<p>Sorry about “too” instead of to. My keyboards old and I really do know the proper usage of “to.” lol
Hi, I’ve been on these boards for awhile, but I haven’t posted a lot recently. I applied RD to NYU along with 6 other schools, including Fordham, Drexel, and 4 schools in NJ where I live. My parents never were too thrilled when I showed an interest in NYU, but when I visited with my mom over the summer, I fell in love, and she seemed…more accepting of my wanting to go there. However, since then, I’ve gotten into all the schools I applied to (early action or RD) except for TCNJ and NYU. As of right now, I want to be a dentist, so I have a lot of schooling ahead of me as it is. However, my parents had a ‘talk’ with me about how they really aren’t too thrilled about me going to school in the city, and while they can’t force me, I should go to Rutgers or TCNJ. And, after I hear from TCNJ (which I hear is usually mid January or February) they want me to make a decision, regardless if I’ve heard from NYU. I understand where they are coming from. My mom keeps saying if I’m sick she can easily drive somewhere in NJ, but she won’t drive to New York. NYU is the school I loved and felt like I could be at more then any others. I really don’t know what to do. I know I’d be fine at another school, so I feel like maybe I’m being selfish. Money isn’t the problem, because my parents can’t afford my education anywhere, so they’ve said if I want all those loans, it’s my problem. I’m sorry this is so long, so thank you if you read it. Does anyone have any suggestions or are/were in a similar situation?</p>
<p>theresaax2,</p>
<p>I remember you and I feel for your plight. It is unfortunate that NYU is so expensive and so limited in its giving to students, even those in need. While you will ultimately decide for yourself (I hope), I think you should really consider the burden of carrying a lot of debt if, in fact, NYU will not provide much aid (either merit or need-based) to you. </p>
<p>I know hellodocks has described making it on her own without any family assistance and she is a very goal-directed and successful student (in managing her studies and finances), but she is also a STERN student. Stern students seem to be able to graduate with their bachelors in business and do very well, especially if they get into one of the top financial companies, many of which are right in NYC. </p>
<p>So the point is, some students do make it with loans (but also try to get grants outside or work many hours). Also, the school and field you are in makes a lot of difference. You are looking at quite a few more years in dental school after getting your bachelors. </p>
<p>I know it is hard to turn down the idea of a dream school if you get in. However, as an adult with many years behind me, I have to consider the pragmatics on your behalf. </p>
<p>Rutgers is an excellent state university and you will get a quality education there. NO DOUBT IN MY MIND. Would you be open to attending NYU for its really fine dentistry school and then paying handsomely for the professional degree which will then pay itself off much more quickly once you become a “real wage-earner” as a dentist?</p>
<p>Just my thoughts. I wish you well in your final decision and I hope your parents will support you emotionally, if not financially (because of their circumstances). The flip side of this, of course, is how strong your own desire is to attend your dream school and to sacrifice by saving, doing with less and working more to pay off the inevitable debt (if no substantial aid is forthcoming from NYU).</p>
<p>Thank you so much Evolving. I know I won’t get any substantial merit aid and I don’t feel too confident in getting enough financial aid to not be taking out loans, much more then at any other school (besides Fordham, but I never visited Fordham and my parents feel the same about it as NYU). You gave me more to consider, and I’m glad for it. I’m <em>hoping</em> TCNJ doesn’t inform me for awhile and if it is February I can convince my parents to let me wait for NYU. My mom literally just said after I told her about an email from Fordham I got about their accepted students day, “I thought we decided against New York schools.” Though I am sure she did say it’s your decision we can’t force you. Is there any magical fairies that can just tell me if my dream school is worth it? A definitive answer, or whether its a waste of time. Oh and hey, if NYU even decides to accept me. But once again, thanks evolving, it’s good to have an experienced opinion that’s objective to the situation.</p>
<p>As a parent it seems to me mom is putting a guilt trip on you. If they were paying the bill I think they should have a small voice in your choice. But since you are on your own, I don’t think they deserve to have any impact on your decision. I can’t believe she said, “I thought we ruled out New York”. It’s not her decision.</p>
