Yale Parents thread

Colleges & Universities Yale University
3981

@buttercreamlilac‌,

DS (already graduated) came from a more modest background, from a “flyover” state.

In terms of the financial standing of the families of those in his freshman suite, he is likely among the bottom 2 out of 6. We were actually pleased that at least he had another suitemate who came from a similar background. (Likely because of coming from a major city, this also-not-so-rich suitemate was not shy about suggesting “let’s go to a cheaper restaurant.”) That suitemate’s parent works for a city government as an low level employee. But his mother also works though. We are an one-income family.

The suitemates still got along. But after a year, usually those from a more well-off families would move into the same suites (and those with even more means may move off campus - or have the living space both on campus and off campus, just in case they occasionally want to stay on campus.)

We do not know how much allowances we give to our S - it is on the as-needed basis.

DS flied back home (1500 miles one way!) every break (except for the spring break senior year when he decided to stay on to complete his senior project). We really appreciate that.

At the beginning, he did seem to have a problem in “fitting in”. But his hobby in music instrument and his (moderate) involvement with the church/religion activities helped him to get involved with some group after slightly more than a semester. (He and his band members once played at a spring fling event! It was a “high point” in his journey in those 4 years.)

Roughly a half of his freshman suitemates stayed in the same suite for all 4 years. Sophomore was the most fun year because many studies abroad in the junior year.

I think your child will likely have enjoyable 4 years.

Oh…BTW, the poorest 3 suitemates ended up continuing their education after graduated from college. But this is just a single data point.

Yes, it is true that there is so much free food (like pizza, cake) on campus. In one year, they got a cake for celebrating the birthday of one suitemate, but none of their suitemates paid for it, as I heard. Someone is just better at finding free food than others. (The suitemate who found the free food, the birthday cake, heads to the Wall Street after graduation. The skill of finding free food could be translated to the skill of finding the money. LOL.)

3982

@butterqueenlilac - Yale has a wide array of students, from Questbridge scholars (who by definition are economically disadvantaged), to the children of Hollywood stars and billionaires. Walking around the campus, you will not even be able to tell the difference. Old money is not flashy. All the kids wear the Yale uniform - jeans, hoodies, boots, khakis, t-shirts or whatever they pick up off the floor when the are rushing to class. One of my D’s suitemates is from a rural dying coal mining area with 8 siblings and went to a public school. My D is an only that went to an exclusive private school in a major metropolitan area. They are best buds.

Funny, we have a timeshare in Florida and I am planning on taking them there for spring break. The two international suitemates are over the top happy about finally going to Disney World and seeing Mickey. To them it is the ultimate American experience. The one with multiple siblings is happy because when she was growing up her family couldn’t afford vacations. This way, she will not have a lot of expenses since the room, etc. is paid for.

Lots of free food on campus. Freshmen Counselor (FroCos) rooms are always full of snacks and pizza. The Masters regularly have study breaks where food is plentiful. Yale’s dining hall system is excellent and the food is good. My D’s suite always has an assortment of fruit, yogurt, granola bars, and other goodies pilfered from the dining hall.

I was that working class kid that went to Yale back in 1978. I was surrounded by kids who had traveled the world and gone to foo foo schools. However, my dearest friends turned out to be kids like myself who grew up with the same values as I did.

3983

Hi we are international (Canada) but the other coast, both DH and I work and have another child with his same dreams and just simply could not afford to have him come home except for Christmas. He has suite mates that are all types of financial backgrounds. And while there may be some extremely well off, others not at all. Do not worry that everyone is a multimillionaire because that absolutely is not true. Also sometimes a person’s career is super interesting - has lots of interest and importance but no cash - we have lots of friends like this so I hope DS knows money is not the be all and end all.

Do not feel like there will be pressure to shell out socially because that too is absolutely not true. SUre he goes sees a movie every blue moon, goes out to restaurants on the weekend, and small trips -he went to the Harvard Yale football game- But we are talking low budget - at Harvard he stayed at a Harvard chum’s dorm floor and as for restaurants low budget ones- well they are more fun for kids that age anyway! One they all thought it was really great so when they got back to the suite they checked out the ratings and found it had like one star!

