<p>Would you?
I mean, would you get into a serious relationship with someone (now, in college) without the intention of ever getting engaged to them?
Or even just throwing on the title of boyfriend/girlfriend and not go into it thinking “this is gonna become something serious and I have to put some weight into this relationship.” </p>
<p>See, I ask this because I grew up here in the South, where a lot of the expectation is that you date someone because you’re seeing if they’re a potential marriage partner. Not to experiment or know yourself better or just have some fun (not saying the relationship isn’t fun, that’s not what I mean) or have a casual thing but FUTURE CRAP. In fact, I’ve been told NUMEROUS times from older people, as well as college kids here, that “there really is no point in dating a person if you couldn’t picture yourself marrying them.” </p>
<p>I ask because Dan Savage just came to talk to our college and said something that interested me. A girl was wanting the guy she was sleeping with to add the title, since he was already committed emotionally and physically, just didn’t want anything “official”. Dan went on to say that this whole “title thing, this two syllable word” was sort of BS. Sure, get into a committed relationship, plan for your future, but if you want to just be “boyfriend and girlfriend”, then just be that. No expectations. Just enjoying being that and being happy and not making any promises about the future. </p>
<p>That sounded so odd to me, but I sort of like it. I rarely hear of that concept here. But, anyways, just wanted to hear other people’s thoughts on the whole dating someone you wouldn’t plan to marry thing?</p>
<p>How would I want to marry her if I didn’t at least date her first?</p>
<p>If I met the right girl in college then yeah I’d have no problem marrying her. Will I meet her? Who knows. I wouldn’t date someone with the explicit intention of marriage but if that’s where things lead, great. If not, then that’s probably for the best.</p>
<p>So, to you guys, what entails a “serious relationship”?
Just being exclusive for a veeeeery long time?
I feel like dating and serious relationships are basically the same thing…but I might need some clarification on that.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s right to date someone if, from the very moment you start dating, you can say to yourself with absolute certainty “I am positive I will break up with this person.” I feel like that’s what 7th graders do.</p>
<p>Sometimes you just don’t know – you have to go in without expectations. You could date someone and wind up breaking up in a few months, or you might end up marrying them down the line.</p>
<p>If you’re dating someone and you know you won’t marry them later, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. While you know they’re not marriage material, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your time together in the present. Dating doesn’t have to be strictly a pre-marriage trial period. It’s just a particular form of relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p><em>Personally</em>, I don’t stay with someone I know I won’t have interest in down the line, because I value long-term over short-term.</p>
<p>It depends on what “not marriage material” means. I probably wouldn’t date someone who was completely against my beliefs for very long. I guess, for me, it’d be a person by person basis.</p>
<p>So perhaps I can give you some long term perspective.</p>
<p>In today’s modern world, it is likely that over the course of your life, until you do marry, you will have a SERIES of monogamous relationships. Four years with that person, three years with that person. </p>
<p>You will go through stages in your life. Your college days. Your first job. Etc. Etc. Etc.
It is likely that at each stage, you will have a different companion.</p>
<p>I agree with that last statement you made, Floridadad. Someone you might want to marry at 20 might not be someone you want to marry at 30. I dated someone for 3 years and really thought he was the one I would marry until I started to wake up and realize how controlling/jealous/just awful he really was to me. Since then I haven’t been looking for someone to marry (not even sure if I ever want to get married), but I have dated people. Personally I’d be happy with a long-term, monogamous relationship without the marriage license. Too many people/circumstances change and you never know where you’ll end up. Plus, if you’re not meeting that perfect someone, does it make sense to be lonely and miserable, or to date and get to know other people? It doesn’t have to become serious, and you can let your intentions be known from the beginning - and those intentions may even change as you get to know the person better.</p>