<p>A freshman at D’s HS committed suicide over the weekend. His sister is in D’s grade and was possibly the one who found him. This is the second one since D started there. When she was a freshman a Junior boy committed suicide. In fact she was at a charity walk Saturday for the American Society for Suicide Prevention in his name, and came home with a t-shirt emblazoned with his picture. </p>
<p>Apparently, today was a really depressing day at school. The latest boy was gay, and it is thought that the suicide was probably the result of bullying. So tragic that this is what our society is. :(</p>
<p>^Umm, teenagers killing themself, apparently because of being harassed on the basis of sexuality…? In other words, the answer to your question’s in the original post.</p>
<p>So awful…It makes me wonder what parents teach their children regarding issues of sexuality. How could children of any age know such cruelty unless they were raised that way. I hope they investigate this and are able to find some hard core proof if he was being harrassed. It is far time that every kid involved in these situations be held responsible. It must be so hard for young highschool kids dealing with this especially if their parents are not supportive. If these kids could only get past highschool and find their way to college where they would likely find a far more accepting atmosphere.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for his family that have to live with the lose of a child in this way. The suicide of a child has to be the worst thing a parent could ever live through.</p>
<p>His sister will always have that vision in her mind…so sad.</p>
<p>"In other words, the answer to your question’s in the original post. "</p>
<p>Okay, I see what you mean. sylvan8798 might have meant “our society is teenagers killing themself, apparently because of being harassed on the basis of sexuality”.</p>
<p>Heartbreaking. It seems like there is one step forward and two steps back for equality for gays. In the same week that we have the repeal of DADT you get an elected leader like the state representative from Oklahoma who made the news saying “homosexuals are bigger threat to the United States than terrorists.”</p>
<p>While this is tragic, and bullying is wrong, let’s not pretend that the kid is justified in doing this or that the bully is responsible for the kid’s death. Life can be very hard and very sad, but that doesn’t mean it’s anybody’s fault and it doesn’t mean you can’t move on. Living is surviving.</p>
I disagree with the “all or nothing” approach implicit in this statement. If the kid killed himself out of despair over being bullied the bullies absolutely share responsibility for the outcome of their actions. People who are deliberately mean to other people - in particular, harassing them over something that the other person is likely to be self-conscious about - are trying to hurt that person, and are doing it solely for the self gratification they get from hurting someone else. The consequence may be disproportionate, but the responsibility isn’t. It’s sort of like when someone gets in an argument with someone else and punches him, and the other person falls over, hits his head, and dies. Yeah - they didn’t mean for him to die. The consequences are out of proportion to the intended harm. But they still intended harm. There’s still responsibility. Personally, I think that someone who deliberately hurts another person - physically or emotionally - just for the pleasure of hurting them, is more culpable than one who might act out impulsively or recklessly with resulting physical harm.</p>
Oh, ok, I thought maybe you were being snarky. This is a middle class American suburb. Mid America. Predominantly catholic. People here consider themselves well educated, christian, doing a good job raising their kids, civilized. Yet this kid was abused at school and online to the point where he would kill himself. Not by just one person. Apparently not by some small contingent he could dismiss as ■■■■■■■. By a force strong enough that it could not be overcome by his support structure. </p>
<p>It’s utterly appalling, and right now, I’m ashamed to say I live here. But it doesn’t just happen here, it can happen anywhere in the country.</p>
<p>I will have to look up snarky. My irritation my have come across, but more toward Elikresses’ comment (“umm”) than toward the original post. Teens at risk for suicide are a huge part of my day to day life, and I was wanting to make sure I understood what you were saying. But you are right, that this is not the place for what I was looking for.</p>
<p>Some of these posts are really good. I thought aergrisomnia brought up a great point in post #10 and kluge’s reponse in post #11 was very good in elucidating some of the distinctions of what it means to be responsible.</p>
<p>A couple of things are new to society as of late. One is that kids come out earlier, maybe before they have a stronger sense of self that would make it easier for them to dismiss being bullied.</p>
<p>The other new thing is the downside of social media. I can’t bring myself to read the account of this particular victim because it makes too sad but I got the impression from one of the posts that social media may have been one of the forms of the bullying.</p>
<p>When you write about whether or not someone was “justified in doing this”, do you mean the student who committed suicide? It seems so. How does the issue of justification have anything whatsoever to do with suicide? That is SO old school and unenlightened. Human beings are designed NOT to kill themselves. We are hard-wired for self-preservation. When a person takes his own life, he is sick. His thinking is not working properly. The brain is an organ like any other. Illness in the brain is different than illness in another organ because the sickness can speak to you in your own voice. This fact confuses people into believing that victims have control over the decision. You can make good choices and do things to stay healthy (head to toe) and resist all kinds of disease and illness. Still, sometimes the body breaks down and succumbs. Death from suicide is death from illness. </p>
<p>We are social creatures, and I cannot imagine that a person could be alive today and not have gotten the memo that bullying makes people emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and even physically sick. If you bully another person, you are intentionally damaging their health. If they die, you are certainly responsible. Obviously context matters here, but to some extent blame is perfectly appropriate.</p>
<p>“This fact confuses people into believing that victims have control over the decision.”</p>
<p>I think you’re oversimplifying. Culture has a lot to do with whether people in a given crisis kill themselves or not. In America, suicide rates are higher among whites than blacks, even though depression and other mental illness is at least as common (and is treated less often and less effectively) among blacks. I suppose it’s possible that genetics play some role, but most commentators attribute this to the fact that suicide is viewed differently in black and white communities. Suicide is several times more common in Japan than in Hong Kong, which shares a similar racial and financial profile but lacks the cultural respect for suicide that Japan is famous for. None of this is consistent with the idea that suicide results when victims are grabbed by some uncontrollable force or breakdown in the self-preservation system. It isn’t that simple. For most suicides, there’s an interplay among external crisis, internal disease, and decision-making.</p>
10char</p>