I just read a beautiful essay called “Banana Girl” which was about a Chinese girl who didn’t feel Chinese because she couldn’t use chopsticks. This essay really resonated with me, since I’m also an Asian girl (albeit Filipino) who didn’t feel Asian growing up because I couldn’t speak my native language. I was really inspired by this and decided to write my essay about my experiences and guilt of feeling non-Asian.
So, one thing that made me feel especially non-Asian is that I didn’t get perfect grades. I got A’s and B’s, whereas all the other Asian kids got straight A’s. However, I was fine with not being perfect because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my personal life and personal happiness for perfect grades. I felt like it wouldn’t be a good thing to mention that I’m not aiming for perfect grades or that I’m okay with getting B’s, since it makes me sound academically lazy.
I’m Filipino as well, except that I grew up in the Philippines before moving to the U.S. If you want to write about “feeling non-Asian,” then I’d suggest going beyond just talking about perfect grades. Just my opinion, but I don’t think one has to “sacrifice [one’s] personal life and personal happiness for perfect grades.” Anyhow, there are tons to write about our Philippine heritage, such as the fiestas, food, and especially our customs and etiquette.
I would agree that I might focus on another aspect of being Filipino American… as a whole, the stereotype about grades/being psychotically academic is not as strong in the Filipino community so that point is kind of a misnomer? (like, every Filipino I know–dozens and dozens–were not crazy over-achievers and didn’t face parental pressure to get top grades. It’s a stereotype that hits Chinese and Korean Americans much harder, in my experience).
But there is so much to write about being Filipino American! So many things! I think it’s a good topic, overall. You could take a humorous tack, for example… like do you hate dinuguan? (or lumpia? or adobo?) Or write about not speaking Tagalog (very common with 2nd generation and beyond, btw). (fun fact, if your family has TFC, you can actually watch the programs with English subtitles now. They added that feature because so many Filipino Americans don’t speak Tagalog) Maybe it’s writing about visiting the Philippines and feeling super American.
Or, you can talk about the general isolation, re: feeling non-Asian by exploring the special things about being Filipino American that have lead to this. ie: spin it positively. Though to help you pinpoint what that might be, I’d have to have a great sense of why you feel non-Asian sometimes? Is it just the grades? Something else?
On another note, I feel way better knowing that academic perfection isn’t as heavy in Filipino American families. I thought it was just my family!
Still, I go to a very academic high school with LOTS of Asians; a whopping 20% of my school is Asian. The “Asian Community,” as they’re dubbed, doesn’t pay attention to WHAT Asian nationality you are. You’re just Asian. This is actually a nice thing because it makes us all one big Asian family, but it also can crush you when your realize you’re nothing like them. I just never felt apart of the Asian Community and thus I figured that meant I wasn’t Asian.
Also I love Filipino food so much. I don’t have the opportunity to take it for lunch very often (because we always finish it the night it’s made!) but when I do, I feel just a surge of comfort and warmth when I eat it. I can’t imagine someone hating adobo, much less lumpia! But that’s one thing I wanted to mention in my essay, how being Asian is more than perfect grades. It’s have appreciation for your culture and what not, like food! Because Filipino food is just amazing.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m going to lead my essay into me realizing that being Asian is more than just grades. I’m going to talk about Filipino culture and how following that is also being Asian too. There’s no one way to be Asian.
It sounds like you have the stuff for a great essay. Go ahead and write it! (for the record, I love lumpia and adobo haha. I’m not Filipino but via work I eat my fair share of Filipino food XD)