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<p>That is correct. My social skills are problematic and the worst part is that I don’t want to go through the pain of attempting to improve them.</p>
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<p>Sadly that is true. Ideally I shouldn’t care what people think about me, but my messages on this forum show that deep inside I care.</p>
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<p>i don’t think there is anything anyone can do for me. All this venting, it’s just a quick fix, but the larger problem remains.</p>
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<p>Regardless of the label used by anyone, you agree that your social skills could use some improvement but you recognize it would take work. You seem like a very bright person who has a lot to gain by at least TRYING to work with a GOOD professional that would help you improve/polish some social skills that could help you for the rest of your life. It’s hard to see a downside (other than it being some work and time). You will never know how good things can get if you don’t put forth some serious effort.</p>
<p>It will really be sad for you to never find out how much better life could be if you put a little more into the social aspects. No one can force you to, but you acknowledge things could be better–take the risk and find a good counselor that you can connect with to see how far you can go.</p>
<p>Best of luck–remember, not all counselors are created equal. Some are duds and some are amazing. You deserve an amazing one, so go for it!</p>
<p>PMVD, maybe a girlfriend will make you a little more confident in yourself.</p>
<p>Actually, getting better social skills (through professional counseling & coaching), will help with friends with the possibility of a future romantic interest. When one has “problematic social skills,” by definition, it reduces the number of social contacts and friends, including reducing the likelihood of romantic relationships. Having good sound friendships is an important skill before dealing with the entanglements romantic relationships bring. ECs can be very helpful with this. Social skills CAN be aided via coaching and counseling.</p>
<p>guys I think he’s a ■■■■■… he’s made a gazillion pitty party topics. Check his post history from the beginning. I would offer advise, but he always ignores TONS of good advise and when he acknowledges someone he gives excuses like laziness.</p>
<p>I think he also used to post under the name “Moire” because the posts are remarkably similar.</p>
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I’d take him out of college and let him work in a menial job for a year or two until he stopped whining so much.</p>
<p>pmvd,<br>
I’m going to suggest you take this test,
[Wired</a> 9.12: Take The AQ Test](<a href=“http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html]Wired”>Take the Autism Test | WIRED)
and if you score is hi, which I suspect it might be, go and get tested by a qualified PHD for Aspergers Syndrome, which is quite often found to be the explanation for “social problems” in intelligent, introverted people. An inability or difficulty in interacting socially with others in a fluid, easy manner, is a hallmark of Aspergers. You may very well not be depressed, but if there is a reason- In Aspergers the brain is wired differently- for your difficulties with social interactions with others, then identifying it may be a first step to figuring out what you can change. People can get better at social interactions with others, but it takes practice, the more the better.</p>
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<p>So is he some kind of stubborn, or whatsoever…? But anyway, if i’d be his parent I guess we really need to talk… I’d be more proud if he would open up and tell me the truth that he can’t do any better in college, I don’t want to push my kid to anything that she doesn’t really like… But, please don’t bury the fact that parents only want the best for their child…</p>
<p>In short, yes.</p>
<p>“That being said, how would you feel if you were my parent or if your son or daughter had my attitude?..”</p>
<p>Well, you asked…</p>
<p>Chances are, if you were my son or daughter, you wouldn’t have that attitude. Basically, what you’re describing is a slacker. And I would have kicked your tail long ago, probably at the age of 7 or 8, and let you know that it’s not acceptable to be a slacker.</p>
<p>Yea, you would have tested me about then, if not earlier, but you would have gotten the same reaction from me and my wife. Sometimes she can be tougher than me on slackers. </p>
<p>Your post seems pretty self-indulgent as well.</p>
<p>I’m not telling you this stuff to put you down. On the contrary. You need to hear it. </p>
<p>From the sound of it, you take everything for granted and don’t realize how many folks out there would kill to have your brains and opportunity. Even if you don’t think you owe it to yourself to get up off your butt and contribute to society, you owe it to all those who will never be in the position you are in. So get after it.</p>
<p>John.</p>
<p>Menloparkmom, thanks for the site! It was fascinating & I see my S in some of those questions. We did go to a lot of museums and he really likes & needs a lot of “alone time,” tho he does like people and gets along well with them, thankfully. He’s not nearly as good with social situations as his sister.</p>
<p>To answer the OP’s original question: Yes, I would be disappointed if he were my child. I’d be disappointed to have raised a help rejecting complainer who lacks empathy as well as the motivation to change his behaviors that cause the problems he continues complaining to strangers about.</p>
<p>O.P.,</p>
<p>Would you say that you can be rather candid about your shortcomings with others (apart from your family) or is that something pretty much reserved to do anonymously on the Internet?</p>
<p>OP,
I do not see anything to complain about in your situation. People are different, different personalities, work habits, social interaction needs, interests. If you are not bored with yout life, then what is actual problem that you are pointing out? $30k / year is not such a bad idea in this economy, a lot of people would even work for free just to get an experience. My first professional job that was not much different of had less responsibilities than my current job paid $12,000 / year and getting this job made me exceptionally happy. Nobody should be in business of changing their personality, it will create emotional problems. Remain yourself no matter what. I have to be busy 100% of time to be happy, others like to watch TV, and third like to be in touch with friends 100% of time, carriying cell into bathroom. There is nothing wrong with any of them, just different.</p>
<p>“who lacks empathy as well as the motivation to change his behaviors that cause the problems he continues complaining to strangers about.”
NSM, you should know that these characteristics- an inability to “read” other persons emotions, which can be misconstrued as indicating a person has a lack of “empathy”, is a hallmark of Aspergers syndrome. Asking someone who has Aspergers to “change his behavior”, which is caused by the way the brain is hard wired [those with Aspergers are often lacking motor neurons] is like asking someone with no legs to grow a new pair!
The OP many or may not be an Aspiey, but there are many introverted, geeky, socially awkward people with hi intelligence in colleges who do have difficulty interacting socially with others because of the way their brain’s are wired. This is not an excuse, it is a reason for their difficulties.</p>
<p>“The OP many or may not be an Aspiey, but there are many introverted, geeky, socially awkward people with hi intelligence in colleges who do have difficulty interacting socially with others because of the way their brain’s are wired. This is not an excuse, it is a reason for their difficulties.”</p>
<p>I’m aware of that. What I would find disappointing if I were the OP’s parent would be his continuing to ask for advice while showing no interest in getting help to change the behaviors that seem to concern him.</p>
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<p>What if you are the problem? What if you had a naturally unlikable personality or one that creates issues for others around you? If being you created your problems all along, it’s not society, it’s you.</p>
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Does nobody take Dale Carnegie courses any more?</p>
<p>One of the BEST ways to be happier is to consider whether any changes to your life or presonality might make a difference–Covey & Dale Carnegie and Toastmasters. Why be stuck with unhappy? It makes no sense NOT to try to make changes to improve your life and experiences.</p>