<p>I have had two of my D’s ex-BF’s call me to trash her after they broke up. One told me something that was true, but could do nothing about and would rather not know. I believe the other one told me a pack of lies because things were just too far-fetched. I wish she would start dating more mature guys or at least not give them my cell number!</p>
<p>I am sorry this happened to the OP. If there are things we parents need to know, it is better to hear it from our own children. But we don’t need to know every indiscretion our children were involved in, and we shouldn’t be informed by vengeful ex’s.</p>
<p>I wouldnt do it, but if parents are so immature they do this type of them, far better for them to call me to get it off their chest. I am more afraid of stalkers, etc. As my wise mother once said, consider the source [in this case an angry vengeful person, not a concerned friend or neighbor] and ignore it.</p>
<p>To my mind, the only possible way it might be acceptable for your ex’s parents to have given this info to your parents is if the behavior they found out about is something that might be dangerous to you, such as a serious drinking or drug problem, that they might reasonably think you need parental help in overcoming. Otherwise, no way. Be glad they’re not going to be your in-laws!</p>
<p>No. Revenge is something that rarely ends well for anyone involved. We actively discourage it. (although I confess to sharing Oldforts initial feelings.) Infact, I feel sorry for kids whose parents would do this as it’s setting a horrible example. </p>
<p>Nor would I read a letter or listen to my S’s ex. It’s simply none of my business. </p>
<p>Also, this thread is a good reminder of one of the reasons why it’s good to keep ones actions consistant with ones values.</p>
<p>Teens and young adults should live as if the relationship they are in will NOT last forever. And they should think about the “what-ifs” in terms of the choices they make. You should ask yourself “If we are not still together next week/next month/next year, should I still proceed with what I am about to do?” Decisions are like photographs, they can leave behind memories, but they can leave you with regrets. And they are only secrets as long as the relationship lasts.</p>
<p>Um…I think the OP is jumping to conclusions. Her parents may not have wanted to eliminate the ex-BF’s parents as “suspects” because it would narrow the # of possibilities.</p>
<p>That might be why her parents “skirted” the issue. They may even have PREFERRED that she think it was the ex-BF’s parents who told them rather than have her guess the right person. It’s entirely possible that the BF OR his parents shared the info with a third party who told her parents.</p>
<p>There could be legitimate motivations for information flowing. And there could be a different channel than the ones you are certain of. (see Jonri above…as you age you find many things happen that are completely unpredictable and are done by people that you never would have guessed). I would simply file this away.</p>
<p>The french have a saying that translates “revenge is a dish that is best eaten cold.” ( I was informed of this by a genuine frenchman. ) I would take that to heart and let things cool off for a couple of years. It will give you perspective and whatever decisions you make and actions you take will be less likely to have self-destructive components</p>
<p>If someone called me to tell me about dangerous behavior on the part of my kid, I would be thankful. </p>
<p>But if someone is calling me to tell me something like “your kid got a tatoo”, because they’re hoping I will get mad at my kid, I would use vulgar language to let the “anonymous” caller know exactly what I think of people who anonymously call me in effort to get revenge on my kid because my kid broke up with their kid. And I would never tell my kid that some idiot called me with this information. Even if it was about a tatoo, and I really hate the idea of my kid getting a tatoo.</p>
<p>I do agree about passing on information about dangerous behavior. And, of course, most parents would do that as soon as they learned the information and it has nothing to do with breaking up or not.</p>
<p>Are you sure it was done out of revenge or was it done out of worry? Had your ex- boyfriend expressed concern over this issue in the past? Did he believe this issue had something to do with the break-up?</p>
<p>Doesn’t matter what any of us would do. You need to deal with the current situation in your life. First, take a look at your own actions and decide whether you could have done something differently or made better choices. Second, let this go, move on and learn from it.</p>
) I would take that to heart and let things cool off for a couple of years. It will give you perspective and whatever decisions you make and actions you take will be less likely to have self-destructive components</p>