Oldladyandmom, I am sorry for your son’s loss of his friend. Our S is in TD and he is very affected, had said he and his friends planned on going to the vigil.
I wish there were something we could do for his parents…they are in my prayers.
There was another death yesterday. Letter came out from the Dean. My D said that campus was somewhat subdued but that most kids are dealing with it. I am sure that the students who were friends and classmates of the two that passed are taking it hard and I am glad that Yale is offering counseling to those that request it.
This is so tragic. I started reading a little bit about the girl that passed Friday and it brought me to reading quite a bit about the Yale Mental Health problems. I know that suicides happen at all top schools, they happen everywhere. I understand that there must be some privacy surrounding the victims and their families , but from my experience (I do not want to go into details here because it is a public forum) it is best if suicide is named suicide, and not a tragic death or an accident. I can’t even begin to imagine what the families of those students are going through right now, I also know that it affects very deeply the other students, even if they did not know the victims personally. I am almost paralyzed, yet again . It brings back many sorrows and unanswered questions. May the two students rest in peace and may peace come to their families one day. We need to destigmatize mental illness like we destigmatized cancer.
Seems almost selfish asking with the loss the Yale Community has experienced as of recent but seasoned parents…what were your experiences with your students being home for the first time since leaving? I’m anticipating some negotiations with time, and car and family time…
@tonymom, the first year, it was frenzied getting together with HS friends, but the next year, it moderated a bit. I expect that this year it will be mostly family and rest.
@tonymom Ask kiddo what foods he wants you to prepare. He’ll probably sleep a ton. He may even bring a suitcase full of dirty laundry home. Work out what you expect of his schedule (like what IxnayBob said). Curfews are a thing of the past but ask him to let you know when he’s returning (that’s simply courtesy). Let him know your expectations on chores while he’s under your roof.
If he refers to his suite as “home” please don’t be offended that your household is no longer his “home”. It always will be – but his language context has shifted.
I called my room “home” upon my first break back. My mother shot me a look that could only signify “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”. It was unintentional! I promise! LOL
… and don’t be upset if your pets get more attention than you do :))
@tonymom I told her that for the first two nights she is home for dinner. She was welcome to have friends over. Then she could make plans to go out with friends. I negotiated it before it happened so there was clear communication that I missed her being around. This year is easier because she seems to want to be home. I think that being home over the summer helped because she saw that they were all dealing with the same family/friend time splits and that they were busy working too. Just make it clear what time you want and then let him plan things around that. You can also insist on friends coming over to spend time at your house too. I loved that rule. It was nice hearing all the teenagers in the house again.
Freshman year, there was a mad dash to see high school friends. Now, as a junior, when she comes home since she has been out of the country the last two summers, she sticks pretty close to home. She loves to bake and she is usually up all hours of the night baking something. Otherwise, she is hanging with the family dog and watching Netflix. She will come into my room for long mother/daughter talks when the mood hits her. Otherwise, I am just happy to know that she is in her room.
I really would like to continue the conversation about suicide. Should I start a different thread?
@Kelowna Please stay in this thread. My heart has been heavy since the news. I feel there maybe some lessons for us-the parents to learn.
@Kelowna - a different thread would probably be a good idea. Post the link here when you do.
@Kelowna, I agree about a different thread, probably in the Parents’ subforum, because this is far from a Yale specific problem. My head is reeling from DS’s HS classmates who have committed suicide and those whose overdoses might have been suicide. Some of this might be that we have so much more information about our friend networks than years ago, but it is still very sad.
Not that it helps, but the second death may be more related to issues back home in South Korea and not really school related. A death is a death though so it is really sad nonetheless.
@Tperry1982 Maybe, but I read on a newpaper, but not sure how true it is though “She took a leave of absence from the school last year and was preparing to go back but reportedly experienced a lot of stress in the process.”
I also read some where that Yale readmission process could be stressful. I do not know what kind of process kids have to go through in order to come back to school. Hope it does not discourage kids from coming back.
@Tperry1982 - it does not matter what the cause was - suicide is still a suicide. I am not putting any blame on Yale, but let’s talk about it in the open. I think we are doing our kids disservice when we are trying to cover it up by not talking openly about this .
Its not that it is a disservice. It was a choice that was made. In many cases there are no answers or explanations. I had two friends that died by this as a teenager. Neither left a note and neither had clear reasons for it to happen. It was terribly difficult to process because I was at the same point of my life and there was so much future and hope ahead of me. I could not wrap my head around how that could not be seen or the amount of pain that it was causing both friends and family. There were no answers then and there will be no answers now. You can talk about it all the time and you can offer help, love, support but in the end it is a choice that they chose to make. They are smart- they know about the support groups, the hotlines and one of these students was quite popular from what I hear. There are no answers. And answers wont change anything anyhow. The best you can do is comfort those that don’t understand why they were not enough of a reason for that person to stay.
@Kelowna - I’m not covering it up and I am calling it what it is. But I’m just saying that the issue that precipitated this suicide may have nothing to do with school or school related stress. The student was not in school this semester, having taken off the semester to get married - yes married, at 19. She was in town with her parents and her husband when it happened, not on campus. There is more behind this story that has absolutely nothing to do with Yale.
@Tperry1982 Along with that, there was a huge write up in the YDN about her but not about the first boy. To have that much written so fast seemed odd. We had wondered if she had been sick because it was published so quickly as if it had been written prior to her passing. To be married so young and pass away at home with husband and parents there off campus sounded like that movie where the kids get married because time was short. How sad if she too was suicide. That makes her story so much more tragic because it is not common to be married at 19, take a leave from an opportunity like Yale to get married.and then have this happen. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. I am so sad for the Calhoun community.
There was a long write-up about the first young man, which showed how much he was loved and posted similarly speedily.
http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2016/11/01/community-mourns-hale-ross-18/