<p>So, I thought that I’d gotten pretty good at the many ‘firsts’ in parenting.
But today I’m hit unexpectantly with yet another.
Our oldest child turned 23 today and it’s the first birthday we’re connected remotely by phone calls/ecards,etc only.
He’s been away at 2 different colleges, summer camps, etc but with an early June birthday, he’s always been around to celebrate with us (before promptly heading out with friends for the real celebration!).</p>
<p>He’s happy as a clam, living in NYC for the summer and wrapped up in a pretty cool summer job. Happy for him, but feeling a bit like that Sept campus dropoff about 5 years ago!</p>
<p>I’m sad for you. My kids aren’t in college yet - but my oldest has a late September birthday which means she will turn 18 while she is away at college and depending where she goes we will not be able to see her. I’ve been fretting about this since she was about 10 and I realized this was in our future.</p>
<p>musicmom, I can relate. DS is a rising senior in college. Next week he’s off to Japan for a summer internship. I feel like I did when he left for college - I’m fine one minute, next minute I’m crying. I know this is such a great opportunity for him and I’m so happy for him but its hard on mom.</p>
<p>Not seeing my daughter on the actual day was something that I got over immediately when she headed off to college. My husband and I always managed to see her sometime during her birthday week. </p>
<p>I wish I could say that it got easier but my daughter has been overseas for her past two birthdays and for me at least, not seeing her at some point during her birthday week has been tough. The love for your child is so darn primal. :o</p>
<p>musicmom, I feel for you. It’s definitely harder on us than the kids. This year my eldest turned 21 away from home in his 3rd year of university. Now he’s in Europe for a course for 7 weeks. I can say it’s a tiny bit easier than it was the first time, but not by much. And in the fall, youngest goes out of the country for school.</p>
<p>Here’s a quote from around Mother’s Day: Making the decision to have a child -it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body. Elizabeth Stone</p>
<p>S1 (22)has a Feb. birthday. We haven’t seen him on his b-day since he went to college.
S2’s(19) b-day is last week of Dec. so will see him until the college years are over. </p>
<p>With both they have been more interested in celebrating with friends since about 16.
They don’t get that the Mom gene just makes you feel like you should be with them.</p>
<p>DH doesn’t really get it either so he’s no help. You should have seen the look on his face when I suggested driving (3 hours) to S1’s college to take him out for his birthday and
then driving back home. I might as well have suggested an overnight trip to Mars.</p>
<p>For 21 years, I personally baked my D’s birthday cake (real buttercream frosting too). While she was at college, we sent it by fedex (special box and all…). This year was the first I made no cake, because it would have cost hundreds to fedex a cake to England. I was sad.</p>
<p>My boys have Sep and Feb birthdays, so we’ve missed most since they started college. But my D’s is in late June. This summer she is a camp counselor several states away. It will be the first birthday ever we haven’t spent with her, so I’ve been thinking about this, too. And I’m not even sure how to help her celebrate. It will be in the middle of the week, and she will have a bunch of 9 and 10 years olds with her. She can’t even check email or get phone calls till the weekend. </p>
<p>I’m packing her a box. So far, I’m sending some party horns (one for each kid in her cabin), water balloons, beach ball, water bottle, bathing-suit coverup, and a pair of sheep slippers (She asked me for slippers – “Something fun. Nothing boring. I trust you, mom.” I collect sheep, so I know she’ll like them.) I hope the camp makes her a cake or something. </p>
<p>Relatives all sent cards and checks here before she left. I wish they’d waited and sent her the cards there - I think it would have been fun to get mail.</p>
<p>My S has an early May birthday so I haven’t seen him for the last two years since he left for college. And he didn’t make it home for his sister’s HS graduation two weeks ago, since he’s 2,000 miles away and was still in class. Very hard. Thank goodness for cellphones. I think the hardest part is not letting him know how really sad it makes me. I tell him I miss him, but not how much. I don’t see the point of making him feel bad for my loss- I save that for my Hubbie. :)</p>
<p>Thanks so much for all the responses!
I loved reading everyone’s own version of my mom mini-meltdown.
Honestly, I wasn’t actually sad so much as SURPRISED that such a minor thing as a ‘long distance’ birthday caught me unawares.<br>
We sent ecards and spoke by cell; gifts had already been presented. Odd things like a tuba mute to practice in his summer apt in the city, and a cheap vacuum cleaner too. Yes, the 23 yr old young man ASKED for a vacuum cleaner. So maybe I did something right that he wants to clean up the apt shared by 3 young men!</p>
<p>Canamdance-
LOVE the quote:
Making the decision to have a child -it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body. Elizabeth Stone</p>
<p>This is EXACTLY how I feel…
Thanks to all who took the time to share, I appreciate every story.</p>
<p>All three of my daughters have fall birthdays, and as a result each turned 18 while away at school. Thankfully, the colleges they chose all had programs through their food service where I could order a cake for them and they would get an email informing them there was a “surprise” waiting for them at the food court. Of course all the kids know about it, so it wasn’t really a surprise, but it’s the thought that counts! In addition to sending them the cake and a birthday package with gifts, I also mailed each girl 18 cards for her birthday. I went to the 1/2 price card store and bought cards for ages 1 to 18. Inside each card I put a picture of them at that age, along with a few sentences about what they were like or what I remembered most about that year. I put a number on the back of each card so they could open them in the correct order. They all told me they had fun opening the cards and laughing at the “old” pictures with their friends. They also said their friends were jealous that their Mom’s didn’t do something like that for them! One of the last things my daughter said to me this year as we were dropping her off for freshman year was, “Better get started looking for pictures now Mom, my 18th birthday is only 9 days away!”</p>