@Memmsmom I am sorry to hear your daughter has been under this cloud. Unfortunately, since the details of the Yale disciplinary review are confidential, people on both sides of the issue are operating on heresay.
@shoremom22 A lot of what has transpired has come off of the chalk display of support that occurred yesterday. It has opened up a can of worms of sorts both to the positive and negative. I am just wondering what other kids have told their parents about the climate on campus in regards to this conversation. I completely understand the hearsay part but it is that same hearsay that is dragging others not directly involved through the mud of public opinion.
My daughter hasn’t mentioned it at all.
My son also has not mentioned it. Of course, he is overwhelmed with organizing the Spring Tour for his a cappella group. Between school and the tour, it may not be on his radar.
I read a piece in the NYT about it and the comments section was filled with Yale bashing. It seems a huge mess to me and I still don’t understand why if there are accusations being levied at this player why the authorities haven’t been brought into play? It seems as if all parties involved would be served better…
Right now in the absence of information, we have a feeding frenzie. I feel bad that the students just got through the crazy scene from this Fall and now this happens.
I have no clue what you are talking about. I need to ask my daughter what’s going on. That’s if she can pull her head out of the books for awhile. She has a Korean midterm tomorrow…
It has been a top story on the Yale Daily News site for the past few days/weeks. All I know is what I read there.
http://yaledailynews.com/
I would strongly recommend that all parents get more informed on this issue–not so much this particular case but the policies and procedures for complaints of sexual misconduct. This page is a good starting point. http://smr.yale.edu/sexual-misconduct-policies-and-definitions
Yale has a very proactive definition of consent. I admit I was surprised by the extent of what might be considered a legitimate offense. I’m not judging it–Yale can set policies as it sees fit–but I definitely think it’s something we should be fully aware of and discuss with our kids.
The basketball team situation is the kind of ethical stuff we love to nosh over in our family, so it has come up. We have talked mostly about the basketball team’s displays of solidarity and the postering/chalking displays of solidarity that followed–it’s an interesting case to my mind of the team not fully thinking through the potential consequences of their action. Also the judgment against male athletes in general. It seems to me that most of the kids are not doing a lot of judging about the actual case because they know that they don’t know much.
Reading the guidelines via the link @classicalmama posted, how close are we to all interactions of even a mildly sexual nature requiring somethin akin to a notorized signature of consent? Even then, suppose someone changes their mind or has regrets later…how does anyone know the real story with enough certainty to disciple a student? Who is at fault when both parties are under the influence of alcohol? How do we protect students who have been assaulted while in other cases not falsely accusing others? The girl from Columbia who carried a mattress around her campus for a long time after reporting her incident was troubling when her text messages were released. The boy (and her graphic text messages) made the case she was consensual. Later, when he lost interest in her, she accused him of assault, as his side of the story goes. Certainly, this isn’t the norm when these accusations are made, but college hearings are not “innocent until proven guilty” nor is public opinion.
It seems like there is a great deal of grey area within those policies, which is unfortunate.
For example, “Consent cannot be obtained from someone who is asleep or otherwise mentally or physically incapacitated, whether due to alcohol, drugs, or some other condition.”
OK, lots of college sex involves alcohol consumed by both parties.
And then…“consent can only be accurately gauged through direct communication about the decision to engage in sexual activity. ALTHOUGH CONSENT DOES NOT NEED to be verbal.”
Here is the opportunity for a case of “he said” vs. “she said” if the sex was unwanted, but not perceived that way by the other party. Of course, not all cases fall in this grey area, but this is where I can see people showing sympathy for both parties involved.
If you have want to but the fear of god in your sons, have them check out this Yale sexual assault case from 2013/2014 to see just how complicated it can get.
http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2014/11/07/after-uwc-complaint-two-students-wait/
This thread goes into depth about sons and consent and grey areas and more. I have concerns as the mother of a son and daughter.
Might this prompt a trend towards celibacy (before commitment)… A Mom can only hope! :))
@slk1022
That link to the YDN story left a sick feeling in my stomach.
Plan to have my son read it immediately!
@shoremom22, I would not be surprised if there were some movement away from hookup culture, but I can’t imagine that a return to celibacy is likely for most students.
DS had a long-term relationship in HS, and I think that relationship, and growing up in a pro-feminist household, made him very comfortable around girls/women and without the smell of desperation that turns most women off. For years, I had told him that “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing when you’re both sober.” Interestingly, he at least once made the girl angry when he suggested waiting for a more sober time. Personally, I’m glad that he’s in a committed relationship now.
On a different topic: Can any parents of Yale alums speak to what most seniors do in the time period b/t the end of finals and graduation? I have heard that many go away on a group trip before graduation but I imagine not everyone does. Are kids still wrapping up senior projects; are there events; do some who live in the northeast begin move-out process? My senior is living one day at a time which is nice for him but a bit trying for his parents who have to plan ahead a bit…!
Thanks for any insights.
My son, and a group of his friends last year went to Mobile and New Orleans for about 5-6 days between the end of finals and senior activities on campus. Other students went to North Carolina, Florida etc. There really isn’t one destination for all, and it’s more catch-as-catch-can. My guess is that more than half the kids stay on campus.
Thanks @gibby !
Any of you have children in the Yale medical school?
Anyone have a child apply and audition for the graduate school of music at Yale? My S was wait listed on Friday, but the email says “the wait list is short and a fair number of alternates will be accepted” so he is hopeful.
And yes I already posted on both the music thread and the grad school thread…but info is hard to come by so figured I’d give this a shot.
Does he follow gradcafe? That seems to be where a lot of information is about graduate school. Maybe he can post there (or at least read a bit)? Acceptance info is listed there, too, going back years, including stats (when they’ve been shared). You can search by school. This search link might work, but also see the forums.
https://thegradcafe.com/survey/index.php?q=music*+yale&t=a&o=&pp=25