Would you let your kids watch R rated movies?

Hanna · August 21, 2008, 12:11pm

I agree that the rating matters a lot less than the context.

We watched a lot of PBS in my house when I was a kid. The Jeremy Brett “Sherlock Holmes” series was a family favorite, despite occasional gory/scary depictions of crime. “A Room with a View” has full frontal male nudity, but it’s also a beautiful, and very sweet and innocent, story. I think these high-quality shows may be quite appropriate for a 7 or 8 year old, even though they are rated R.

Now, the commercials on Saturday morning TV? I honestly think that those were bad for me, and I shouldn’t have been allowed to watch them. I didn’t need any more prompting to want junk food and crappy toys.

Hunt · August 21, 2008, 12:26pm

“wouldn’t most of you agree that really young children, (under 10) are mostly not likely to be mature or even know how to handle viewing such content, such as fowl language, bloody violence, sex, even if it is only a few instances.”

There was a lot of fowl language in “Chicken Run.” Sorry, I’m sorry.

milkandsugar · August 21, 2008, 1:08pm

“Bottom line, we cannot control everything and we have to let go. I worry about my friends’ kids as they head off to college because they are going to go wild. They were never given the opportunity to try things within the controls of the parents when they were home.”

“If this is an accurate conclusion, so what if students who were restricted from watching R movies before age 17, “go wild” and watch them in college? I doubt anyone has a problem with that.”

It’s not the movies that one worries about when their kids are going wild at school. That’s the least of problems of kids that have been micromanaged.

jessiehl · August 21, 2008, 2:03pm

No, it means that the MPAA feels that children should only see it if accompanied by a parent. “Children should simply not view it” is what we have NC-17 for.

And a lot of the ratings are jokes anyway. The Dark Knight (which I loved, by the way) was PG-13 but Rain Man was R? Give me a break. What a farce. And then well-meaning parents don’t let their kids see something like Schindler’s List because they put faith in this system.

I’m really puzzled by any parent that would be “disappointed” with the actions of a 17 year-old who rented any R-rated movies. Do you think that those ratings are some sort of gospel?

I don’t think that parents should let their kids see all possible movies at all ages. I just don’t like it when we rely on often-arbitrary labels in place of good judgment.

Bay · August 21, 2008, 2:15pm

That is not correct. R means children are not allowed to view it. Look up the MPAA definitions.

But relying on the labels would lead to erring on the side of protecting the minor. Not relying on the labels could cause one to err on the side of inappropriateness.

phishfan0969 · August 21, 2008, 2:18pm

“Within days of turning 17, my son went to the library and checked out the maxium # of R-rated DVD’s allowed. I let him know I was disappointed in his actions, but I’m happy to report that I’ve only seen one or two R-rated movies since that day. And the night he came back telling me how disgusting an R-rated movie in the theater had been, I was actually thrilled.”

Oh, god. If you don’t allow your kids to watch R movies at 17, how do you think they are going to handle drinking? Obviously it’s going to happen, and if they think you are dissapointed about a rated R movie, how would they ever tell you if they were drinking? One year before you child becomes an adult, you should be letting him make his own decisions or he will never be able to confide in you about taboo topics like sex, drugs, and drinking?

Personally, I can tell my mom about these things in my life. She knows I’m going to college and, while she doesn’t condone me drinking all the time, she knows I will drink occasionally. This has actually made our relationship stronger because I can tell her about a party I went to and she doesn’t have to punish me for sneaking around behind her back.

ignatius · August 21, 2008, 2:33pm

I have two students in college now - senior and sophomore. Guess what - neither went wild when they hit campus. But then again, I didn’t think either one would. Yes - I restricted movies, and once joked with my d about the fact that she would be able to go on a NR -17 (forget that piddly R rating and go for the “real” stuff) movie fest once she hit college. By the time college started, any movie restrictions we had at home were really a non-issue. Instead I found that my young adults (yes adults) had absorbed many of the values instilled at home. The kids that went wild at college seemed to be the same ones that tilted that way before they left home.

Baelor · August 21, 2008, 2:44pm

Phish, I don’t think you understand why some parents don’t allow their children to watch R-rated movies (that being a term that encompasses all unwholesome movies, for the purpose of simplicity). Do all parents who censor what their kids watch think that the adolescents will never go behind their backs and break the rules? Not necessarily. Just because the teens WILL (read:might) do something doesn’t mean that the parents have to allow it in their own house. Their house, their rules. Please don’t assume all “strict” parents are delusional and completely ignorant. It’s not true.

“If you don’t allow your kids to watch R movies at 17, how do you think they are going to handle drinking?”

Relation please? I find the connection iffy at best. The parents have a right to establish rules for their children WHO ARE MINORS.

“Obviously it’s going to happen, and if they think you are dissapointed about a rated R movie, how would they ever tell you if they were drinking?”

I don’t watch many R-rated movies because I’m not allowed. I’m almost positive that I won’t drink in college. There’s always a small chance, but my personal beliefs and attitudes toward alcohol are completely my own. How about not making sweeping judgments about what college students WILL or WILL NOT do, yes?