<p>That being said, I would be concerned about taking on the debt. However, if I remember right you can get into NYU’s dental program right away. If you can get that guarantee it might be worth it.</p>
<p>Don’t let anyone’s opinion but your own make up your mind. A parent should never guilt a kid into doing what they want them to do. If you stay strong and do what you want then you will send a very important statement to your parents you can’t be controled. </p>
<p>BE STRONG and make sure the decision you make is YOUR decision and not anyone else’s.</p>
<p>Thank you volleyballdad. The thing is, I would be predentistry instead of in NYU’s b.s./d.d.s. program, because I might have not gotten into that program. (That being said, I wouldn’t’ve gotten into Rutgers accelerated program with UMDNJ, because you need a miniumum 1400 SAT score, and sadly mines only a 1350. Another disadvantage I have in the way of scholarships and such.) I feel like, in a way, my mom feels she has a right to control me, since, while she can’t give me college, she’s giving me life and a house and food and everything for the past 18 years. Thanks for the imput, I guess its just time to hope TCNJ doesn’t tell me before NYU. I don’t want to cause a huge fight in my family. Maybe I can convince them that since my brother goes to school in New York city, it’s not fair. My mom just says I’m a girl and the youngest so it’s different for me though.</p>
<p>Wow, that is even more sad. Every child should be given the same opportunity no matter what gender. I am also the youngest and that is an issue with your parents. My parents didn’t want me to leave either, but I did anyway. My dad said after I graduated that he was wrong. He was proud of me to stand up for myself. Your parents gave you life, but now as a young adult you need to do what is best for you. I’m not saying NYU is best for you, I’m saying YOU have the sole right to decide what is best for you. Keep all doors open and then make a logical decision when you have all options in front of you. Again, be strong and true to yourself. If the decision isn’t yours, you will resent your parents and even yourself someday. Just sit back and listen, but the decision should be yours and your parents should support whatever that decision is. My son is in New York 3000 miles away and loving life. Best decision he ever made and believe me it was sad to see him go, but awesome to see how happy and satisfied he is.</p>
<p>Wait, since when have I been a girl?</p>
<p>Look. I was exactly in your shoes two years ago, except I had a guarantee that I would <em>not</em> be receiving a single cent from my parents. Even then, they (my mother particularly) had express preferences for where I’d attend school. In my mind, that’s a bit of audacity, attempting to predicate how and where your child experiences college without being willing to contribute at all.</p>
<p>In the end, it boils down to how strongly you feel. It sounds to me like you’ve already realized the best decision, you’re simply still coming to grips with ‘defying’ your parents or shouldering potential six-figure debt for school.</p>
<p>Which school in NYU are you looking at? Your earning potential out of school is going to vary based on what degree you leave with. In my case, I considered it a fair tradeoff because I recognized how high the starting salaries out of school are in my industry, and I chased it.</p>
<p>Don’t let your parents pressure you into a decision you aren’t comfortable with. If you end up going to another school you feel your settling for, you definitely won’t be as happy nor likely as productive. I’m not sure about your mother’s logic about illness anyway, who says she has to even drive into the city? If you live in Jersey, the train is both the cheaper and quicker option for getting into the city (tolls for the tunnels alone are more than the train fare, let alone gas (not too bad) and parking (absurd) once she’s there). </p>
<p>If you have more questions specific to NYU, go ahead and let me know. I’ll be more than happy to share anything I can with you.</p>
<p>hellodocks,</p>
<p>I am not sure why I thought you were a gal, maybe your screen name? I really am not sure, now that you have corrected me. Sheesh, here I thought you had to fight extra hard, being a female in a “male-dominated” field. Well, in any case, you are still a very successful, dedicated, and goal-directed student and person. Truly an inspiration for others. Kudos to you.</p>
<p>It takes balls. ;-)</p>
<p>And thank you, that’s very kind of you to say.</p>
<p>Haha,</p>
<p>You’re welcome… Keep on doing what you are doing. Whatever it is, it is a winning formula. Plus, you even have time to share your wisdom for others’ benefit here. :)</p>
