Would you guys grade my essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

I was practicing for SAT and I wasn’t sure about the points earned for my essay, would you guys grade mine out of 12 please?
My essay prompt was, “Should we wait for good things to come, or is destiny not something we can wait for?”
When we walk through our life, our destiny isn’t something that we have to wait for. Good things to reach our dream can be depicted as hide and see. We have to search them in everywhere possible, such as every small corner of the streets. In order to reach the goal we want, we have to be thirsty for good things to earn what we want as our destinies.
Just a few years ago, L.E.D blue-ray light was not a possible invention to be came out to the world. However, one of the most eminent scientists in Japan, professor Akasaki, had craved his way to the goal to renovate a brighter light because of his dimmed childhood that he suffered because of light. While he was trying to solve the problem, innumerable co-workers left. Because of their parochial minds that inventing brighter light is not possible at all, they stopped to build their ways to their goals. However, for professor Akasaki, it was nothing but challenge. It was a something that made him to become a scientist for his career. He craved a way to reach a renovation and he was draining all the possible solutions to invent a brighter light. About a year ago, he finally succeeded to invent L.E.D blue ray light that is much brighter and longer lifespan. He was able to achieve Nobel Prize, which he claimed to be destiny due to the long lasting passion in his mind.
For me, I adopted a 10,000 hour theory from the book written by Malcolm Gladwell. The author stated that there is nothing we can’t do, but we just have to work really hard to earn what you want. In 10,000 hour theory, if you work specific thing for over 10,000 hours, you will be an expert on that. Since then, I planned my future world and get into the college in New York in order to process my future world. I studied more than 10 hours a day for about two and a half years. I almost reached my goal, in terms of 10,000 hour theory, and I craved my ways and thirsted for my own future in terms of my own meaning of happiness.

P.S.: I am not really good at English because it is my second language, and would you guys please give little comments to improve my essays next to the score? Thank you

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I think your first example, the one with the Japanese inventor, was effective. You need to stay specific in your second example. What are you doing for 10,000 hours? What would happen if you just waited- why would that not work?

You have quite a few grammar issues. I would practice the SAT essay often, just like you are, and keep getting feedback until you have secured proper sentences that you know will work. For example, you are misusing “craved”. One doesn’t “crave his way” to a goal. Perhaps you could write that he “worked sedulously towards his goal”.

Keep up the hard work!

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Thank You so much for the comment
It helped me alot!!