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<p>I’d say it to him just like that!</p>
<p>Well I think where we might differ Poetgrl (btw I love your name), is that I don’t think my knowing of my older teen’s specific behavior will change what i can do about it or what the outcome will be. I can advise but I can’t control everything. There is nothing I would say or do differently from having that knowledge or not having that knowledge. I can talk talk and talk some more and it will probably give me some sense of control and security but the reality is another thing. </p>
<p>I do have a teen D and as with my S, I am confident that she’d use BCP and protection. And with either, I would not mind reminding them of that til whatever age (regardless of my knowledge). </p>
<p>I don’t have a moral issue with it, I did the same at that age, and that is good enough risk protection for me. Sure there is always risk if you think hard enough on it to rationalize some kind of emotional or moral opposition to it, but nothing our kids do is risk free (including going away to college, driving a car, playing football, skiing, or crossing the road with traffic).</p>
<p>Oh I just realized something: you are talking about knowledge of unprotected sex. The question I would ask is do we know this for sure? I am not so sure in this case. But also poetgrl would you only want to know about unprotected sex or sex in general? I assumed the latter.</p>
<p>I think the talking to needs to happen with the OPs SON. Why would she feel she needs to draw the mother of the girlfriend into this conversation? The responsibility is with BOTH of these young people and the young MAN is as responsible for the sexual activity as the young lady. If the OP wishes to have a serious talk with anyone, it should be her son.</p>
<p>When my son was about 15 and dating for the first time, we happened to be in the grocery store together. I said–quite loudly–“oh look, Safeway sells condoms!” </p>
<p>“Mom, you’re embarrassing me!”
“Well, you’ll know you’re old enough to have sex when it doesn’t embarrass you to buy condoms at the grocery store.”
“Mom, haven’t you ever heard of drugstore.com? They sell condoms too.”</p>
<p>unprotected sex. It’s dangerous. </p>
<p>I really have to say that I am 100% sure my D would not be having unprotected sex. But, if I were a mother of a daughter having unprotected sex I would want to know. That was my only point.</p>
<p>Also, I’m a fan of your name as well.</p>
<p>So your son is almost 19, and the girl wont be 18 until May?</p>
<p>In other words, she just turned 17. And back in April, she was only 16 when your 18 1/2 y/o son was doing her. Reminds me of a Taylor Swift song about her best friend, Cause when youre 15 and somebody tells you they love you, youre gonna believe them. Shes just a kid.</p>
<p>You must not have daughters, or if you do, theyre definitely younger. Imagine when shes 16 and 17, and has a boyfriend, and you trust her. Imagine the boys mother saying the very things you are saying. How would your son feel if his sister was treated the way hes treating this girl?</p>
<p>I think you need to talk more with your son, specifically about birth control. A condom alone is simply not enough protection. From what you wrote, it sounds like the girl is unlikely to go on the Pill, but your son should insist that she at least use a spermicidal foam or gel in addition to his condom. Consistent use of these products along with a condom will lower pregnancy risk to almost that of the BCP, but he should be reminded that nothing is perfectly safe.</p>
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<p>Doesn’t look like talking to the mother of the girl will do much good at all. Modus operandi of the family may be to have a baby first and then get married.</p>
<p>*The girl’s older sister had a baby a couple of years ago, and then married the father of the child. They are struggling financially and living in the mother’s house.
*</p>
<p>These days many young families start out this way- housing is expensive and if you have the space and the temprament for shared living- why not?</p>
<p>I also would see that situation as positive from many points of view.
While the couple did have sex, which isn’t unusual for committed or even uncommitted partners- and became pregnant- which happens even while using contraception, they remained together- they even married and they decided to keep the child.</p>
<p>The young woman could have had an abortion and no one would know to pass judgement on her.
The young man could have abandoned the young woman and his child.</p>
<p>Having sexual intercourse is not a moral failing.</p>
<p>However- I realize there is a lot of do as I say * not as I do* out there.</p>
<p>For instance- while reading this thread, I have the impression that if my MIL was on CC, it could be her as the OP.
:rolleyes:
I was living with her son ( who was a few years older than I), when we were in our early 20’s, when I became pregnant ( while using birth control), we decided to marry & my mother in law especially was quite angry about it.</p>
<p>She kept telling us we didn’t have to get married to have a baby etc.
We got married- however I suffered a 4 month miscarriage- basically the day of the ceremony ( during the reception my MIL sniped that being pregnant didn’t hurt-we later found out I had an uterine malformation that may have caused the miscarriage- it also caused problems in subsequent pregnancies)</p>
<p>Anyway- I have been with my husband for thirty three years, and my MIL still hates me. However- I wonder how much she was projecting her own decisions to our lives, because years after our marriage- I inadvertently found out that * she had been pregnant with H * when she had gotten married!!</p>
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<p>I think the single biggest mistake anyone can make is believing that they are not responsible for their actions. And when your mother is acting as though it’s right and proper for men to be too weak to resist women, well, that is just setting the kid up to make huge mistakes down the line.</p>
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<p>My son is turning 25 in a few months. It has been a long, long haul between 13 (when “it” all started) and now. But what a difference a year or two makes! Just wanted to put that out there for all you parents who despair that their son (or D) will never get through it.</p>
<p>And we told our S that HE was responsible for birth control. 100%. No excuses.</p>
<p>Is it horrible that my first reaction to this whole thread is to be glad I have a daughter (who can decide for herself whether she is ready to be a mom or not) and then to have a sense of dread about any future mother-in-law she might end up with?</p>