Would you build your dream house if you could?

Parent Cafe
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Background - I bought my house 12 years ago, when I was 25. By myself. I’ve focused on re-doing one part of the house each year and finally have the house just about how I like it in terms of features and design. There’s one project in flight at the moment (an outdoor project), and one more project to go after this one (bathroom reno). And then it will be complete. And perfect. For what it is (a house from the 40’s with small rooms).

I bought it because it was in an excellent school district for a reasonable price (when the market crashed) and close to work. However, it’s in a super busy area and it’s noisy (not only from car traffic but there’s also a train a few blocks away) and my boyfriend has an hour and 15 minute commute each way to work on a good day. Without a doubt, I know I could sell it for 75k more than I paid for it (based on comps in the area). It’s also just too small. I want a more space. Long story short, I really don’t want to live here anymore. I work at home now so am not tied to this neighborhood and it would be great to cut down on his commute.

We’ve been doing research on different areas and have been thinking about moving in a few years to a different area closer to his work after we get married. It’s going to cost about 2-3x as much (of what i originally paid) to live there. I keep thinking how it’s such a waste of money to move and pay that much more when we could be living here for peanuts in comparison… but that commute just sucks and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. (I commuted over an hour each way for 6 years - ugh!). And, we’re in an entirely different financial situation now than 25 year old fendergirl was when she bought this place. future 40 year old fendergirl and future spouse would easily be able to afford living there. (haha)

So… back to my question… Would you build if you could? As we’ve been researching, I can’t find a perfect house. I keep looking to get ideas for the future. I keep finding ones where i want to gut the kitchen, or I want to gut the bathroom, or the house is absolutely perfect but costs 5x as much as this place. Or they’re too big (why are modern houses sooooo huge!). I really don’t want to be in a situation where I’m renovating one room a year for 12 years. I want a place that has everything on both of our checklists day one. That is only 2-3x more expensive than our current house and not 5x more. We’d probably do a 15 year mortgage because I’m not starting over again at 30 years. I’m considering building. Then we get exactly what we want. Unless we magically find the golden house in 3-4 years when we’re ready to seriously start looking.

Curious what others have done in that situation.

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@fendergirl we bought our first home in 1985. Like you, we redid practically the whole house. But there were things we couldn’t change. We didn’t want to put an addition on to add an additional bathroom, garage and master bedroom…so…we bought land and built our house…now 25 years old.

We poured over magazines of house plans, and met with an architect as well. As it happens, we purchased our plans from a magazine and made some adjustments to them ourselves along with our builder. I’m not sure I would call it my “dream house” but it is a terrific house, great location, and was a wonderful place to raise our family.

We did look at houses that were already built, but nothing quite measured up to the plans we both liked.

Building a house was not a picnic. SOOOO many decisions to make in the process. But we ended up with a house we really really like and it’s served us well. We are now doing some upgrades again…but it’s been 25 years.

So…I say…look around. If you find a piece of land you really like in an area you really like…AND the lot is buildable, go for it. I am not sure they even publish those house plan magazines anymore but they sure were fun to look at if they do.

Good luck! Because you have lived in your house, and done work on it…you probably know what sorts of things you do and don’t want in your next home.

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Exactly! I have changed everything about this place that I can, without putting on a big renovation. And I don’t want to do that because we’re tired of living in this loud area and we want to cut down on his commute.

and yep, I do know what I want - I know what kind of fixtures I like, I know what hardwood i like, I know what carpet I like, I know what tile I like, etc. I also volunteer with habitat doing construction, so I’m pretty familiar with the process of building a home. I have a very specific wish list for my next home. Nothing crazy… yet it’s just been impossible to find. Not that I want to buy it right now anyway, but it’s nice to peep around and see how things are so we can prepare for the future. My other half’s brother is also an architect, so we’ve got an in with regards to designs. :smile:

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We bought our second house after considering building A dream house we even found a design and architect. The second house which we lived in and raised our kids was too large. Houses are always too large or too small. It was old and had great bones, an amazing kitchen and a 150 year old giant tree. It was great for raising kids. We redid the whole thing, cost a fortune, then decided to send kids to private school and so we moved out of the area. The house we now have is 85% great. The location is amazing but it needs a new kitchen which we’ll do.
We’d never consider building after redoing the old house. There are 1,000 considerations and honestly too many decisions. Also, we found wgen we looked at land that the best pieces already had houses on them.
In the past, I would have considered buying a small house and building on another wing. But at this point, I think we’d go with the 80% rule. If it has a great location, good light and 80 of what you need, I’d consider it.
FWIW, redos and new builds always cost far more than you were originally quoted in writing. Lol.

