Yet Another Modest Proposal: Sports University

Applying to College
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<p>In the same vein as Hunt’s original thread proposing a “Super Stat,” namely a university admission process based solely on specified test scores, I would like to make a modest proposal for a university at which admission would be based solely on sports prowess. The motto of Sports University would be “VINCERE NON TOTUM EST – SOLUM EST.” This is Latin corresponding roughly to the statement by Vince Lombardi, “Winning isn’t everything – it’s the only thing.” The founders of Sports University want to make the only thing the main thing at their university. Admission will be based solely on demonstrated sports prowess or demonstrated sports interest. </p>

<p>Sports University will have to fight the hegemony of the NCAA by offering sports scholarships not limited in number per team and not limited in dollar amount per student. The sky is the limit for the number of dollars that will be devoted to the support and care of a top athlete at Sports University. The specific goals of Sports University include </p>

<p>a) winning the Director’s Cup each and every year in college sports, displacing Stanford University from this honor, </p>

<p>b) offering the largest number of varsity college sports teams of any university, displacing Harvard from this honor, </p>

<p>c) winning the Bowl Championship Series every year in college football, until the BCS formula is altered to provide an automatic slot for the Sports University team in the championship final game, </p>

<p>d) winning the college basketball Final Four every year, again until placement of the Sports University team in the final four is automatic, </p>

<p>e) having Sports University students win gold medals at the Olympic Games in greater numbers than the highest performance by {China, Germany, United Kingdom} in both winter and summer competition, </p>

<p>f) having the world’s largest sports stadium on campus and having it host games every day, </p>

<p>g) having the world’s largest aquatic center, velodrome, soccer field complex, fencing piste building, etc., etc., </p>

<p>h) have a Grammy-award winning marching band that tours the world for Sports University games, </p>

<p>i) have the unquestioned champion team of varsity cheerleaders, </p>

<p>j) have the largest alumni booster network of any college sports program in the world. </p>

<p>The founders of Sports University believe that such a campus atmosphere will be an irresistible draw to sports-avid students, who will be happy to pay a list price for tuition, room, and board of $100,000 (in 2008 dollars) to be on campus with the scholarship students on the sports teams, the band, and the cheerleading squad. Sports University will spare no expense to hire the best coaches, trainers, band directors, and other program support staff. Academic faculty will be hired on a temporary adjunct basis and evaluated for renewal of their contracts based on the sports performance of their students. The student newspaper, the Claque, will hire the best budding sports publicists of college age and fund their travel to the locations where Sports University players compete.</p>

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<p>We already got this, its called not going to college.</p>

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<p>I think you also need to have a job placement department, although I think you will find that your graduates will do very well in the job market.</p>

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<p>it’ll need its own med school to research the “cream” and the “clear”…</p>

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<p>I’m sure the job placement from Sports University will be just fine. </p>

<p>I’m not entirely sure what bluebayou means by the reference to a medical school at Sports University, which is not a planned program for Sports U.</p>

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<p>^^I think he was joking. The “cream” and the “clear” are references to steroids.</p>

<p>Anyway, Europe already has universities strictly for sports so it’s not a bizarre idea.</p>

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<p>Thanks. Not being a user, I didn’t catch the reference. I presume you aren’t a user either but are better read than I am. </p>

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<p>It’s good to know that Sports University is firmly based on international precedent.</p>

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<p>"Thanks. Not being a user, I didn’t catch the reference. I presume you aren’t a user either but are better read than I am. "</p>

<p>Well, I follow baseball so that is why I caught it. This is what Barry Bonds, the all-time HR leader, used. I think Marion Jones, the famous sprinter, also used this.</p>

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<p>I’d go in a heartbeat.</p>

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<p>not a user either, but a baseball fan on the west coast, where Barry (used to) get a lot of press – the LA Dodgers being a big rival…</p>

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<p>this was one of our state high school proficiency test prompts: is a “sports” high school a good idea. i wrote: what kind of stupid idea is that??</p>

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<p>^^hahahahahahahahaha</p>