Sure we know very affluent people there - but it just doesn’t seem to matter - well not yet or that I can foresee anyway. I see everything he pays for because it’s on a joint account and he’s not going crazy it’s on an as needed basis ranging from 100 to 200 a month that’s for most things. On top theres books and stuff but we equipped him pretty well and there really wasn’t anything he needed to buy clothes equipment wise. And he will work again this summer.

In sum do not worry! Your child will have a great time no matter what!

3984

Our son falls into the middle area. We’re very comfortable financially by most standards, but we are not in the philanthropist class. There is a theory put forward by some that Pierson has the most affluent residents because of its having been around for a long time; I have no idea if any part of that is true.

DS is frugal, sometimes to a fault, so we trust him to manage his spending. Other than books, there is the occasional pizza charge and sometimes a purchase on Amazon shows up.

We are lucky to live 100 miles from Yale, so travel is not an issue for us.

I’m sure that there are exceptions, but I think that most of the kids are sensitive to the different financial backgrounds, and don’t put their classmates on the spot by suggesting overly expensive outings. Paradoxically, I think our son’s private high school helped him be aware of the issue a while ago; the HS awards many scholarships, so there is much more diversity (SES, religious, ethnic, etc.) than in the local public school.

@buttercreamlilac‌ , your child will feel pressure at Yale, but it won’t have much to do with financial background. There are occasional bumps, but it is an overwhelmingly warm and welcoming place.

3985

@IxnayBob you sound like a clone of us down to the 100 miles! And our daughter is frugal as well. I get the feeling that a “splurge” among her friends is ordering out for thai or chinese. Her allowance from us is rather minimal, but she earns money in the summers and during the year tutoring etc.

3986

@donnaleighg‌ , that 100 miles is important. 100 or more gets us a discount on DS’s car insurance. I was prepared to argue with the insurance company if they said it was less than the 102 miles I said; its a car and not a helicopter or crow – you can’t get there in a perfectly straight line :slight_smile:

DS finally broke his hockey stick so I could get him a new one. He had grown at least 4" since he bought the old one, and the old one was so short that he looked less like a hockey player than a wizened old man with a cane. Still, I wanted to buy two sticks in case he broke another one, but that would not fly.

3987

@IxnayBob - I’m going to indulge in a little internal Yale ribbing and state the fact that Jonathan Edwards College is the oldest residential college and has the largest endowment. Though I agree that many of the RS have a small segment of the extremely well off.

My D is very frugal. She very seldom charges anything except for a coffee now and then. She will also go to Claire’s which is the vegan bakery/café when she needs her vegan fix and the dining hall options are not to her liking.

We live 300 miles away. A 5.5 hour ride without NY City traffic jams. The drop in our insurance when she moved away was astronomical.

3988

Thank you all for your heartwarming, sincere, and humorous responses! I indeed feel much more comfortable now.

3989

@buttercreamlilac‌ - I thought I would pipe in as my son, who is a sophomore, is on full financial aid. We live in Colorado, so getting home is expensive. While our family is on the lower end of the SES, my son went to a very economically diverse public HS where you have kids anywhere from free lunch to kids who drive Mercedes to school. I would say that the majority of his friends in HS where from upper middle class families. In that respect, my son was used to being around people from more affluent backgrounds than he before he arrived at Yale.

All of my son’s suite mates come from much more affluent families than he. He didn’t have suite mates his freshman year because he was on the 5th floor of L-Dub. He was homesick at the beginning of his freshman year (and I missed him); therefore, I paid for him to come home at Thanksgiving and he came home for Winter Break. This year, I told him that there was no way that I could afford to bring him home for Thanksgiving. He was home for two weeks during Winter Break. He told me that you get to recognize the faces of the kids who stay on campus for Fall break and Thanksgiving break. All of his suite mates went somewhere for Thanksgiving. He was invited to go somewhere, but decided to stay on campus and told me that he liked having the suite to himself for a week. :). Thanksgiving day, the Master of his residential college took the 20 kids who were still there out to dinner at the Omni. The campus is pretty quiet during breaks as most of the kids are gone, but there are enough kids there so that there are things to do. As my son is in an a cappella group, he travels for Spring Break with his group. The group pays for the tickets and most of the activities/food; therefore, Spring Break is not an issue.