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I agree - they can add up quickly!!! I like your 80/20 rule, but idk. It would depend on what that missing 20 is - LOL.

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We built our “dream house.” We found plans in a magazine and then had a co-worker, an excellent architect, mark up the plans for us. It helped that DH was a carpenter in the past and a structural engineer at the time, so he was the GC. It is a BIG job. I’m glad we did it, but without his background in construction, I don’t know if it would have gone so well.

We feel just the opposite about fixing up an old house vs. building. Oh, my gosh, old houses have a lot of problems - DH investigates them almost every day. Building new meant we understood exactly what was in the house and that it was built correctly.

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@MaineLonghorn Agree 1,000%. Having someone in the trades helps a lot. And old houses can be money pits. This is the first house we’ve ever lived in without horsehair plaster. But the windows seal perfectly. Life is a tradeoff.

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I kid you not, within 6 months of living in this old house (hahaha, like the tv show!) I had to dig up our entire side yard because the sewer lateral broke. My mother said “Perks of being a home owner!”

I’ve built about… 20? 25 homes as part of habitat. I had to laugh about a design change I made to a house I was building a few years ago. I’m not sure if you or your hubby have ever worked with Habitat or not, but there’s basically a GC that oversees and then a bunch of volunteers. most of the regular volunteers here are elderly men who are retired and do it for something to do. I was one of the few women that volunteered regularly. This one day, i was volunteering with a group that I’d never worked with before (I usually went on weekends, and this time I had gone during the week).

These guys that I didn’t know were working on closing in this area under the stairs. I told them that who ever drew that out on the plans clearly didn’t use their head and that we should change the plans to have that be a storage area. The guy was like we can’t just change the plans. I was like sure we can, I can change them myself and re-frame it. He didn’t even ask me what I wanted to change, he just called the main guy over and was like, she wants to change the plans. The guy asks me what i’m thinking (i knew him well), I’m like instead of doing this (and I point to the paper) we can cut these two into jack studs and put a header here and blah blah blah to increase storage, and then he turns to the guy who was giving me a hard time and was like, why can’t she do that? that’s a great idea. I laughed so hard. I think he thought I was just a brand new person volunteering for the first time that knew nothing about construction.

the home owner came by a few hours later and saw her new closet under the stairs and literally gave me a hug when they told her it was my idea to add it - lol.

We don’t have a crazy wish list - but just enough things that it seems difficult to find for a reasonable amount of money. I did come across a nice house in the wrong town the other day. It was also on too much land and between that and its location, it came in about 50-100k above what I’d want our max budget to be. So who knows, maybe something like that will be found in the right town when we’re actually ready. :smile:

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@fendergirl I love too much land!!

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Yes, I would. My dream house would not be large, but must be at least two stories with a large second floor balcony overlooking interesting scenery. Must include a steam shower and a large soaking tub with powerful jets. A workout room is essential.

Very recently, I was a bit too slow on placing an offer on a nice sized lot (between 10 & 20 acres) with lush green grass and heavily treed within a few minutes of a major lake and within 30 minutes drive of a great city. (Very reasonable price so it didn’t last long on the market.)

A few years ago, I lost out on another dream lot (the land and view are more important to me than is the house). Had over 300 feet of ocean frontage with constantly changing views / scenery & was adjacent to the 18th green of the local country club which included dining, tennis courts, and a swimming pool. Very reasonably priced. Unfortunately, someone else purchased this lot and built a large 6 bedroom, 7 bath home on it. (Mine would have been 3 bedrooms & 2.5 or 3.5 baths. And my total square footage would have been one-third of the new owner’s home.)

