Would you let this man coach your daughter?

[UCSDJake12]

<p>

Congratulations on being selected for Team 7 (forest-green shirts) of the Scituate Soccer Club! My name is Michael, and I have been fortunate enough to be selected to coach what I know will be a wonderful group of young ladies.</p>

<p>Okay, here’s the real deal: Team 7 will be called Green Death. We will only acknowledge “Team 7” for scheduling and disciplinary purposes. Green Death is not a team but a family (some say cult) that you belong to forever. We play fair at all times, but we play tough and physical soccer. We have some returning players who know the deal; for the others, I only expect 110 percent at every game and practice. We do not cater to superstars but prefer the gritty determination of journeymen who bring their lunch pail to work every week, chase every ball, and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull.</p>

<p>Some say soccer at this age is about fun, and I completely agree. I believe, however, that winning is fun and losing is for losers. Ergo, we will strive for the W in each game. Although we may not win every game (excuse me, I just got a little nauseous), I expect us to fight for every loose ball and play every shift as if it were the finals of the World Cup. As I spent a good Saturday morning listening to the legal-liability BS, which included a thirty-minute dissertation on how we need to baby the kids and especially the refs, I was disgusted. The kids will run, they will fall, get bumps and bruises, even bleed a little. Big deal; it’s good for them (but I do hope the other team is the one bleeding). If the refs can’t handle a little criticism, then they should turn in their whistles. My heckling of the refs actually helps them develop as people. The political-correctness police are not welcome on my sidelines. America’s youth are becoming fat, lazy, and noncompetitive because competition is viewed as “bad.” I argue that competition is crucial to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world. Second-place trophies are nothing to be proud of. They serve only as a reminder that you missed your goal; their only purpose is as an inspiration to do that next set of reps. Don’t animals eat what they kill? (And yes, someone actually kills the meat we eat—it isn’t grown in plastic wrap.) And speaking of meat, I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat, and lots of veggies. No junk food. Protein shakes are encouraged, and while blood doping and HGH use is frowned upon, there is no testing policy. And at the risk of stating the obvious, blue slushies are for winners.</p>

<p>These are my views and not necessarily the views of the league (but they should be). I recognize that my school of thought may be an ideological shift from conventional norms. But it is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now, and resist the urge to become sweatxedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in L.L. Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-accinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks. I want to hear cheering, I want to hear encouragement, I want to get the team pumped up and know they are playing for something.</p>

<p>We are all cognizant of the soft bigotry that expects women, and especially little girls, to be dainty and submissive; I wholeheartedly reject such drivel. My overarching goal is to develop ladies who are confident and fearless, who will stand up for their beliefs and challenge the status quo. Girls who will kick ass and take names on the field, off the field, and throughout their lives. I want these girls to be winners in the game of life. Who’s with me?</p>

<p>Go Green Death!

</p>

<p>

[Editor’s Note:] From a March email by Michael Kinahan, coach of a soccer team for girls aged seven and under in Scituate, Massachusetts, to the children’s parents. After parents complained to league officials, Kinahan resigned, saying in his resignation letter that the email was meant to be “a satire of those who take youth sports too seriously for the wrong reasons.” The email was obtained by the Patriot Ledger.

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<p>Clearly a joke, but I was thinking the style would appeal to some of the hyper-competitive parents around here.</p>

[swimcatsmom]

<p>He was the coach for a 7 and under team? Yea a little OTT even if it was a satire! I don’t think I would have been very amused to be honest and I am amused by satire. Time and place matters though.</p>

<p>I remember the young very talented soccer player who attempted to coach the soccer team my daughter was on at about 5 years old. “there’s no hugging (your opponents) in soccer!”, “there’s no picking daisies during a soccer match!”. Poor guy was such a sweetheart and so bewildered by 5 year old girls. I would have loved him to coach my son’s team.</p>

[alwaysamom]

<p>I’ve known soccer coaches who could have written that letter, and not to have meant it in a satirical way. If it truly was meant to be a joke, I think Michael Kinahan needs a couple of lessons in satire.</p>

[ellemenope]

<p>Mr. Kinahan needs to know how to make a CC smiley face…</p>

[Naturally]

<p>Frankly, he sounds like a lunatic.</p>

[CBBBlinker]

<p>In answer to OP’s title question: NO. (Wouldn’t let him coach my S, either.) Agree he needs lessons in satire.</p>

[thumper1]

<p>Glad it’s a “joke”. Sadly, I’ve known kids sports coaches who really run their teams in this manner.</p>

<p>And to answe the question of the thread…NO I would not allow my child to have this person as a coach.</p>

[owlice]

<p>No, I wouldn’t, and not just because the man used “nauseous” where he wanted “nauseated” (though the effect achieved is a bit amusing, when one thinks about it :D). He needs lessons in more than just satire!</p>

[lkf725]

<p>Well, just to play devil’s advocate for a second, the “satirical letter” does advocate some things that we probably all want for our daughters: strength of body, strength of character and commitment. In addition, it asks for parents to be enthusiastic, attentive and involved in their children’s activities which is always a good thing. Sure, this letter is clearly over the top, but read between the lines. Over the many years of student sports, I personally have had quite enough of anemic, inadequate coaches, whiney kids with a sense of entitlement, and latte-drinking parents who can only pull themselves away from gossiping long enough to berate the coaches for some imagined slight to their kid. Ugh. I can comfortably say these things because my kids have also had some awesome coaches who were fair and spent lots of time to bring out the best in each child. Lessons (of all kinds) learned in sports are highly underrated.</p>