<p>I’m the first person in my family to go to college and it is my perception that given my parents’ socioeconomic status, it was surprising for a lot of people to learn that I attend college. For a person of my socioeconomic status to attend a decent college, it’s like for a normal, middle-class kid to attend Harvard. People react the same way when they learn the name of the schools we go to.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have a hermit-like personality type and social skills that are at the same time laughable and possibly pitiable. My attitude is also not as good as it should be: I refuse to force myself to socialize or do extracurricular activities. You might think that perhaps I spend my free time with my nose in a book, which is not commendable but at least not the most terrible thing a person my age could do, but unfortunately I’d rather slack off and pull an all-nighter the night before a test than give the impression that I do well in school because I work hard. Unfortunately, that’s how much I care about my image.</p>
<p>I understand that with my personality type, social skills and lack of extracurricular activities, it will be difficult for me to find a job after graduation, but I still don’t care, because I know that I don’t have the mental capacity or the talent necessary to be at the top of any field and all other jobs, unfortunately, seem equally dull to me. I’ll feel equally satisfied if I end up being a cubicle worker making $30k/year or a cubicle worker making $60k/year or a cubicle worker making $90k/year or a cubicle worker making $120k/year: I’ll live the same life but the more money I make the more options I’ll have when it comes to spending money on things I don’t need.</p>
<p>That being said, how would you feel if you were my parent or if your son or daughter had my attitude? As for my parents, I imagine that they feel proud that I attend a decent college, but I’m afraid that their pride won’t last too long. They can’t complain, though, at least it’s unlikely I’ll end up doing manual labor.</p>
<p>Do you want to improve your study and social skills? It will give you a LOT more options and help you have a happier life. Even if you can pull all-nighters and get passing grades now, figuring out how to pace your work is a lifeskill that iwll help you in a later career and “real life” when you are doing projects and other things that take sustained effort.</p>
<p>Social skills ARE CRUCIAL for functioning in a group, where more and more work is being performed. All colleges have counseling and other services that can help with social skills and study habits. </p>
<p>By refusing to socialize or do ECs, you are cutting off a significant part (many would say one of the most important parts) of your college experience. You have no idea what it will feel like if you try to develop these key skills and how much you have to gain by trying. People skills are key to finding a job you will enjoy and last at and get hired to perform. Please don’t underestimate the value of cultivating these skills.</p>
<p>Back to the question you posed–I’d actually be proud but sad and disappointed if you were my child. I’d be proud that you got yourself to college and appear to be progressing but sad and disappointed that you aren’t working on social skills, which I see as invaluable to a happy and successful life.</p>
<p>It seems as if you’re selling yourself short. I’m an introvert by nature, but it’s really helped me to just GET OUT THERE and make myself be friendly. And what do you know, every once in awhile I find someone I really relate to and make a good friend! There are other people you like out there, you know! And ECs can be fun! I agree with HIMom’s evaluation. I would be disappointed FOR you, knowing that you could be much happier and fulfilled if you took some risks and extended yourself.</p>
<p>It’s pretty normal to feel that you don’t “deserve” to have been admitted to your schoool, or that you’ve somehow “fooled” people into thinking you are more talented than you actually are. I wouldn’t be too worried as a parent about your self-doubts.</p>
<p>Obviously it’s impossible to understand you from two paragraphs on an an internet board, but just based on that, as a parent, I’d be a little worried about your self-esteem. I’d also be worried that everything seems “equally dull” to you–that sounds like you’re a little depressed.</p>
<p>I’d encourage you to spend less time worrying about your image and more time figuring out what makes you happy. In the end, you don’t have to live up to your parent’s expectations, you have to live up to your own.</p>
<p>My impression is that you have a lot of conflicted feelings around a whole cluster of issues - self, family, society, definitions of success. I think you need counseling to start unraveling them. I suspect you are depressed. Yes, someone can be an introvert and not be depressed, but I believe something a bit more serious might be going on. </p>
<p>There are many career options that quieter/introverted people can do that involve more than being in a cube farm. College is the time to explore ideas and careers that fascinate and feed your mind AND fit your personality type. College is also the time to challenge your fixed/rigid notions of self (Oh, I just don’t want to ever socialize). Who says? You have become so rigid you don’t even want to try a teensy little bit. That isn’t you “knowing” yourself – that is you limiting yourself with a rigid definition and defiantly clinging to it. If you say “I can’t I can’t” followed by “I won’t I won’t” often enough, that WILL become your permanent reality.</p>
<p>If you want to create for yourself something more interesting, then get shake things up - try new things, try counseling, try discoverng a new passion.</p>
<p>Otherwise you’re going to wake up at age 65 and wonder why you just spent all those years in the cube farm.</p>
<p>Btw, if depression is at the root of this problem (it is possible to be very intelligent and well-organized/successful and be depressed) - that may need to be treated first.</p>
