We recently received a wedding invitation from my niece for her wedding this May. She is the first niece/nephew to be married so it seems like an even bigger deal to the family. I’m feeling leery about this and wonder what other people think.
A lot can happen between now and May but right now we are not vaccinated and the way the rollout is going there’s no way to predict if we will be by the time we need to accept/decline. I’d like to be there to help celebrate their special day but the risk of Covid seems real, especially with most people travelling a distance to attend. On the other hand not attending seems like a snub that could cause permanent hard feelings from them and from my sister.
So we’re torn here. What have other people done in a similar situation, or think about this?
I would not be attending. I’m not vaccinated and would be surprised if all wedding guests would be by then.
Personally, I’m confused as to why have a wedding in May. We are so close to having everyone get the vaccine (hopefully by end of summer). If I was bride and groom I’d be postponing until fall.
I would only go if vaccinated, and unless you’re a high-risk group there’s no predicting when that’ll be. Additionally, I’d personally want to be at least 2 weeks post-vaccine before travelling and would even prefer 3-4 weeks.
My wife and I would love to take a long vacation this year once we’re vaccinated, but we’re not even thinking about a date yet as everything is so unpredictable right now. I’m probably in the very last group, you know the one where you’re the last person standing at the airport boarding gate and the announcer says “Anybody that I didn’t already call can now board.” That’s my group.
My niece is also getting married this May. The wedding was postponed from last Oct to this Mar then to May. My mother and I will be there because we’ll be vaccinated. D1 & her husband may not go because they have new born. I am not sure what D2 & her SO will do if they are not vaccinated.
I wouldn’t go if I wasn’t vaccinated.
We had a very similar situation last November. Out of state wedding with many states represented. Was the first of the next generation to get married, at a very nice venue. We did not go, and yes some people were upset. We weren’t particularly happy they were having the wedding, but respected their choice. We wish others would have respected our choice gracefully. We also did not go on other significant trips that had been planned last year.
Oh yeah - definitely wouldn’t go unless it was weeks after 2nd dose of vaccine for your family.
I probably wouldn’t in May. But, I might IF:
I knew lots of people there were vaccinated, ideally including myself. But would anyone want me there if I wasn’t vaccinated?
If it was strictly outdoors, which is a big IF.
If by May, it’s clear that numbers are dramatically down.
Probably some other if’s too.
This is a niece, not an acquaintance or friend. You can’t say to your sister that you don’t want to risk giving or getting COVID? If that might offend her, too bad. Maybe I’m just a bit of a jerk though.
Frankly, they are being foolish if they are insisting on a 100% affirmative yes right now, given this crisis. Or, is it possible they are hoping some people decline the invitation? My husband, who has a large family, has nephews and nieces who have scheduled weddings during the school year. They all live overseas. We just figured that if they really wanted us to be there, they wouldn’t have scheduled the wedding when they knew our kids would have to miss a week of school. It isn’t offensive or anything. It’s just life. My hubby and I had a really small wedding and deliberately told people no kids were allowed. If someone was annoyed with that, oh well.
We went to a virtual wedding last May. It was sooooo depressing and unreal. Have seen two weddings on the beach near us. One was small and looked so beautiful and elegant. Another was a couple of huge tents and people basically having a wedding but being outdoors.
I would attend an outdoor wedding. I would not attend an indoor wedding this May. Too much risk esp with younger family members.
These kind of things are always not an issue — until they are. The chances of dying from COVID are very slim — lots of the dead thought so. May is the month for college decisions, for weddings, and for many many more funerals to come.
The current death toll in the US is 456k. Last year when I mentioned there would be 300K death, people thought I was joking. By May 1st, UW forecasts the total COVID death will reach 600k. About 150k people will die of COVID in the next 3 months, the interesting thing is: most of them don’t know it yet.
Please don’t travel until weeks after you are vaccinated. That “permanent hard feelings” from the relatives is better than bringing permanent hardships to others, if not to ourselves.
Can you send the youngest, least compromised member of your family as a tribute lol to represent? Kidding aside, I would pass and maybe be a bit more generous with the wedding gift.
I had the exact same situation in December. I decided to go to my cousin’s wedding. I told them beforehand that I would not go to the reception, since you can’t wear a mask when you eat/drink. They totally understood. I just went to the ceremony and wore a mask the whole time. I did pull my mask off for a second when we took the formal family pictures.
I would attend a socially distanced outdoor ceremony of vows that was within driving distance. I would attend nothing indoors and I would stay briefly at the outdoor reception following the vows but then leave quickly.
Many outbreaks in my area started at weddings with three older people I knew personally passing away from Covid after attending three different weddings so I’m feeling cautious about that particular activity.
By May we will know more how the vaccine is improving the severity of the illness, the death rate and maybe the transmission rate.
Nope. My daughter has put off her wedding (engaged in fall 2019) for the duration. Earliest will be 2-3 months after everyone attending (family) has been vaccinated- so we’re looking at 1Q22
If anyone gets mad at a decision not to go, then I think that person is unbelievably selfish. You need to do what you think is right for you.
Don’t forget that by the end of March they think the more transmittable and deadly UK variant will be the predominant variant here in the US.
How many weeks before the wedding do you have to RSVP? If you get the Moderna shot, you will need at LEAST 6 weeks after the first shot before you can feel comfortable with your protection. (You need 4 weeks between doses and 2 weeks after the second dose). And if you get the J&J shot, it’s efficacy isn’t as good so I’d wait until the spread slowed down before going to a social event (even distanced). BTW, I have several relatives who got Covid between the 1st and 2nd shot, and I even have one who got sick when she was exposed 3 days after the Second shot. So you really do need to wait the 2 weeks after the 2nd dose.
I’m very cautious so if it were me, I’d let them know that I’m leaning no, but will let them know for sure by the RSVP date.
As you know, the level of risk varies depending on indoor/outdoor, spacing, masking, singing, dancing (people breathing heavier with exertion), amount of time you are exposed, etc. Maybe you’d feel better if you found out some more details. And maybe you could do as someone else suggested, go to the ceremony only, as this will reduce the amount of time. But if it were me, I’d want to assess what the conditions will be at the ceremony. And even if you intend to be careful, there may very well be people who won’t respect your boundaries.
We didn’t want to put our guests in the position of deciding so we just canceled our S’s wedding reception for this coming March. The original wedding date was 3/21/20 and they got married in our yard on 8/8/20. They rescheduled the reception for 3/20/21 but recently decided things are still to risky to proceed.