I’d honor the no gifts. Sometimes when gift giving becomes “mandatory” (we always give each other birthday gifts) it becomes less “I saw this and it made me think of you” and more “what can I get her that she doesn’t already have? “ Or worse “I’ll get her a mug!” (When my Mom passed we had to get rid of so many gifted mugs she kept but never used)
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I’d honor her request. If it feels too awkward for you to arrive empty-handed, take her something like a picture of your kids together, flowers from your garden, a book you’d like to pass on. A token but not a gift. But really, a nice card is plenty.
I might tell her you’re relieved to give up this gift-giving tradition as well.
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Gifts are not my love language. I’d be that person and hope that no gifts was honored.
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One more theory:
When I was first married I didn’t mind having married into a family that loved to give gifts- Christmas, birthday and anniversary gifts.
But as time went on, spouses were acquired, then kids came and pretty soon buying for 5 people was buying for 12 people, etc. it became overwhelming.
Maybe the friend is feeling this way if her own family has expanded and she’s burned out.
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Yes, I’d believe it. I just wrote this on another thread recently, but when I turned 60 and went out with friends, I implemented the “no, you’re not paying for our dinner” rule. That way I could make sure I hadn’t “slighted them” (I really don’t think they’d care) and we could just have dinner and pay 50/50 and be happy.
I am an only child, so Christmas isn’t hard for my family. We’ve been chastised by one of my husband’s siblings for wanting to do charity instead of gift giving to various branches of the family. “But I like to shop, wrap, etc.”
I’ve trained all of my friends to not exchange presents most of the time.
I do very occasionally buy presents for someone, when I see something that reminds me of them I think they’d really like. But being free to not have to buy presents is great.
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Probably so. Perhaps she is simplifying all around, concentrating on gifts for grandkids or people that don’t have the means to buy their own treats. Sounds like she enjoys the get together… and might enjoy it even more without the stress of finding the right gift when your birthday comes around. Of course she may have too much “stuff” already… ref the MANY posts in Bag a Week thread.
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I would honor it but… Have a gift in the trunk of your car. What if she pulls a fast one and gets you a gift???
I love the idea of writing a meaningful letter. Like a real letter on actually paper/stationary. Lol
My almost 28 year old hates tech to a point. She still sends friends post card’s and letters. She loves being surprised when she gets one.
But also sometimes just getting together can be enough.
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There’s no way I would have a gift waiting.
The person said, let’s forget the gifts. They mean, no gifts.
Take people at face value.
I have enough stuff. I need less not more. I don’t want to shop for a gift that may be in a drawer somewhere
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I’d honor the “no gifts” but might get a card instead that acts like sort of a gift. They make some really cool pop-up cards that fold out and stand by themselves or have small mementos attached to them.
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I love the idea of a card with a note. At the meal, you could ask her if she’d like a donation made in her name, and to what charity or other organization.
I’m so curious why people think that when someone says no gift, that you might
Have one in case they bring one
Have a card so you won’t feel empty handed
Make a donation to a charity of their choice
I’m sure there were other suggestions
It will be all right if you show up empty handed, with a smile and a positive attitude.
And have lunch!!!
Yes I know I’m cranky!
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I think the idea of a birthday card is ok. It could come to lunch or be put in the mail. Would not need to be fancy.
It is fine to come empty handed but some people LIKE to bring gifts.
Yes - but the audience has told you they don’t want it - so in this case, unless they’re lying, you gotta know the audience. Buy the gift for yourself !!!
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IMO we also have to be ok with one-way gift giving. There is no harm or sin in receiving but not giving one or vice versa.
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I don’t even want a card! Write some words on a note card and it will be more meaningful to me. Personal opinion, but a greeting card with no personal words from the sender - just the printed word on the card and a signature….is just a waste of money. Especially at card prices today!
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I’d take it as she has more than enough stuff. I have two good friends who we used to regularly exchange gifts but have evolved without discussion that sometimes we exchange and sometimes we don’t. None of us like the feeling of searching for a gift and not finding the right thing but buying something that doesn’t feel right. Now we all feel like if we see something that we feel is right for the other person we gift it, otherwise we just enjoy the company.
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I so agree with this. I tell the kids to save money and don’t bother with cards for me, BUT… my husband LOVES cards, so we all have to make sure we get them for him.
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I have a friend that I share a birthday with. We always go out to lunch on our birthday. For a few years we exchanged gifts but then one year a waiter took a picture of us together. She got it printed and framed and now we pass it back and forth each year as our present. She has it now and I’ll get it back next year. It’s a quirky, fun tradition!
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We usually fall in the no gifts category. Did this for my H’s 60th birthday - despite saying that, he did get some gifts! Most were alcohol and consumed fairly quickly 
I have a friend who insists on getting a gift every time we get together. We usually meet once every few months - sometimes it’s an occasion, sometimes, it’s cause a mutual friend is in town. I’ve given up telling her not to bring anything. I used to try and reciprocate - now, I don’t bother. She has given me some lovely things but she’s also given me some jewelry and other things that I will never use.
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