<p>You asked about your parents. I wouldn’t be disappointed in you. I’d be concerned why my wonderful intelligent child was appearing to be so withdrawn and afraid to live life according to his/her passions.</p>
<p>Ok, I’m leaning in the opposite direction of the other posters. The world isn’t going to “group” mentality with so many jobs being in those cubicles of yours. The job title and the pay grade shouldn’t matter as long as you’re happy. Too many feel like they have to become leaders in top professions to be successful without a thought to their own well being. I’m not saying and I don’t think you’re saying that your life’s desire is live 8-5 in a cubicle for the next 40 years but if that suits you and your personality type then fine. So what if you aren’t radiating charisma or out to rule the world - and just look back through history at some of the freaks of nature and monsters who have. Although, it wouldn’t hurt to challenge your hermit side to merely say hi to 3 people on the way to each class and peek outside of your box every once in a while. Just be true to yourself. You’ll be a success in your own right. </p>
<p>BTW, I’d be proud of you. I’m sure your parents are proud as well.</p>
<p>Beating expectations is something that typically pleases parents. Especially since parents like to believe that some of the things that they did contributed to beating the odds.</p>
<p>You might consider looking for a mentor. Maybe in your circle of relatives if there is someone that you look up to. Perhaps a professor in your department or a grad student would be willing to help.</p>
<p>I’ve spent a lot of time talking to my kids one-on-one about a lot of different things. School, the working world, relationships, politics, economics, money, health, motivation, character, habits of success, etc. Sometimes they ask about things and sometimes I lead a discussion based on things that I see in their lives. If I see them doing something wrong or doing something inefficiently, I let the know and may suggest alternatives.</p>
<p>Any parent has disappointments with their kids but the parent can work to figure out the cause for the disappointment and then work with their kids to improve in the future. That’s a common theme in the parents forum. It’s more productive to fix what didn’t work than it is to dwell on something that didn’t go well. Not all parents can put disappointments behind them and then go on to improve. This is exactly what successful people and companies do though.</p>
<p>I’d be both proud and concerned - proud for all you’ve accomplished and concerned that you hadn’t yet gotten to the point where you pushed past your introverted nature and forced yourself to be a little more social and outgoing. Because, yes, if you’re going to be successful in life (whether in a career, in a social situation, with friends) you’re going to have to be more outgoing than a hermit. I know where you’re coming from. I was very shy through college - I was fine and could be outgoing with close friends, but I was very uncomfortable with meeting new friends and trying new things. I eventually forced myself, and over time it became easier. I’m still uncomfortable with meeting new people and going into new situations, but I’ve done it enough that I know I can do it and most people would never have any clue how uncomfortable I really am. I’m sure the people who attended the first few business meetings I ran had no idea I had to run to the bathroom and throw up beforehand!</p>
<p>If you were my child, I would urge you to go to the school counseling center and talk to someone. I would also urge you to get out there and try. I’m doing that now with my 15 year old D - I have required her to do some activities in HS that will force her to meet people, and it turns out she’s enjoyed them. I still have to encourage her (a lot, sometimes) to do the next thing. I’m hoping that by the time she goes to college she’ll have gotten herself more comfortable with social situations and being with people she doesn’t know well. Social skills are important, and I think you’ll be happier if you work on them.</p>
<p>FYI, this poster is a ■■■■■ who posts messages like this for attention. He was posting them non-stop in the College Life forum and I guess he wasn’t getting enough attention over there anymore so now he is here.</p>
<p>Yes, he posts thread after thread about people condescending to him, etc., and he doesn’t take anyone’s advice. He just keeps posting variations of the same subject.</p>
<p>Read that after you read this thread, especially note the last line:
Basically it means that he is just attention craving, he didn’t really dropout and when he thought about it he made a big fuzz on how it made him special…</p>
<p>Leave the guy alone. Just because he’s created loads of threads doesn’t necessarily make him a ■■■■■. Maybe he’s lonely.</p>
<p>To the OP: Become your own best friend. Face a few challenges and learn to trust yourself. Try a new sport or ask out that girl you like. And count your blessings - you are already at college and sound like you have a reasonably stable family. You are better off than me.</p>
<p>I agree with this. Seek counseling NOW while you are in college and it is either free or very cheap. Please. Do not let this negativity limit the rest of your life.</p>
<p>Person after person has give the OP the advice to seek counseling, and the OP continues to ignore it while posting again and again the same kind of threads.</p>
<p>You may not be depressed, but you seem to have social skills problems and to be overly concerned about what others think about you. However, you’ve posted elsewhere on CC that you don’t plan to work on your social skills.</p>
<p>Consequently, I don’t think there’s anything that people here can do for you. You constantly post about feeling insulted, condescended to, etc. However, you don’t seem to change your behavior or perspective. You just keep posting the same kind of concerns over and over, and repeatedly getting the same replies.</p>