<p>Haha thanks Hellodocks, I applied to CAS and I want to be a dentist (specifically pediatric), so I chose chemistry but I am not exactly sure what I want my major to be. That being said, I’ll decide closer to when I have to choose a dental school where to go. So, while I will make a lot of money to be okay with paying it off eventually, I’ll still have a lot of years after my bachelor’s degree, adding to it. Did you have difficulty picking the school you wanted when it wasn’t what your parents wanted? How long was it before they got over it? lol</p>
<p>Nope. I chose what I felt was best, my mom was sour for the summer, but she got over it and actually our relationship became the best it ever was as I moved away. My father began to compliment me, saying he was proud of me for being self-reliant and taking care of myself in school and in the city as well as I was. That meant a lot to me. He began to speak to me more man-to-man than man-to-child, and there’s a lot of mutual respect now instead of tension. Now that I broke onto the Street as a sophomore I know he’s incredibly proud of where I’ve gotten, and my mom, though she came to grips with where I ended up going to school awhile ago, is now finally coming around with what I’ve chosen to do and where/how I live my life.</p>
<p>Sorry this took me awhile, but I feel like I have to reply. Thank you so much Hellodocks. Whatever I decide, I’ll try to do what’s best for me, and hope I end up as successful snd happy as you!</p>
<p>No problem. I’m glad you found it helpful. A bit more advice: no one expects you to know exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life. The wise counsellor simply suggests what someone with the same talents <em>could</em> do, and offers a roadmap for some of the best ways to achieving those ends.</p>
<p>It’s wonderful that you’ve identified a solid career interest so early, we’re in the same boat in that we had the opportunity to establish definite plans from a fairly young age while many of our peers leave for school uncertain, or even worse, basking in some false impressions or misguided ideas. That being said, you need to create for yourself a safety net. If you don’t, and you do (God forbid) end up encountering such a world-altering realization that x-and-such career or path is not for you, if you did not leave yourself sufficient exit opportunities you’ll find yourself in an extraordinarily uncomfortable position for a long time.</p>
<p>In my mind, all that prose translates to something simple. You need college to give you the best education applicable in as many ways as possible. That extends beyond the classroom. The network you can develop in school will be the strongest you ever enjoy and serve as a springboard for greater things. While your coursework and degree/program of study will help you with a specific vocation, the name brand of your institution as well as the names of the people swinging for you is, though more subjective, probably more important. Sadly, this is true all throughout life, substantiating the old adage “It’s not so much what you know as who you know.”</p>
<p>In short, sometimes it’s worth taking risks to give yourself better chances. If you go to a lesser-name school and thereby ‘settle,’ not only do you run the very real risk of creating some serious resentment (and with it unhappiness, non-productivity, and other things mitigating your success) but also limiting your lifelong opportunities.</p>
<p>I really recommend you explain to your parents how strongly you feel. It is your decision, it will be your money, it is not something they should be forcing conditions on. At the very least, wait until all the cards are on the table and get your decision from NYU. If they end up accepting you and offering you a generous or at least reasonable aid package and you ended up committing and depositing to another school, how awful would that be? Play your options until the very end.</p>
<p>What everyone leaves below the table is “How much will you have to borrow t go to NYU”? It you will be over 100K in loans/debt you might want to rethink alower cost school. Monthly payments on excessive school loans can kill you. With the economy going the way it is we cannot be assured of landing a huge paying job.</p>
<p>I’m a student at NYU currently…</p>
<p>If your planning on going to graduate school, save the debt for then. Go to a less expensive college for undergrad, kick butt and make friends, then take on serious debt for grad. </p>
<p>One thing I feel a lot of students forget is that not only is tuition a lot at NYU, but living in manhattan is as well. Anyone on a normal college budget will (as I am) have a tough time having fun and going out.</p>