Currently live on a decent sized lot with spectacular mountain views, yet it is not rural. Ready for a change. Need lots of lush green grass for the dogs, lots of mature trees, & water accessibility (lake, creek or ocean).

In short, I am just one lottery win away.

P.S. Yesterday, my internet service provided a slide show of the late comedian / actor Robin Williams’ single story home on the ocean in San Francisco because it received a significant price reduction. (For this one, I am probably two lottery wins away.) I wouldn’t change anything in this house including the furnishings.

Robin Williams’ home was interesting to me for a variety of reasons. Waterfront setting & simple, tasteful furnishings. Just one problem, of course.

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The thing you might run into, since you have done a lot of reno and know exactly what you want, is that you expect exactly that in a builder or reconstruction contractor. Sooo many times during our kitchen and bath remodel I ranted that if I wanted the tile (paint, wallboard, whatever) to look like that I would have done it myself. I expected perfection from the professional that I was paying boatloads of money to.

Unless you two can do a lot of the work, a custom home will be much more expensive.

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I can’t be trusted to do it. We planned on updating our master bathroom 2 years ago, came up with a budget, and DH said I could pick what I wanted. I ended up talking him into moving a wall so we could enlarge the shower and, while he loves it, he was supremely annoyed that I went almost 50% over budget. If I can blow that much extra on one bathroom, there is NO WAY I can do a whole house… ??‍♀️

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We custom built our last and did a huge reno of our current house. Building from scratch was easier. Would do it again in a heartbeat. Renovating an old house? Never again.

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@momofsenior1 - yeah, old houses are rough. I had to laugh - one of the things my other half wants in our new house is “modern electric”. I just looked at him for a minute or two and i’m like “… and by modern electric, you mean you want more outlets in each room?” he’s like “yes, exactly”. I’m like next thing we know he’ll be asking for modern plumbing and they’ll think we’re curringly using an outhouse for our bathroom. :wink:

After he made that comment I did have an electrician come over and install more outlets for us. Lol.

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We built our current house. And will likely build another in a couple years because this one needs updating. Would rather put the money into a new house that doesn’t have “old” bones. Plus we can get everything we want from scratch rather than having to remodel to get it. Building was fine. Had little kids at home. Now will be easier was empty nesters.

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I’ve built two homes.
We TRIED to find a house to buy. Our poor RE guy gave up and let me just take the listing book home to see if I could find anything at all. Must’ve looked at 20 plus places in person and I scoured neighborhoods. Ugh. But we did find a great lot(s) and a couple hungry contractors. And an excellent carpenter who we hired separately (much to contractors dismay who thought he went too slow and then delighted when everything was so square that everybody else was able to go that much faster afterwards…)

The first wasn’t big but lived like a dream. I loved that floor plan. We had two architect friends from college who took our initial plans and kept tweaking them. Not a lot of square footage (under 2000) but big bedrooms, big closets and lots of storage.

The second is considerably larger–twice the size. We bought and sold property at least 4 times before settling on the final lot. Worth it.
Took our time going over the plans from architect (make your changes BEFORE it gets built!)

Our contractor was an excellent carpenter turning contractor (he went on to build homes for 5 of our friends afterward). Talk about decisions! I spent countless hours on the internet finding fixtures, lighting, flooring…you name it, I ordered it. A LOT of work but I love it all. But SO many decisions to make!

If I were you…
Look for the area you want to be in. If you find a great lot, buy it. You can sell it if you find another. If you wait it’ll be gone.

Start your wish list now for must haves–things like open floor plan, kitchen, size of bedrooms, storage, etc before you see an architect. Look at design books but don’t fall in love with a design–find the lot first.

Find some books on efficient design–kitchen triangle, bathrooms, counter heights. Depth of shelves. It’s the little stuff that get you! Never assume your architect knows all these things and/or incorporates them. And builders make horrible architects in most instances.

Look at furniture placement in whatever plan you finally come up with. They don’t all work!