There are certain things my son can’t do. He does have friends who go out for Sushi several times a week for dinner. My son can’t do that and begs off. He works for all his spending money/books. As the other posters stated, there are many free or nearly free things to do on campus. My son has never expressed any feelings of being a “have not” in the world of “haves”. As my son plans on pursuing music as a career, it is probably a good thing that he is learning to navigate the world of the economic compromise! :wink:

3990

Hello everyone, I am thrilled to be a Yale mom. S rec’d early action acceptance on Dec 16, found out at 5:06 pm, and since then we haven’t stopped smiling. :slight_smile:

He is a Questbridge finalist and buttercreamlilac I just want to say that your kid won’t be the only one shocked to discover that most kids come from much more affluent backgrounds. So far in the Bulldog chat groups the kids seem to already be developing a camaraderie which transcends differences (hoping this carries through to life on campus!)

3991

[Sorry if this is a repeat; my previous attempt seems to have disappeared without a trace]

What are the best summer storage options for long distance kids (who don’t have the “drive off with all your belongings” option)?

I notice that there is “All college storage” that is listed on Yale associated student services. Is that the best option?

regards
Teacherman

3992

There is storage in the residential colleges, but it varies from college to college. My sons’ allowed four very large boxes I believe, so they stored a good deal there for the summer.

3993

Some large furniture items can be moved to the new suite before the summer, at least in some of the colleges.

3994

I am going to have to deal with the summer storage issue even though we live relatively close (5.5 hours). There is no way I am schlepping all her stuff home. I looked into college storage options on line and saw some companies that will provide boxes, come pick the stuff up and bring it back in the fall. Never got pricing, and I am sure there is a range. However, for me, it will be an expense I will incur and will start saving up my pennies for it.

Back when I was there, we stored our stuff in the tunnels that run under the residential colleges so this was not an issue. But all of these tunnels have been renovated and now have game rooms, exercise rooms, libraries, snack bars, you name it, so that dead space is gone.

3995

^^ See: http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2012/04/03/ycc-expands-summer-storage-program/

3996

Looks good. But, unlike when the freshmen moved in, there will be no help moving out. Don’t know who would bring my kid’s boxes down 4 flights of steps and take them to the drop off point. For me, an outside company will be the best bet. I am sure they are banking on a lot of people feeling the same way.

3997

In our experience, my kids always found more than enough help hauling their boxes and furniture to wherever it needed to go. Suitemates and friends all chip in and help each other out. We never used any outside storage. Boxes were stored in the basement of the residential college, and furniture was stored in the next year’s suite.

3998

@Clarimom - is this current info? It was that way back in the day when I graduated in 1982, but that’s not what I’m hearing this year. Also, I cannot depend on kids that will be in the middle of finals and preparing to go home themselves carrying my D’s heavy boxes down 4 flights of steps and schlepping it to JE from Farnum. Even if they agree to do it orignially, anything can happen to throw that plan off.

I don’t want to go back up there and anyway, neither her dad or I can carry the boxes with our bad backs and hips. So, this is just something else I will just have to pay for. At this point, I just close my eyes and spend cutting back somewhere else in my life here at home to make it happen. But of course that is a choice.

3999

My daughter’s been in TD all four years. As I understand, they are allowed four boxes for storage there, and they aren’t that large. More or less the size of a box fo a ream of paper, or a touch larger. We live in driving distance, so always return with an absolutely FULL Subaru Outback trunk and backseat, despite her putting a couple of boxes in the basement. And somehow she’s always finishing up at the very end, so there aren’t typically other kids around. I certainly wouldn’t count on tons of help.

4000

My D has so much stuff. Hopefully some of it will come home and not be taken back for sophomore year. I may actually go up sometime in April to oversee some packing and to bring some stuff back. We have definitely learned, but she does wear a lot of what she has and because of her activities she needs a lot of business and business casual clothes.