<p>I would mail it. Last year there were several colleges on my daughter’s list she didn’t apply to, but was well qualified for (parents thought so, GC, teachers thought so). But she wound up not applying at the last minute. </p>
<p>She regretted the omission a little in April, but after all the excitement died down she really regretted not trying, especially since her results indicated that she would have been a competitive candidate. She may not have gone to those schools, but she would have at least known that she tried.</p>
<p>Strange things happen in my house all the time. Bills and important papers get thrown in the trash, letters with stamps get thrown into the mailbox (wink wink).</p>
<p>Besides, if it is stamped and on the kitchen table, it might be some kind of federal offensefor you NOT to mail it. She wouldn’t want to have to visit her Mom and Dad in Leavenworth would she??</p>
<p>I spoke with her on her way home yesterday and really pressed her for an answer. She told me that the scholarship school had her heart, but that the state school was the right choice for her life. Even thought she wasn’t wild about the school, the program and price are perfect. She said that if she got the scholarship it would hurt even more but she would stand by her choice and that she feels a certain peace with herself in knowing that she’s not trying to take a scholarship away from a student who will definitely attend. She is sad but resolute and I can’t do anything but respect her wishes, so the envelope and the lovely essay have been tossed. I just have to wonder if head should always win over heart.</p>
<p>Your daughter sounds quite wonderful. I have a son who’s probably her age who’s a freshman this year. I think it’s time to bring back arranged marriages.</p>
<p>She can’t un-unmail it later. It’s all about having just one more option. If, for whatever reason, it doesn’t pan out, she hasn’t lost anything. In contrast, 30 years from now she could be on a message board still kicking herself that she didn’t send it in. This is one of those rare borderline circumstances where I think some parental pressure to do the right thing is justified. Good luck.</p>
<p>"Your daughter sounds quite wonderful. I have a son who’s probably her age who’s a freshman this year. I think it’s time to bring back arranged marriages.</p>
<p>What do you say?"</p>
<p>Thank you Tar! This is exactly the kind of girl she is, naturally empathetic (as opposed to the demon right behind her!), kind and practical. She’s also cute as buttons. Does your son want children? ZG plans a family and that’s non-negotiable, so he has to be open to fatherhood after they have purchased a home and put some money aside.</p>
<p>Zmom, it sounds like your D was tired of being in limbo and made a decision. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and it’s probably a relief for her now to know where she’s headed. You are a better mom than me, though—I would have mailed the letter . At our house, we have a “no regrets” policy regarding big decisions. For any big decision (and we’ve been through some doozies), once we’ve made it, we move forward, and don’t waste time saying “what if”–Hopefully this will be the case for your daughter, so she WON"T be posting on CC 30 years from now that she should have tried for the scholarship.</p>
<p>I’m profoundly sad about this because, as my hubby put it, the folks at scholarship school “ate her up with a spoon,” but her decision makes the world of practical sense. She keeps telling me “think big picture here, mom”</p>
<p>I have the most profound admiration for your D’s integrity. When my Ss made up their minds, I urged them to let the schools know right away so that other students would have a chance. </p>
<p>Am I glad you did not send the letter behind her back! She has a great explanation for it. Sometimes, writing an application really clarifies things.</p>
<p>My goodness, what a sensible girl. Okay, that makes sense – she has made up her mind already as to where she plans to go! </p>
<p>If it was my own daughter, I would have pressured her to send it, knowing that her mind would change the next day or shortly thereafter. It’s been an interesting year, first trying to figure out which schools to apply to, and now, which of those will end up being first choice? I wish my daughter had a clue about where to go. I wish I knew what all the choices are going to be. A month is starting to seem like an awfully short period to weigh all the options. April is going to be a <em>funny</em> month around here, I have a feeling. I only hope one of the schools on her list becomes an obvious choice shortly after April 1!</p>
<p>Well, congratulations to you for having a kid with such a level head!</p>
<p>ZM, I guess I don’t understand what ZG sees as a shortcoming at applying to a good program at a more expensive school if she can get the FinAid. What am I missing here?</p>
<p>She has made a decision that makes sense to her. It does sounds like she’s put a good a amount of logical thought into this. ZM, you must be very proud of her!</p>
<p>I am really proud of her and I completely agree with her reasons, but the fact is that she was lukewarm upon visiting the school she has agreed to attend, whereas she was in love with the other school. But you’re right. The decision is made and must be respected. I know it’s the right thing, but I wanted her to be joyful about her choice and she isn’t. Silly, right?</p>
<p>Well, was she joyful when she got her acceptance? My son was happy when he got acceptances and scholarships/grants. When he made his decision it was not joyful for him either. He was stuck deciding between 2 schools. It was a fork in the road of life. He also made his decision based on logistics, knowing his limitations, what he was looking for in his school, etc. It was not a joyful time until he went to orientation. Now he is joyful and so enthusiastic about his school. Being happy when you are at your school is what is truly important. ZM enjoy your piece of mind since you know where she is going.</p>
. At our house, we have a “no regrets” policy regarding big decisions. For any big decision (and we’ve been through some doozies), once we’ve made it, we move forward, and don’t waste time saying “what if”–Hopefully this will be the case for your daughter, so she WON"T be posting on CC 30 years from now that she should have tried for the scholarship.</p>