You have a HUGE advantage knowing about construction over most people. Just like those stairs, you can make changes on the plans.

We built our homes on a cost plus basis with the contractor. We paid cost for what we put in and paid flat fee to contractor to build.

Look around at lighting, fixtures you like but they change so you can’t make those decisions that long before you need them.

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When we were looking for a new house twenty years ago a lot came up just down the block from us. It was technically in a different school district, but we had friends who said they might considered selling a piece of their land so it could have a driveway into our school district. We were magnet parents so it didn’t matter for us, but might for resale. In any event. I noodled a bit with sketch paper and even though I am an architect and ought to have been thrilled with the thought, I really couldn’t decide what my dream house was. In the end we bought a 1923 house. It’s not perfect, the lot is a little too small and weirdly shaped. The stairs are in an awkward place making the living room hard to furnish. Eventually (ie after 14 years) we put in a big addition that gave us an eat-in kitchen and master bathroom and walk in closets and upstairs laundry. Except for being too close to one set of neighbors, it’s pretty perfect. I love the neighborhood.

I did design my parents’ dream house. It was great for them for about 15 years, but then it was just too much land and too much house and too far from family.

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We built one house–it’s not for the weak of heart. Sixteen years later (give or take–it took us almost two years to finish) we’re still happy with it. What bothered me was having to make decisions quickly–I’m very indecisive. If I were to do something different, I’d hire an architect or a project manager to oversee the process. We also did a large renovation on a vacation home. In some ways that was easier because we weren’t there when the renovation was happening. Good luck with your decision.

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We had always planned to build our last/retirement house when our son graduated from high school. We spent close to two years roaming the state for the perfect location, community, and builder. We found all three in the community we currently live in, but DH just couldn’t commit to the plan I preferred. We dithered so long that one of the community models that had been used as a stay-and-play came up for sale. It was a much larger house than we were looking to build but less than 2/3 the cost, and we couldn’t pass it up as it met every one of our checklist requirements and was loaded with every upgrade, beautifully landscaped, fully furnished (even if we didn’t want/use all the furnishings), and completely turn-key: dishes, silverware, pots/pans/utensils/bakeware/glassware, the gamut of barware, vacuum cleaners, linens, clothes steamer, ice cream maker, Keurigs; you name it, the house had it, even a casita. The house was meant to entice potential buyers to choose this community, so everything in and about it was high-end and perfect. It’s a lovely home.

BUT…

I regret not building because this house will never have the look-and-feel I find myself still dreaming of. It would be both foolish and cost-prohibitive to deconstruct what is a “perfect” house that we could easily sell as is. But I’m stuck because DH absolutely loves this place, especially after we invested in some further upgrades. He has what he wants, but I wish I’d stuck to my guns. I’m still scanning magazines and surfing real estate with little hope of ever having what I really want. We don’t have a mortgage, and there is no argument that will ever convince DH to build a new house in this community at current prices. So, I’m in the regretful state of living with what seemed to be a perfect choice at the time but daily reminds me of what it isn’t. This isn’t where I thought I’d be at this stage given all the meticulous planning we did. I live in a dream house, just not mine.

When you build, you get exactly what you want. Especially later in life, I don’t recommend compromise. If you can build, do it.

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You can do a lot of things to a house, except make it bigger; at least in a cost-effective way. If you’ve lived in a house for that long, yes, houses are going to be worth more because houses appreciate in value. That’s the advantage of owning a house. Unfortunately, it works in reverse when you’re in the market to buy a house from someone else.

Moving is more subjective than it is financial. For us, our old house worked great for us, but the homeowner’s association was the ultimate deal killer. When we found the new house, we paid almost twice as much as we paid for our old house, but our payment ended up to be not much more. We had 10 years of equity to put as a down payment. We bought an older house that was already fairly recently renovated.

You don’t have to completely gut an old house or build a brand new house. If the kitchen cabinets and vanities are in good shape, you can paint them. Flooring and countertops are surprisingly not very expensive, if you go through Home Depot. They even connect the plumbing. Just make sure the house you’re buying has a good HVAC and water heater.