<p>We tried to use my mom’s friend for our realtor when we were house hunting and that didn’t go very well either. She gave us a lot of misinformation and was never available to go to showings. I didn’t know how to get out of it and she was NEVER available so I just started using a different realtor and didn’t say anything… 6 months later when she finally asked if we were interested in seeing any houses I had to tell her we already had one. Oops. </p>
<p>I would guess that most of the time the “friend” knows well enough that it might be awkard for you to use their services, and is just asking to be nice just in case you might be interested. I am at a point where I feel like anybody in their right mind should know better than to work with a friend, including the friends looking for work!</p>
<p>My fiance does some work for my father now and even that is awkward. They are the bestest of best buddies and very like minded, and they are both doing everything right, and it is still sometimes hard not to let it get in the way of the relationship.</p>
<p>You handled this right, and I am sure your friend understood!</p>
<p>We ONCE tried using a relative as a dentist. It was a disaster and we switched to a friend who was also a disaster. Now we have a good neutral dentist. </p>
<p>We tried using a relative as realtor–disaster! Switched to a competent pro and everything went perfectly.</p>
<p>I guess I am in the minority as one of my very good friends is our family attorney. It started with her doing our estate planning and now she’s taking care of other matters as well. She is perhaps the most honorable and organized person I’ve ever known and it comforts me to know that if my H and I were both gone, she is the one my kids would need to deal with. I also know she is a vault when it comes to our confidential financial affairs. Still, I will admit that it was odd to first tell her how much money we had and the details of our investments.</p>
<p>We refinanced years ago using a broker who is the cousin of some people we know well. Since that time we’ve come to know him better also and socialize a bit. He did great job with our mortgage and we got a crazy good rate. His representative came to the house for us to sign the papers so it was super convenient as well.</p>
<p>I can also add that I knew my OB’s wife socially and not long after my second child was born, we were at a party playing Trivial Pursuit with him. It did feel quite awkward but then again, he had delivered the babies of half the women there.</p>
<p>Lastly, our dentist is a good friend although I didn’t know her as well when we first saw her professionally. There hasn’t ever been a problem of awkwardness and she takes amazingly good care of the whole family. I also have her home number for emergencies so that’s nice.</p>
<p>Never ever ever ever mix business with friendship. If I were you, I wouldn’t pin this one on my husband. Instead, I’d say, “we have a longstanding policy not to do business with our friends or family.” This “I have a policy” thing also works for things like not giving money over the phone, not taking texts during conversations, not donating a buck at the register to save homeless dogs, etc. No one argues with you when you say that, especially if you don’t elaborate, but just change the subject.</p>
<p>Lerkin, when I was expecting my kids, our next door neighbor was an OB/GYN whom we saw socially. The entire neighborhood wondered why I didn’t go to him. And I wondered why my neighbors wondered this. He was very well respected, but um, ICK!</p>
<p>It’s harder in a small town sometimes, because good professionals can be hard to find. Perhaps you feel you know the best practitioner in a field, so you don’t want to choose someone lesser professionally simply because it’s your friend. </p>
<p>When we lived in a small town and I was younger, I wanted to choose my friend’s husband to deliver our first baby, because he was very progressive and nobody else there came close (I interviewed.) First thing I asked was whether he could keep confidences from his wife, my friend. Of course he could, and did; it’s all professional ethics. He never disappointed me, either.</p>
<p>Problem was: she was also pregnant, and our due dates aligned by a week. In month #9 she’d kind of snarl at me, “If we go into labor at the same time, remember: he’s staying with me!” I didn’t argue! Fortunately, I gave birth three days earlier, and had to stay in hospital a week (C-Sec). We got to visit each other with two new babies, and I got ample post-partem visits by her H on his way to see his own first-born.</p>
<p>But we didn’t go to friends for financial help, because - unlike having a baby - money is just too personal.</p>
<p>I am an accountant and also prepare taxes like bajamm. Some of my friends and family ask me to do their returns and some want nothing to do with my knowing all their financial information. I certainly don’t mind either way. It took my parents years to ask me to do it but now are really happy they did since they are more comfortable with me than with a “stranger”. Of my siblings, two have me do it, one doesn’t, and the last one I stopped doing because I knew that somebody there would be a problem. I do it for all my children including the married ones. Should they ever want to have somebody else do it I certainly wouldn’t mind. Some of their friends also have me do them and I do. I rarely turn them down. If I do it’s because the relationship might go sour, but not because of privacy issues. That has never been a problem.</p>
<p>I ask my brother the doctor medical questions all the time. My sister is a lawyer and if I needed her, I would ask. My other sister took out my wisdom teeth. So far I haven’t found a profession that I wouldn’t turn to a family member for. Maybe if my brother was a gynecologist :)</p>
<p>But for the OP: I certainly understand how you feel and would agree that you handled it perfectly.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t use this friend because she is brand new to the business.</p>
<p>i do use a good friend as lawyer in certain situations, but none where she has full disclosure of my financial situation. If I die in near future, she’ll be executor of my estate. My son knows her, and she’ll handle my affairs better than my relatives.</p>
<p>When choosing a realtor, I made the mistake of using a friend. She turned me over to her partner, but came to closing, so she got her money. When selling my parents’ place, I told her I was using someone who is specialist in their area.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t use a friend for a medical procedure where I was exposed==creepy. I would ask my friend for a referral in his/her office. My cousin visited me before and after I gave birth, but not during delivery.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is a Realtor, and all her clients are our former co-workers. Doesn’t seem to make a difference to them because she is well-loved and trusted.</p>
<p>that is not the same thing. Realtors don’t see the nitty gritty. I have bought numerous properties over the years and my realtors haven’t seen much at all…very, very little.</p>
<p>I dont like friends or relatives privy to our financial information. Our accountant became a trusted friend though.</p>
<p>I think your response was good. Hopefully, you can recommend her to others. Since we have no intention of moving, I would probably tell your friend, Im looking to refinance when I can get a 30 yr fixed loan @3.5% with a net cost of $1,000 or less. Currently, Im happy with my loan at 3.75% fixed. If a friend can give me a really good rate with competitive out-of-pocket expenses within a reasonable time frame then I would be willing to let her handle our refi.</p>
<p>You gave a good response.
For me, it depends on who else is available to do the work. I personally want the BEST person to do work—I don’t care if it’s a stranger or family. But I would hate to have to fire a friend.<br>
As to your finances, maybe you could get some pointers from your friend.</p>
<p>No ! We once listed a property with a friend who was dabbling in real estate. It was a waste of time….and the company he affiliated himself with wasn’t a great one for our area. No hard feelings , but if I had to do it again, I’d choose a neutral professional.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I also stopped going to my former PCP because we socialize with him a bit. It’s okay for my husband , but that’s too personal for me.</p>