“One year before you child becomes an adult, you should be letting him make his own decisions or he will never be able to confide in you about taboo topics like sex, drugs, and drinking?”

Uhm, no. The parents should be doing what is best for their child, which may be allowing them to make adult decisions or, at the opposite extreme, not allowing them to do so. It all depends on the child in particular. They should be equipping their child with the tools needed to cope in college and in life. Whatever way works best. I could be off partying and getting drunk every weekend, but I don’t. I mean, I really could. But my parents managed to instill in me values that are not conducive to that behavior.

“She knows I’m going to college and, while she doesn’t condone me drinking all the time, she knows I will drink occasionally.”

That’s great! I’m glad that that works for your mother and you. Does that mean it will work for every family? No.

“This has actually made our relationship stronger because I can tell her about a party I went to and she doesn’t have to punish me for sneaking around behind her back.”

Okay, but that’s because your mother doesn’t have a problem with underage drinking. What about all the parents that do? I don’t see a problem with wanting to avoid breaking the law. It almost seems as if you are telling everyone what the correct opinion to have on this issue is…

SlitheyTove · August 21, 2008, 2:57pm

From the mpaa.org website:

SlitheyTove · August 21, 2008, 3:09pm

Back to the OP’s question about at what age would we draw a line in the sand for no R movies whatsoever, no way nohow…I’m thinking 8 or 9 here, using my Billy Elliott on DVD at home yardstick. Billy Elliott in the theater, I’d say 11? 12? 13? Depends on the kid. That’s for a pretty gentle R (language, some roughing up, a difficult theme), so those are the lowest possible ages. In reality, most R movies are going to be harsher, and the minimum age would go way up. There are some films that I don’t think should be seen by anyone :)

mathmom · August 21, 2008, 3:10pm

I watch *The Life of Brian *with my kids by mistake not realizing it was an R and not having ever seen it before myself. At least one of them if not both was in elementary school at the time. It certainly didn’t hurt them, but I don’t think they ever heard the F word so many times in a row before or since!

phishfan0969 · August 21, 2008, 4:09pm

Oh, my bad Baelor. I forgot I was on CC and people tend to be sober sallys.
As for the correlation between drinking and watching R rated movies, you’re correct, i didn’t make that clear enough. I meant those whose parents scold them for watching R rated movies would have a very tough time talking about other, more serious topics.

I wasn’t saying everyone in college drinks, but for the vast majority that do, it makes sense to be open to their parents about it.

You said, “They should be equipping their child with the tools needed to cope in college and in life.”

This is exactly my point. I was commenting on a previous statement saying they got upset when their 17 year old brought home R rated movies. How is that equipping their child for life? I was saying that instead of hiding their child from the big, scary world, this person should be showing their child the realities of college. And the reality is that most kids drink in college.

Was I talking about your family? No. Don’t put words into my mouth, please.

Baelor · August 21, 2008, 4:24pm

“I meant those whose parents scold them for watching R rated movies would have a very tough time talking about other, more serious topics.”

Again, not true at all. There are some parents who are strict and would hit the roof if their children ever did anything wrong. There are others who are strict but would be disappointed yet try to help the kid if they ever did something wrong. I know both types.

“This is exactly my point. I was commenting on a previous statement saying they got upset when their 17 year old brought home R rated movies. How is that equipping their child for life?”

Sharing their values, perhaps? Showing the kids that there are definite boundaries? Demonstrating what the parents think their child should do when he ultimately becomes a parent?

“I was saying that instead of hiding their child from the big, scary world, this person should be showing their child the realities of college. And the reality is that most kids drink in college.”

The parents should be sharing their values with the child. If their values are that the kid should be swimming in booze, that’s their choice. If their values dictate sobriety, that’s again their prerogative. “Preparation for life” comes with a foundation, and the parents set it. Whether the kids knock it down or not is irrelevant. Not letting their kids watch R-rated movies is NOT sheltering them from the big scary world. If a parent made their kid do all the chores they would in college but didn’t let them watch R-rated movies, would the kid still be pathetically sheltered? I don’t think so, and I think people who do really need their priorities straightened out.

I know kids who are allowed to do very little. They’re not ignorant, or incapable of making decisions. They know what others do. They know how life works. That doesn’t mean they have to engage in every aspect of it.

The parents have a right (and a duty) to uphold the values they want in their home. If they don’t think underage drinking is okay, why would they let their child drink in their own home? Similarly, if they don’t think that adultery and gratuitous and promiscuous sex is okay, why would they let their child watch Unfaithful in their own home? The parents shouldn’t have to sacrifice their own principles in order to cater to the potential (and uncertain) lifestyle choices of their offspring.

milkandsugar · August 21, 2008, 5:30pm

OMG, lighten up. Reality is, Not everyone is like the Baelor family. What you do in your household suits your family and your values. Plenty of teens do fine regardless of how they were parented. 
Many very good kids from very good families make bad decisions, is that a reflection on the family? Not really. Sh_t happens all the time. There are no guarantees how our kids turn out. We equip them with what we feel they need to have and then we have to let them go. We allowed our daughter certain privileges that other parents might raise an eyebrow, but we never imposed our beliefs on another person. 
Phish is just giving you a perspective from a teen’s point of view. Ouch!!!

