<p>A friend of mine is making a career change and starting a job as a mortgage loan officer. She texted me today saying she could help me refinance my house. At first I said, “oh, maybe!” because I wanted her to know I was excited for her and believe in her abilities, but then afterwards I thought–wait, that’s weird. I would have to give her ALL my financial information (salary, bank balances, credit history, etc.). So I texted her later and said, “actually since I might be moving in a year it probably isn’t the best time, but I could definitely refer some house hunters I know!”</p>
<p>What would others have done? How much do you share details of your family’s financial circumstances with your friends?</p>
<p>Tell her that your husband is not comfortable with her knowing the family’s nitty gritty.
Yeah, throw him under the bus.
He won’t mind, if it keeps your friend out of your finances.</p>
<p>I guess it would depend on the friend and how much I trust her. I have a friend who is a Realtor, and all her clients are our former co-workers. Doesn’t seem to make a difference to them because she is well-loved and trusted.</p>
<p>beerme, great suggestion except she knows I don’t have a husband. :)</p>
<p>I should add that this friend is THE most fiscally responsible person I know, and I am, well, not. I try hard but I would imagine she would be appalled at some of my spending habits and past financial decisions. That’s a big reason I didn’t want to do this after I thought more about it.</p>
<p>Perfectly fine to say that you aren’t ready at this time to consider refinancing and when you do, you will likely be shopping around for best rates and terms. It’s perfectly fine to not want to share financial and private info with friends. I don’t even share that type of info with relatives and would definitely NOT be sharing this type of info with friends, no matter how happy I am for them to get a new job. I try to make financial decisions based on FINANCES, not on friendships.</p>
<p>Even if she’s the most fiscally responsible person, doesn’t mean her terms and rates are the best for YOU. Mortgages and refinances can involve considerable sums and it does make sense to shop around for rates and terms, IF you are planning on staying put.</p>
<p>I think what you did is perfect! And no, I would never do this with a friend. But, I have a very clear line between business and pleasure. The few times I’ve tried to mingle them it always got uncomfortable somehow.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. I have the same basic belief about business and pleasure, actingmt. But I live in a pretty small city where everyone seems to know each other, so sometimes it is easier said than done.</p>
<p>I’m not sure how I would feel in your situation. My mortgage guy was a starnger the first time I used him. Turned out we had social ties that developed later and I’ve used him for mortgage stuff several times since. But I figured he already knew all my financial “secrets”.</p>
<p>Similar idea - I have a fairly close friend who is a gastroenterologist. Everyone says he’s the best in town. (I have no doubt, he’s smart and caring and all good stuff - that’s why we’re friends.) We have mutual friends who go to him for their colonoscopies. I won’t. I’ve told him I just can’t be friends and have him do that to me. It’s my problem, not his. (He’s the utmost professional but I’m 12 when it comes to this!) He understands how I feel. </p>
<p>Sometimes you just can’t mix friendship and professional services.</p>
<p>Refinancing a house is kind of a big deal - not something you should choose to do just as a “favor” to a friend! Were you already considering refinancing? If that was not in your plan, just say, you are not interested in refinancing - done! And wish her best of luck in her new position. You can even offer to refer people to her if you hear of anyone wanting to refinance - IF you do really trust her - but you should feel no obligation to move ahead with this with her in any shape or form.</p>
<p>Not a good idea to even get into the topic. As if you did, you might discover that she would not have the best deal out there, and then to say no while into the process would make it far more difficult. </p>
<p>Let her know you value the friendship too highly to get into something this potentially awkward with her.</p>
<p>I agree that I would not want to discuss the minute details of my finances with a friend. One of DD’s friends just went into financial consulting and keeps trying to get us to become a client. I am not comfortable with that scenario either.</p>
<p>I don’t so much as have home parties (jewelry, basket, food, etc) for friends anymore. I got off the party circuit over a decade ago. I certainly wouldn’t refi, or use someone for professional services as a favor. </p>
<p>Having said that, when we purchased this home our original lender was a bank a dear friend was VP at. The rates and terms were best, it was a construction to permanent loan (never again in this lifetime!) so local was important. We weren’t going to avoid the lender over that. He wasn’t the loan officer, but his boss, although it had to cross his desk. When the final loan went to closing, locking into a fixed rate, we were surprised to see the rate 1/4 % lower then what we’d locked in at. When we asked the closing officer said matter of factly “Oh that’s a FOD discount…” We looked blankly. She elaborated “friend of Dan”. We certainly didn’t turn it down, but it had never been discussed, mentioned, anything. We sent a bottle of scotch, the end. I guess I look at it like a Dr, they see so many naked bodies mine is of no interest. As I said, the key is I’d never chose someone or have a service because they were a friend, but I wouldn’t avoid them if I needed something and they were the best.</p>
<p>I have a policy of not doing business with friends, because relationships are complicated enough without introducing other issues.</p>
<p>Never getting involved in that way means avoiding potentially awkward situations to try to get out of. My business is simply business and my friendships just for the personal relationship. If I used a friend as a lawyer, I would fear it could hurt our personal relationship if I felt I ever needed to use a different lawyer. </p>
<p>Just one opinion, but this path has worked for me.</p>
<p>I forgot about the home parties. I won’t go to them, even if a bunch of my friends will be there. I just hate that kind of pressure. For a while I bought some Arbonne stuff from a friend at work because it was easy and I didn’t have to go to events. But then I stopped.</p>
<p>The idea of having a friend do a colonoscopy or a root canal is gross to me too. I did have an awkward situation after my daughter was born–the resident helping with my birth turned out to be the friend of a friend having a Super Bowl party, so two weeks after she was born the resident saw me and my baby with our clothes on. I had not behaved exactly the best during labor so it was embarrassing to say the least.</p>
<p>I am another one for not mixing personal relationships with business relationships. I prepare taxes at a major tax preparation business and one of our perks is to be able to do our own return for free, plus 5 friends and family returns for free. I never use that because I don’t want to know my friends and finaly finances that well. It is just weird.</p>
<p>Sally…I’ve always felt that my OB wouldn’t recognize me unless I was half undressed, so maybe he didn’t recall you and your delivery room antics. Which I’m sure were not all that unique ;-)</p>
<p>I didn’t even have my own brother, who is a mortgage broker, handle our refinance, and we are close. I prefer to keep those type of business transactions impersonal.</p>
<p>We did hire a close friend to install new flooring in our house, and it was a disaster. He was a professional contractor who was struggling financially, and, it turns out, he was struggling because he was a total flake. We lost all respect for him in the process, and the friendship was ruined. Never again!</p>
I had not behaved exactly the best during labor so it was embarrassing to say the least.</p>