’t care about fashion trends. You won’t find me dressed in style. I dress conservatively and more like a grandpa than someone my age. (Not that anyone should care, though.)</p>

<p>I am lighthearted and nonconfrontational. If you insult me, I won’t insult you back. I won’t even smirk or sneer at you; I’ll lower my head and walk away in silence.</p>

<p>I don’t care if I get caught walking side by side to my mother. I don’t care about anyone’s social values.</p>

<p>I have never had sex and have never attempted to seduce a woman. You won’t find me trying to take advantage of drunken girls.</p>

<p>So that’s me in a nutshell. Would you want your kids hanging out with someone like or me or do I come across as a corrupting influence?</p>

2

<p>I would definitely be happy to have my daughter hang out with you because you probably could bring her down to earth more (a calming factor). But if you were a guy, you wouldn’t be marrying my daughter (to be brutally blunt).</p>

3

<p>Why is that?</p>

4

<p>best
thread
ever</p>

5

<p>My older daughter has aspiration of owning a private plane someday. It would definitely be a mismatch. The younger one wants to be a starving writer, but she’ll need someone to support her (it’s not going to be me).</p>

6

<p>I wouldn’t have any problem with your being friends with one of my sons.</p>

<p>However, my guess is that they wouldn’t choose you as a friend because you don’t seem to have much in common with them. </p>

<p>Older S has lots in common with you in terms of being an underachiever. However he wouldn’t post and ask parents if they’d want their kids hanging out with him. He wouldn’t give a darn about whether parents would want their kids being his friend.</p>

<p>Younger S is laid back, and interested in making a difference, not making lots of money. His friends tend to be people who are very into community service and similar things. Since you don’t mention that kind of interest, I’d doubt that if S met you, a friendship would blossom.</p>

<p>If I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her to date you. Your posts seem to reflect an insecure personality, and I know that sometimes insecure people put down their romantic partners in an attempt to have the partners think that the insecure person is the best catch they can get.</p>

<p>“; I’ll retire in 40 years, and, seeing that I’m not the type of guy who marries and has kids, it doesn’t matter if I make $40k or $80k per year every year during that period of time. True, the more money I earn the sooner I can retire if I manage it carefully, but I still don’t care.”</p>

<p>You seem to be a person headed for unemployment since no one now can count on working in the same job until they retire. People who don’t stay ahead of the curve, including being assertive about getting the skills needed for newly created jobs, are likely to shortly be unemployed and out of luck.</p>

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<p>Northstarmom - I think you have just ended this thread.:)</p>

8

<p>you seem to have no ambition or drive. you’re like the guy from OfficeSpace after hypnosis. but OfficeSpace isn’t very realistic–remember the date scene at Sizzler’s?
being at peace with yourself is harder to do when you know you could be doing better. it might be easier now, as a single person who has few commitments. when you have bills to pay, a spouse and kids to take care of, or a retirement to never enjoy, living at peace with oneself will be more difficult. that’s why my parents tell me to work hard all the time–they were once poor, struggling immigrants. they were not at peace because they didn’t feel safe or comfortable, so they worked hard, got educations, and moved up. they still have their annoyances at work (greg the boss is a frequent target at the dinner table), but feel safe and generally comfortable. and they can relax in old age at peace once they retire.
i’d hang with you though, as long as you know how to play first-person shooters. nothing bonds bros together like desperate, virtual violence.</p>

9

<p>The grandpa clothes and completely under-performing at the job you DO have is sort of a deal-breaker. Sounds like you have low self-esteem.</p>

10

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<p>The grandpa clothes: following fashion trends is stupid and vain. True, it serves the social purpose of impressing those above you who pay attention to such things, but I’m not the type who likes to make unreasonable compromises.</p>

<p>Under-performing at job: I can’t concentrate. Instead of focusing on whatever task I have at hand, I think about stuff like the stuff I wrote about on my original post.</p>

<p>I don’t agree with you on the low self-esteem part. I think it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that I don’t have very high self-esteem, but that’s not the root of my problem. I believe that my problem stems from the fact that I never quite understood how the real world works, and when I graduated from college I got a harsh dose of reality that gradually led me towards this I-don’t-care mentality.</p>

11

<p>Ignoring a problem doesn’t solve a problem. You need to do some serious self-searching and figure out how to turn yourself around.</p>

<p>The only reason I suggest that your evaluation of yourself is inaccurate is because you’re still harping on in the College Life Forum about your run-in with A professor God knows how many years ago. If you’re unable to move on, it’s obviously because you’re afraid that what she said might be true.</p>

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<p>The grandpa clothes: following fashion trends is stupid and vain</p>

<p>Making blanket statements based on your own prejudices is immature and narrow minded.</p>

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<p>Since you asked- you sound depressed/depressing and boring.
I don’t care if someone doesn’t make money- but they should be thrilled by life, by this amazing place crammed with opportunities to pursue your passion and make the most of our too short time here.</p>