Baelor · August 21, 2008, 5:33pm

MandS, is that post directed toward me? If not, I agree completely. If so:

“OMG, lighten up. Reality is, Not everyone is like the Baelor family. What you do in your household suits your family and your values. Plenty of teens do fine regardless of how they were parented.”

Wait, did you even read my post at all? That’s EXACTLY what I’m advocating.

“Many very good kids from very good families make bad decisions, is that a reflection on the family? Not really. There are no guarantees how our kids turn out. We equip them with what we feel they need to have and we have to let them go. IIWII.”

Again, EXACTLY what I’m saying.

Bay · August 21, 2008, 5:39pm

Baelor, I appreciated your thoughtful post #93.

phishfan0969 · August 21, 2008, 5:42pm

Thank you, milkandsugar.

I would just like to point out, Baelor, that your entire argument is futile because you obviously don’t understand what I was saying. Even after restating my original point, I guess I’ll do it again.

That’s fine if parents don’t agree with underage drinking. However, the child will most likely not want talk to their parents about drinking if they can’t even bring home an R rated movie without being scolded. Even if the kid doesn’t want to partake in drinking, they should still have a talk with their parents about it. However, reality is that a good amount of high schoolers drink, and a much greater percentage of college students do as well.

Once they are almost an adult they should be able to make most decisions by themself.(Obviously this doesn’t include EVERY kid, but most reasonable ones) A parent telling them to not watch an R rated movie is not going to stop them. Even if the parent is simply trying to instill morals, the kid isn’t going to think, “hmm my mom doesn’t want me to watch this, so I guess I won’t. Even if I do hear the F word every day and I am at the natural age of reproduction, my mom says no.”

Once you’re 17, you’ve pretty much got your own morals down. At least I’d hope so.

phishfan0969 · August 21, 2008, 5:44pm

Baelor, what Milkandsugar said is not what you said. You said that parents need to give the kid morals. Milkandsugar said that it doesn’t really matter what parents do, which I agree with completely.

popcornboy · August 21, 2008, 6:59pm

I have not heard many opinions about previews influencing decisions to bring kids to r rated movies. Are previews good indicators or do you look for other sources in making your decision to bring your child, if as some of you say, it depends on the movie.

Baelor · August 21, 2008, 8:09pm

I wrote a huge post in response to yours phish, but then I accidentally pressed “backward” and lost it.

“Baelor, what Milkandsugar said is not what you said. You said that parents need to give the kid morals. Milkandsugar said that it doesn’t really matter what parents do, which I agree with completely.”

No, we actually agree. Let’s look at things that I said, and MandS also said:
"What you do in your household suits your family and your values. "
“Many very good kids from very good families make bad decisions, is that a reflection on the family? Not really.”
“There are no guarantees how our kids turn out. We equip them with what we feel they need to have and then we have to let them go.”

These statements are ones with which I agree totally. Parents have a right to raise their child however they wish. They have a job: Promote the values they have, whatever they may be. This may be interpreted as equipping the kid with skills that they feel are necessary to live a successful and safe life. They then hope the kids are going to follow them. If they don’t, that’s that.

“That’s fine if parents don’t agree with underage drinking. However, the child will most likely not want talk to their parents about drinking if they can’t even bring home an R rated movie without being scolded.”

Anecdotally, I’ve found this totally false. Really high-maintenance, hard-to-please, strict parents don’t disown their kids after a party (or even after getting pregnant). They might be angry (I’m sorry, I would be too), but they’re generally not totally closed-up. Some are, but they are in a huge minority in my experience. Do you have any evidence for this, by the way? Or does it just sound reasonable?

“Even if the kid doesn’t want to partake in drinking, they should still have a talk with their parents about it.”

I have never heard of any parent that has refused to talk with their kid about anything (save sex when they’re pre-teens).

“However, reality is that a good amount of high schoolers drink, and a much greater percentage of college students do as well.”

Again, most parents are aware of this. That doesn’t mean they have to condone or support or even allow it in their own house.

“Once they are almost an adult they should be able to make most decisions by themself.(Obviously this doesn’t include EVERY kid, but most reasonable ones)”

Percentage of kids that can support themselves financially, do their laundry, make meals for themselves, balance their budget and keep track of expenses, and make reasonable lifestyle choices: Less than 2%. I know hundreds of kids, and not a single one of them can make all the decisions they need to live their own lives. This choice is voluntarily; they are not stunted by their parents. Should they then be given the right to moderate their entertainment? Haha.

“A parent telling them to not watch an R rated movie is not going to stop them.”

Honestly, most parents know this. If a kid likes to tell racist jokes to your son, can you stop him at school? No. Would you allow rampant racism in your own home? I certainly hope not. Parents know what goes on at school, etc. But they have control over what is acceptable in their homes.

“Once you’re 17, you’ve pretty much got your own morals down. At least I’d hope so.”

To be honest, you probably hope wrong.

Would you let your kids watch R rated movies?

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