I love this NYTimes blog post by a mom who flew out to help her college freshman, who was suffering from mono. She moved the two of them into a hotel for a few days so she could care for her properly, then flew home. I would totally do this for my kids, too. Which makes me wonder, as I prepare to send my daughter off to a school whose health office closes in the early evening: What happens when your college freshman is really sick and there’s no overnight infirmary?
How sick?
That is the key question.
Would depend on how sick. I never flew out for bronchitis, flu or elective surgery. I might fly out for mono or something very debilitating like a really bad case of mono.
They’d have to be really sick.
But funny timing … I just got off the phone with my county. I called about getting a passport because ds is studying abroad in the fall and the program recommends that at least one parent have a current passport in case something goes wrong. I have a friend who had to fly out to Germany when her ds was hospitalized for three weeks while on a HS exchange trip so this is an unexpected expense that I think is worth it!
To answer OP’s question … there always are off-campus clinics that a student could visit. Ds went to one once in his tiny college town.
For me the lack of an overnight health facility would be the determining factor. Mono is contagious and can have serious health consequences if not managed properly. So in addition to my concern for my own child I would also consider that he/she would exposing other students to infection if he/she was left with no other alternative but to go back to the dorm.
I am wondering how many colleges do not provide overnight infirmary facilities. This seems odd as does it not substantially increase the risk of widespread illness when one student comes down with something like mono? Where should these students go?
If my child was very sick and / or indicated that he wanted me there I would do this.
As others have said, it would depend on how sick. Also, I would want to know how competent the campus doctors are in handling the situation.
I would do this if circumstances warranted.
When I was in graduate school, I wouldn’t let doctors perform a necessary non-elective surgery until my mother arrived! She did it for me, and I would (and have) done it for my child.
This is THE reason we asked our kids only to apply to schools within a three hour drive from home…or within an hour of a relative or close family friend.
DD needed surgery when in college. It was scheduled for 6:30 a.m the next morning. There was no way we could get there in time…BUT her aunt lived close by, and so did a good friend. The two of them were right there!
Depends on the sickness and the child. A kid with a chronic condition who speaks medical language fluently and can self-advocate is a different situation than a kid who has never had so much as a sprained ankle who needs abdominal surgery and needs to decide on two different types of anesthesia.
However- I would generally opt to have a family member present for any hospitalization. Too many opportunities for missed communications.
Since GMTspouse flew across the world to see our sick, dying old dog, then flying to see a sick kid is definitely in the realm of possibility.
NO.
DW is a nurse and she would be the one to go.
In this case, the kid was a freshman and very sick with mono. Ended up spending the day at the emergency room with mom. Could she have done it without mom? Of course, but probably would have waited longer to go to the hospital. But if mom has the financial means to do this and the kid was really sick, no harm in going to help. This was not a case of the sniffles or a tummy ache. I don’t think this was a case of helicoptering, but of a sick kid needing/wanting help. I think,even back in my college days, if I was really really sick my mom and dad would have come up to get me, even though it was a 6-hour drive away.
Mono? Mono whipped through our community a few years ago. Thankfully we weren’t hit but what my friends went through with their kids for months … sure, I’d fly out for mono.
If it were bad enough for a referral to an outside doctor, I’d fly out. Especially since our D didn’t turn 18 until into the second semester and our S won’t be 18 most of his first semester of college. After that, I guess it depends on if they share that info. A friend’s child was hit by a car, hospitalized and didn’t tell mom until after he was released! He is fine and obviously ready to handle it. As a parent though, I don’t know why I wouldn’t go out for anything serious… I’d go out for a friend who didn’t have another support.
Once she was diagnosed with (serious) mono, it was my daughter who flew home. And stayed. She withdrew from school for the semester, made it up over the summer. But if she were quite sick, but not enough to recover at home, yes I’d fly to see her. But probably more for my own peace of mind, and probably against her wishes!
It’s not just a question of whether the kid needs the help. The question is whether the kid needs his/her mother. I was, at 24, quite capable of handling the medical & consent issues. I was very much the independent adult (not financially, but otherwise). I didn’t need my mother’s help. I needed my mommy. Having her there made me feel better.
There are some things you just don’t want to do alone.
I would certainly go if either of my kids were that sick.
My younger son was dealing with an ongoing health issue last semester and, although his university was excellent in every possible way, I did fly down a couple times for important doctor appointments.
I flew to my daughter’s school when she had a severe case of food poisoning. I’m glad I did, as she was severely dehydrated and required IV fluids. We checked into a hotel for a few days, and she greatly appreciated the private bathroom (as well as my presence). Could she have dealt with it on her own in her dorm with the group bathroom down the hall? Perhaps, but I never would have put her through that when I had the means to help her.
I would fly/travel under two circumstances: if the student requested it (almost no questions asked, as given who the kids are, if they asked, there would be a very good reason) or if in our judgment the situation warranted it. In the second scenario, we would walk the kids through our rationale and sort out a way forward. Both our kids had medical issues prior to college that we navigated with them. They know the value added.
One kid did have mono freshman year of college, of course during finals. The health center was thorough, as was our student, who shared info, followed up as indicated while at school, completed finals and saw primary when home. This was probably a mid-range case of mono and kid was medical care savvy and responsible. A different kid or health center, or a more severe case, and one of us might have gone. If hospitalization is required, I am a big believer in having someone on-site, if possible.