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<p>And whether OP wants to be taken advantage of and treated like crap is his decision. He owes nothing to a MIL that treats him that way.</p>
<p>and Gourmetmom…</p>
<p>All I am going to say, is that I am very glad I am not in your family. Respect is a two way street and his MIL is giving him absolutely none. The amount of disdain you have for the OP because he wants to be treated with respect and doesn’t want to use his vacation time being used and unappreciated is staggering.</p>
<p>I agree, soccerguy, that respect is a two way street, but I have found that family relationships are stronger and healthier if members try not to keep such good track of who paid for this or that, who did what for whom, etc., especially when it comes to the eldest members of the family. I’m not advocating that it’s okay to be a doormat, but when the OP says that he tracks who his MIL buys dinner for, I have to wonder what is really going on here. Additionally, he offered no real specifics about the abuse he has suffered. Thus, it sounds more like a lack of understanding, respect, or communication, rather than blatant mistreatment.</p>
<p>BTW, I have a very lovely family, in-laws included:)</p>
<p>CC always has the best in-law threads! I would not feel obligated to spend vacation time with my in-laws, or parents, while they made repairs to a vacation home. These do not sound like needy elderly folks to me. As others on the thread have said, I’d give up vacation time to help ILs or parents prepare to move to senior housing, or make repairs they genuinely could not afford to make themselves. But I’m lukewarm, or colder, about the notion of sacrificing my own hard-won vacation time to assist capable people with projects I barely want to think about in my own home. And I don’t expect family members to help me with those. If family members are truly needy, that’s another story. </p>
<p>I made a serious mistake early in my marriage. We had no money and lived far from family members, so we traveled “home” for each vacation and spent that time with mom and dad. It became a pattern, and when the grand kids came along, of course our parents expected it to continue. It was more time than we needed to reconnect with mom and dad, and we have few fond memories of our own vacations with our kids. I wouldn’t do it again. Now that we’ve broken the pattern, we’re happier. We’ll help out when it’s necessary, but not for funsies.</p>
<p>^ frazzled, we did the same thing. For years vacations were always spent visiting family. But at some point we decided that there were other places that we wanted to go/things we wanted to do. Fortunately our families respect that. We still try to go at least once a year although sometimes it is H or me going by ourselves for a long weekend. (our families live close to each other, which is a mixed blessing). We are making that a priority as our parents are getting older.</p>
<p>On the flip side, my mother died unexpectedly 15 years ago when my two oldest children were toddlers, so I’m really glad that I spent all of my vacation time prior to that point with her.</p>
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Sorry for your loss. That explains your perspective, gourmetmom. We all see things through our own personal filters.</p>
<p>In all honesty, while agreed, more information helps to understand one’s perspective (as in your example) , I don’t think the OP, who signed off this thread days ago, is obligated to provide us with examples of his MIL’s verbally abusive behaviors. It would be helpful, but not absolutely necessary. If he says he’s been treated badly, I’d be inclined to take him at his word.</p>