<p>“I’m not sure that I equate having a different set of rules from a friend’s family - whatever the particulars - gives the child an excuse to lie.”</p>
<p>Whoa. I never said that the kids were justified in lying to their parents. This is the scenario I’m thinking of:</p>
<p>You’re 12. All your friends – every single one of them – have seen “Pirates of the Caribbean.” It’s all they talk about at school. It’s rated PG-13. Your mother won’t let you see it. </p>
<p>Finally, it comes out on DVD. You’re still 12. You’re at a friend’s house. A bunch of you are there. It gets popped into the DVD. How many kids are going to stand up and leave because of their parents’ rule? But you know if you go home and tell mom what you watched, she’s going to be really angry. Maybe even ground you. </p>
<p>Most kids – heck, most adults – are not going to tell the truth in that situation. So when mom asks what you did, you’ll say you played Scrabble or Guitar Hero or whatever. And that’s lying. And that lie results from a parent with an inflexible rule that the kid sees as being irrational. I don’t think lying is right. But I can understand how it evolved from the situation.</p>
<p>As a parent, I try to be flexible. I would say my strictest rules were those dealing with how we treat people (as in, it is never acceptable to bully someone). But on most things, I am willing to listen to reason. I think as parents we can lose respect with our kids if we never allow them to present their point of view and let them persuade us they are right. </p>
<p>It’s most important to know your own kid, and to make sure your kid knows their own limits. PG-13 means “parental guidance suggested.” It doesn’t mean “no 12 year old should see this.” R means “restricted to people over 17 unless accompanied by an adult.” Not “no 16 year old should see this.” </p>
<p>Also – other countries have ratings systems different from ours. England has ratings with cut-offs of 12, 15 and 18. Denmark is 7, 11 and 15. I assume that an R movie in the US could be watched by a 15 year old in Denmark.</p>
<p>To call parents who follow R and PG-13 guidelines “irrational” is ridiculous. It is the parents who invite under-age guests into their homes to engage in age-inappropriate activity without their parents’ permission, who are more accurately labeled “irrational.” If other parents would at least respect the ratings as a guideline, then 12-years would not be put in the awkward positions of feeling like a dork, or feeling compelled to lie.</p>
<p>Let’s rephrase the question, would you let your really young child see an R rated movie in the movie theater, not necessarily and at home and not necessarily older movies and do previews for movies sway your decision of whether or not to bring your young child. If previews do sway your decision to bring your child, would you be more comfortable bringing him or her to one that is perceived more violent or more sexual in nature?</p>
<p>Kids think a lot of what their parents do and say is irrational. (Read my sentence: I said the kid thinks the rule is irrational.) And what Bay is suggesting, that every parent in the US should respect the ratings as a guideline, is never going to happen. Why should I prevent my kid from seeing a movie that I think is perfectly fine just because her friend’s parent won’t let her see it? I think the ratings are often absurd, and I can’t rely on them. (A movie that shows this is called “This film is not yet rated.”)</p>
<p>As for popcornboy’s question: No, I probably would not let a really young child (under the age of 10) see an R-rated movie – but honestly, it depends on the movie and why it is rated R. I never depend on previews to determine whether I am going to see a movie, I depend on reviews. When I had a younger kid, I turned to several Internet sites to help me determine whether she could go to a PG-13 or R movie. Gratuitous violence bothers me a lot more than sex. Another reason movies get rated R is for language. I personally dislike hearing constant profanity (one reason I couldn’t watch more than 10 minutes of the Sopranos), but if that is the only thing wrong with the movie, I’m not sure I would have censored it.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t take a really young child to see an R-rated film in a theater under any circumstances, and I wouldn’t let a really young child see R-rated films at home, either. </p>
<p>Other than that, things get squishy, especially for home viewing which is far less intense than the theater experience. When my kids were a lot younger, I’d ask parents if they had any restrictions on what their kids could watch, but I wouldn’t even consider asking the parents of 11 or 12 year olds if they are allowed to see Pirates of the Caribbean–it wouldn’t occur to me that it would be a problem. Ditto for a bunch of 15 year olds who are going to watch Blazing Saddles. Hard for me to make cut-and-dried rulings about all PG/PG-13/R films in one go, which is why the ratings are considered guidelines, not absolutes. As others have said, there are PG-13’s I find far more disturbing than some R’s.</p>
<p>Fireandrain, I don’t think it would be rated R because there was really no blood shed. But I agree, it was pretty violent despite the lack of blood.</p>
<p>seriously, stop censoring your kids. They’re gonna see R rated things in their adolesence whether you like it or not. I know it’s hard to believe, but crazy things like seeing movies aren’t going to affect your child too much in the long run.</p>
