<p>Yeah. I don’t really think there needs to be an “explanation,” per se, anyway. I just think there doesn’t need to be an automatic blame response. As in, “You did something wrong!”</p>
<p>It can simply be, “You probably didn’t realize this, but I’d just rather people not handle___________. It’s why I keep it upstairs.” Or whatever.</p>
<p>Nobody has to be wrong for someone to have the “right” to have some things of their own.</p>
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Alas, I did.</p>
<p>As for the guitars again, I guess I think that the base assumption should be that your spouse might not like people to handle his multi-thousand dollar guitars. I can’t understand why anybody would assume the contrary, that it would be OK. As I said above, surely few people would assume that it would be OK to let strangers try on your spouse’s clothes.</p>
<p>For me, the stuff I don’t want anyone else to touch is stuff that is one-of-a-kind <em>and</em> fragile. Feel free to browse through my books, but don’t touch my collection of weird china teapots (a poodle, a dragon, more…). </p>
<p>My husband is very clear on which items of his can be loaned and which can’t; he actually keeps one bicycle specifically as a loaner.</p>
<p>This is a really interesting conversation as there are a number of issues involved…</p>
<p>husband/wife interaction,
privacy surrounding personal possessions,
visitors overstepping boundaries,
communication regarding value of personal belongings,
and so on…</p>
<p>Everyone will have a differing opinion. But, spouses need to communicate their expectations. And, most importantly, forgive the (hopefully apologetic!) spouse.</p>
<p>I am trying to think of something valuable that is my husband’s that he would not want someone to admire or touch. To me it is the fact that it is an instrument.</p>
<p>I also cannot think of any possession that if my husband showed it to friends would bother me. We do have a natural respect for each others things, but I don 't think this would bother me.</p>
<p>Maybe men just collect things more and attribute more meaning to them. Most collector type shows I go to are mostly male from comic books to cars to coins. I am sure there are some collecting areas where women dominate but they seem less common. Even rare books, maps and art seem more male than female. I’d bet on average you are looking at a 3:1 male/female collecting ratio overall.</p>
<p>My son is a clarinet player (he is 13) and treats his “licorice stick” like a baby. To say that he would be upset if someone played it is an incredible understatement. I agree with him. We saved up for a long time to pay for that instrument and if someone else’s carelessness made it unplayable, he would have the right to be angry. He is a remarkably generous person, but please don’t touch his clarinet!</p>
<p>Now I have an actual compulsion. I don’t want anyone to ever lay in or on my bed. No one. Ever. My family knows this.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’d have to agree that an instrument is an incredibly personal belonging.</p>
<p>I don’t think my husband owns anything that I could let anyone have access to without his permission</p>
<p>He has two Nazi era motorcycles , but I wouldn’t show them to anyone…that is his territory</p>
<p>@ zoosermom…my daughter has a thing about my bed so I’d be in trouble with that compulsion. If only she made her bed, fluffed the pillows hers would be just as nice</p>
<p>I just can’t handle anyone touching my feet…ever for any reason ;)</p>
<p>^^That reminds me of freshman year in college. I lived in a quad (which was formerly a student lounge.) Occasionally, I would arrive home to my dorm room to find somebody from another floor (even a boy!) sleeping in my bed.</p>
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<p>I’ve been amazed at these accounts of the audacity of some people when it comes to their lack of respect for other’s possessions, but this one literally made my mouth hang open. Let me get this straight: a woman, a total stranger, goes into someone’s home, opens a sealed collectible, and hands it to her child play with it as if it were hers to give? Really? I would have been absolutely apoplectic! Many collectibles lose half their value or more if they’ve been opened. My D is a total Star Wars geek who has been collecting memorabilia from the movies since middle school. Many of these items are kept Pristine in their original unopened boxes/containers. She would have a cross-eyed fit if anyone presumed to open these items, much less opened them and let a child play with them without receiving her permission. And I totally understand why.</p>
<p>I was taught from childhood that you must show utmost respect for the possessions of others because they belong to others. They are not yours to do with as you please. That is why I’m so careful when I borrow books or audiobooks, even those from the public library. It is because they are not my personal property, and must be made available for the use and enjoyment of other tax paying patrons, that I treat them with great respect. It drives me crazy when I inspect an audiobook, and see that it has been handled so carelessly as to not have a prayer of playing properly in my car’s CD player. Often, these CDs are so badly scratched, or smeared with some unknown substance, that I just shake my head in disbelief. Anyone who insists that “they’re only things” and therefore, “what’s the big deal?” is saying so only to excuse their own selfish and thoughtless behavior, and cares only about their own enjoyment, IMHO.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t let anyone touch my husband’s guitar either and he is normally a pretty easy going guy.</p>
<p>Touching my expensive stuff is fine with me. But I do have a problem when people go through my trash…</p>
<p>Are you a celebrity, vicariousparent? Lol</p>
<p>Poetsheart,
Thank you for understanding. This handyman rebuilt several rooms for me after hurricane, and still works for my friend. I told him to get as far away from this woman, who took no responsibility for her actions.The Star War figurines, fortunately, are in the family room, still in their cases.</p>