<p>I don’t think I have to worry about my kids hanging out with you because there isn’t any compelling thing about you to motivate them to. Why would they want to hang out with someone who doesn’t seem to be interested in anything?
You could just be going through a phase, but phases have a way of becoming habits unless you actively do something to be engaged.</p>

<p>I’d get a checkup.
:)</p>

14

<p>I agree with the suggestion to get a check-up. Being constantly bored and unmotivated and dwelling on unpleasant things in the past can all be signs of depression, which could even be caused by something like a thyroid or other medical problem. Depression can sneak up on you so you forget that you used to view life in a brighter way. Please get a physical and make sure your doctor tests you for medical problems that could cause depression.</p>

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<p>I am unsure if you are serious or trying to be cruel, but I do think that what you say is quite true. The fact that that woman incorrectly judged my capacity to successfully complete college aside, I do believe that she had a point, even if that point was based on a false premise. Not a Saturday night goes by when I don’t contemplate the moment I concluded that being able to do well in school meant being able to do well in life. Was the professor right when she implied that I wasn’t college material? No, and my GPA proves it. But she might have been right when she implied, or rather, would have been right if she had implied, that college is a waste of time for people with my attitude, regardless of their academic performance.</p>

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<p>Yeah, how ironic.</p>

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<p>I am depressing and boring, but not depressed. At least not according to the last shrink I saw, who said that I have anxiety. Speaking of short time here, since I am going to be here for such a short time, why should I bother trying to pursue some random, arbitrary life goal?</p>

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<p>You sound like someone who is afraid of success, and rationalizing that life will be ok if you don’t “succeed.” You’re talking yourself out of even trying because you’re afraid to fail.</p>

<p>Most people who say they don’t care about money are motivated by something else - altruism, artistic endeavors, etc. I don’t see any positive motivation at all in your posting.</p>

<p>I agree with Emeraldkitty - you sound like you may be suffering from depression. It’s worth getting checked.</p>

<p>You can hang out with my kids, but frankly they’d probably find you boring.</p>

<p>(cross-posted with wkbsoft)</p>

17

<p>ughhhh
your clothing comments particularly annoy me.
i mean, most people see fashion as a frivolous stupid thing…most people follow trends for the sake of following trends, wear brand names to be “cooler,” etc.<br>
but you’re completely missing the significance of fashion. why don’t we all just wear rags and such? fashion provides a creative outlet that can be incoporated in our everyday lives. your interests, personality, attitude, and mood can be expressed through clothing. The other day I wore a black/white minidress and electric blue tights, which certainly gives off a much different vibe than the jeans and sweatshirt I’m wearing today. </p>

<p>Although it’s not usually the case with the clothes you see on the street, go to a couture fashion show and its like going to an art exhibit–in fact, fashion is synchronized with the art of the time. The pieces that these designers come up with are literally artworks centered around the movement and figure of the human body. </p>

<p>Additionally, fashion trends reflect our history and social ideas. As just one example, think about corsests. The restricting nature of the corset throughout history directly parallels the restrictions placed on women throughout history. As these restrictions increased, the usage of corsets and the damage they inflicted on women’s bodies also increased. The correlation is valid all the way to the 1920s–a decade during which the corset largely vanished because of the growth of the women’s rights movement, leading to the popularity of looser, “flapper-style” dresses and such. This theory can also be paralleled to the rise and fall of the popularity of footbinding in China. </p>

<p>In the words of Gabrielle Coco Chanel, “Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.” </p>

<p>I find the relationship between fashion, social ideas/restrictions, and history/political affairs, fascinating. I’ve done a bit of research of various aspects of this topic and have written a few papers as well.<br>
I know this is basically a rant to everyone who dismisses fashion as vain, frivolous, and inconsequential, but I would greatly appreciate it if you did not make generalized and stereotypical statements–on any subject–especially without having any idea what you are talking about.</p>

18

<p>it’s not really a short time, bro. it’s the only time that you have.</p>

19

<p>It might just be you aren’t comfortable enough with yourself to find what you really are interested in.</p>

<p>I am probably twice as old as you and when I was your age, I didn’t have enough confidence to enjoy what I was interested in either.
But now, I do & it gives me a great deal of pleasure.
As does fashion BTW. :wink:
It’s fun, and it is OK to have fun.
I also think we need a higher purpose and even if we aren’t here for long, we need to make a small difference.</p>

<p>[very inspirational](<a href=“You’ve requested a page that no longer exists | Stanford News”>You’ve requested a page that no longer exists | Stanford News)</p>

20

<p>Respectfully, I wouldn’t let my children “hang” with you but I am confident that they would more than likely make that choice for themselves. We might not agree, but the majority of people prefer surrounding themselves with people who will compliment them either intellectually, fashionably, or socially, among others.</p>

<p>Then again I’m probably just talking craziness because according to the OP as a CEO I’m too loaded up on crack and heroine to make any coherent argument.</p>

<p>If you’re just wanting a yes or no answer to your question, then the majority here who have posted have given you that answer. However, I’m hoping that you are wanting more out of life than just being complacent where you currently are so my advice is to seek a counselor.</p>