<p>See now, that’s why I think the ratings are seriously wrong. No blood shed in Dark Knight, so it rates a PG-13, but people are shot at point-blank range, maimed, burned, bombed, killed and psychologically tormented, and that’s OK? Dark Knight, and movies like that, are extremely violent - and that’s fine, I’m not saying there can’t be violent movies, but give them the rating they deserve. I think it’s a lot more disturbing to see a violent movie like that than an R-rated one that has one too many curse words.</p>
<p>“seriously, stop censoring your kids. They’re gonna see R rated things in their adolesence whether you like it or not. I know it’s hard to believe, but crazy things like seeing movies aren’t going to affect your child too much in the long run.”</p>
<p>One difference between parents and their kids is in the ability to take a longer view. It’s true that one greasy hamburger will not harm your health too much, a constant diet of them is a different story. That’s why it makes sense to censor your kids’ entertainment intake, even if you know that they are occasionally getting a dose of forbidden stuff at their friends’ houses. Your overall mental “diet” affects the way you think, and that’s what I’m concerned about.</p>
<p>That’s completely understandable, Hunt. I just can’t stand parents who are outraged at the world when their 10 year old learned a new curse word.</p>
<p>Also, in school(i’m a senior) they sometimes have our parents sign a waiver to state we can watch a certain R rated film. However, every movie there are always a few kids who can’t watch because their parents are overprotective. At the age of 17, there is PLENTY of R rated things in my life and a movie hardly adds to that. What are these kids gonna do when they go to college. They’ll let loose and go crazy with freedom.</p>
<p>I basically agree with you–balance is needed. I think parents applying the strictest censorship are likely fooling themselves, but I also think those that are too permissive are underestimating the impact of a bad “diet.”</p>
<p>Here’s my take on some of you parents that are allowing “M-rated” games and movies…Do you really think it’s helping your kid’s popularity to invite other underage kids over to play or watch? You know there are quite a few of us that try our best to monitor, and our kids are the first ones over at your house to partake, unknowingly to us. And, no, that doesn’t make me want to throw in the towel on this issue.</p>
<p>And to the OP, an employee at a movie theater, does your theater allow allow underage kids to see R-rated movies when not accompanied by a parent? Ours doesn’t seem to care, starting at about age 15.</p>
<p>I have fairly strict rules, but I do not think I am “fooling” myself at all. To the contrary, I know that my kids receive a steady stream of negative messages, sex, violence and profanity from network TV, advertising, music and school yard interaction. I know I cannot control it all, so if I can make a small impact by limiting what they see on the big screen, I feel I have done something beneficial.</p>
<p>phishfan0969, agreed. We have slowly given our D more freedom as time went by in HS, allowing her the ability to make decisions for herself in anticipation that ,yes, one day she will be in college and we don’t want her to be faced with a lot of things that she was never exposed to. Even things that we were a little hesitant about. In my experience with my own friends is that the more you withhold from kids, the more rebellious and devious they become, because you are right, they are going to do things that their parent is not going to approve of anyway. Bottom line, we cannot control everything and we have to let go. I worry about my friends’ kids as they head off to college because they are going to go wild. They were never given the opportunity to try things within the controls of the parents when they were home.</p>
<p>I understand that letting children watch rated R movies is iffy for middleschoolers and older, and there is the issue of the values that are presented in the R rated movie, but wouldn’t most of you agree that really young children, (under 10) are mostly not likely to be mature or even know how to handle viewing such content, such as fowl language, bloody violence, sex, even if it is only a few instances. R does mean restricted which means that the MPAA feels that it is not appropriate for all viewing audiences, which must mean that there is a minimum age where children should simply not view it. Those of you who say it depends on the film, is there any age that you feel a child should not view an R rated movie at all? I am not saying that people under 17 can’t see Rs and people under 13 can’t see PG-13s but surely you agree that most R rated movies contain content that should no be viewed before a certain age, say 9. It was unheard of for my mother to let me watch an R rated movie before 12 or 13 and I turned out fine. I think.=)</p>
<p>If this is an accurate conclusion, so what if students who were restricted from watching R movies before age 17, “go wild” and watch them in college? I doubt anyone has a problem with that.</p>
<p>Within days of turning 17, my son went to the library and checked out the maxium # of R-rated DVD’s allowed. I let him know I was disappointed in his actions, but I’m happy to report that I’ve only seen one or two R-rated movies since that day. And the night he came back telling me how disgusting an R-rated movie in the theater had been, I was actually thrilled.</p>