<p>If you 1) had a son or daughter who was dumped by their significant other after a long-term relationship - not in the circumstances of cheating or bad behavior, 2) knew that they had very conservative parents, and 3) knew information about the ex that would make the parents extremely angry, would you take revenge by giving the parents a call and spilling it all (i.e. information like, a tattoo, occasional alcohol consumption, etc…)?</p>
<p>I ask because I am dealing with this situation currently and am trying to understand the logic behind it and am failing to come up with any rational explanation besides immaturity/illogical thinking.</p>
<p>No, I would not. That’s immature and sets a terrible example. Did someone do that to you? If so, I’m very sorry.</p>
<p>Kind of reminds me of the mom who got “revenge” on that middle school (or was it high school?) girl by posing as a boy and befriending her on MySpace, then ridiculing her. Why do people DO that kind of thing? No sense of proportion/perspective? Can’t let go of a grudge? Just plain crazy?</p>
<p>Not only that, but pettiness, vindictiveness and just plain poor character. They need to stay out of their son or daughter’s love life, and just be there for emotional support when things fail to workout.</p>
<p>I recently broke up with my boyfriend and an “anonymous” tipper let my parents know some info I would rather them not have found out - and the details are things only he or his parents would have known. I know it wasn’t him, because they are things he wouldn’t want my parents to know either. My parents are skirting the question of whether or not it was someone in his family, but flat out denied it was him. So basically, I know it was one of his parents, and am so confused as to why this happened.</p>
<p>As a teenager, I’d be perfectly OK with that if I actually did something to hurt someone’s son/daughter. But if I’m just breaking up because I don’t like them, and I did it on fairly good terms… There’s no need to ruin someone’s life over it unless they had it coming. Break-ups happen.</p>
<p>kelliebm- his parents are probably feeling his pain, and instead of counseling their son on accepting change, and urging resilience, they are seeking revenge. Be happy you are out of that family now, those parents sound very troubled and immature.</p>
<p>“anonymous” tipper let my parents know some info I would rather them not have found out</p>
<p>I guess there is a lesson here
.
If you have yet not developed your own core values that guide your decisions in life, then realizing that others would not approve of your behavior could be a way to learn to make responsible choices.</p>
<p>kelli…so HIS parents knew private information, which they found out from whom? I ask this because your ex probably told them. And if he told them, who knows who else or what else he has told people. If he didn’t want your parents to know,why would he tell his parents your private business.</p>
<p>Don’t assume he is innocent in this. Parents can’t share details they don’t have.</p>
<p>And it might not be “revenge”, depending on the details. Was your behavior worrisome, and something your parents should have known about?</p>
<p>His parents could have shared, feeling that once their son wasn’t in your life,then somebody in your life needed to be aware of your activities.</p>
<p>So it may have been payback, it may have been concern. Depends on the information sent.</p>
<p>It shoul;dnpt have been annonymously done, that was kind of chicken, but perhaps look at yourself, and see if perhaps there isn’t a bit of truth in what I am conjecturing</p>
<p>I would totally stay out of it. I agree with the other posters that you should talk to your son/daughter, even play devil’s advocate on how s/he is feeling, what if it happens again, how to handle his/her feelings. Breaking up is part of relationships. We all need to learn how to handle them because they may even happen after a marriage, and there may be kids involved. Breaking up is part of growing up, and understanding how to deal with that situation is where the growing and healing will happen, not in the gossip and talking about others or even spilling the beans as you say. </p>
<p>Think about how you would feel if you were the parent that received that call.</p>
<p>This isn’t a situation that calls for revenge. People have the right to break up with each other. The ex didn’t do anything wrong. And it sounds as though the ex’s behaviors – although they might upset the parents – are not dangerous to the point where you would be protecting anyone’s safety by tattling.</p>
<p>I also think that your own child would be very upset if you did something like what you propose. I know mine would.</p>
<p>As a parent, I know how it hurts to see your child hurting. However, getting “revenge” is not only immature, inappropriate and of bad character, it is also disturbing. I sense some emotional over-involvement here.</p>
<p>Mentally I might want to do something along those lines, but it’s not something I would ever express to my child or do. I think it’s a gut reaction that parents have to protect their children and fight for them, but maturity and rational thinking intercede and prevent one from acting upon those thoughts. </p>
<p>I do think ilovetoquilt has offered a valuable opinion.</p>
<p>2) an “anonymous” tipper let my parents know some info I would rather them not have found out</p>
<p>It is not immediately obvious to me that these two events are connected. By assuming that they are, you are just nurturing a grievance (maybe to make yourself feel better about breaking up with your ex?). </p>
<p>As for the second thing, it’s best not to do stuff that you wouldn’t want people to know about. Things have a way of getting out. On the other hand, none of us is capable of actually following this advice. Ow. I think every one of us has faced this kind of painful and embarrassing quandry at some time in our lives. So I feel bad for you.</p>