<p>I would hug my son and let him know I love and support him, and I would make sure he felt safe in his college environment. Then I would remind him that healthy relationships and safe sex practices are just as important in homosexual relationships. I would make sure he knew where he could go if he had any questions or concerns.</p>
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<p>I’m not planning on asking my (presumably, til proven otherwise) hetero children when and how they found out they were hetero! Seriously, I can see asking those questions … but not at the outset. To me, the most important thing is ensuring that they know that it’s totally fine with us (parents), and while it may be a bit awkward for us processing it, meeting a same-sex date instead of an opposite-sex date, etc., we’ll all work through it.</p>
<p>I’d also ask my child, as I do with anything important and personal to them, “is it public yet?” and abide by their guidelines. Sometimes I’m the first to know things; other times, the last.</p>
<p>They like to control the timing of important announcements to our nosey, if supportive, extended family.</p>
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<p>My D knows that implicitly and explicitly. And in fact I have not presumed that she is heterosexual. She has ‘come out’ as a heterosexual and affirmed her orientation to me. Which is why I would be surprised if she now came out as gay and I would be curious.</p>
<p>Now if she registers as a Republican… :)</p>
<p>Just want to add that just because your child is out to you/your spouse does NOT mean they want to be out to their whole family. My parents know I am bisexual, but I have not talked to the rest of my family about it. …just remember that :D</p>
<p>I am sure I would continue to love and support and hope for the best for my son or daughter. But I’m also sure it would be a stressor. It would be new territory for me and outside my expectations. I’ll be honest, and admit I reflexively assume my kids will be heterosexual like me. Life can be challenging enough without the homophobia.</p>
<p>I’m sure I’d be able to deal.</p>
<p>And I always recall my the reaction of my wife–who is feminist to the core–when we found out our first child was going to be a boy. “Life will be easier for him.” (Maybe I should do more around the house.)</p>
<p>I’m not so sure that’s true. The challenges are just different for the genders. In general, not to make a blanket statement, men have more difficulty connecting to other people in a meaningful way. Nothing easy about that.</p>
<p>About life being harder for gay children – many things are hard. I’d stay away from that one, too. It may be true, but for some it isn’t.</p>
<p>And something I’ve discovered is that life is pretty much hard for everyone.</p>
<p>I have no thoughts right now about being a grandmother. Like mathmom, I love my kids to bits, and my mom has told me it’s as if they’re my grandchildren.</p>
<p>Although right now my D is a nanny to a four month old and when she calls me about what Reese is doing, I do feel a little grandmotherly. I am amazed that someone trusts D with their baby. She is a wonderful nanny, so their trust is well founded, but…oh dear I am so wandering off topic!!! Sorry, friends.</p>
<p>Hugs, kisses, and a lot of support. My dc know I will stand by them until the end of time whether gay, straight or bi.</p>
<p>“Cool. Have safe sex.”</p>
<p>I don’t have kids yet, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be any more exciting than that considering I have no qualms with homosexuality. </p>
<p>I mean, really? Heterosexual? Homosexual? Bisexual? Doesn’t matter to me.</p>
<p>Though I would likely find out before college…</p>
<p>I’m so glad that some of you have posted info about PFLAG right on the first page of this thread. Should there be any parents who are having difficulty coping with this type of situation and who happen to check out this thread, they’ll have ready access to this info, front and center.</p>
<p>LOL vicariousparent (post#24).</p>
<p>My good friend is dealing with this with one of her sons, who has come out to her. Interestingly, she handled it wonderfully (unconditionally supportive, etc, but then again she has a gay sibling) but her DH is having a tougher time-- interestingly was focused initially on the probability (which we delicately challenged) of not having grandchildren.</p>
<p>It’s very reassuring to read the responses above, though I suspect that CC parents are on the high end of the national enlightenment normal curve. And that enlightenment can be a matter of life and death. About.com notes “The San Francisco State University Chavez Center Institute has found that LGBTQ youth who come from a rejecting family are up to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.”</p>
<p>“The San Francisco State University Chavez Center Institute has found that LGBTQ youth who come from a rejecting family are up to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers”</p>
<p>Kind of odd that they would just make that comparison to heterosexual peers. Did they also have comparisons of youth from non-rejecting families? That would be a more accurate comparison of how family acceptance plays in.</p>
<p>“Same. Would want to know if there were a special someone and if I could meet him/her (I have children of both genders.)”</p>
<p>Awwwww. :).</p>
<p>Well, it’s nice to see a lot of these responses…however…they are hypothetical…and when it comes down to the wire, a lot of parents don’t act in the way they say they will.</p>
<p>For example, my friend’s very liberal Dad told him repeatedly, “It’s ok if you’re gay - I will love you unconditionally.” When the son did eventually come out, the Dad exploded on him. Said he wasn’t sure if he could still consider him his son, said he had no interest in meeting the significant other, etc. The relationship is now very strained.</p>
<p>My own parents also had a live and let live attitude about homosexuality/had gay friends/etc. When I came out, their reaction wasn’t nearly as strong as my friend’s father’s. They basically said “it is how it is” and do not treat me any different than they did before. However, they have little interest in hearing about my gf or meeting her/talking with her. Additionally, they would never even think to ask me if it was ok to tell their friends/relatives/etc, would never think to rush over to her house to take prom pictures with the group, etc. as they prefer to keep it secret and not even discuss it with me or amongst the immediate family…they do not consider the fact that I have a beautiful and successful girlfriend a worthy conversation topic…though their opinion is much different when it comes to my brother and his romantic interests.</p>
<p>So, parents, if your son or daughter does come out to you, keep in mind that they likely will NOT face much discrimination from their friends, at their workplace, etc. It is the 21st century, after all. And if they do, usually it is quite easy to brush off. The worst burns comes from the people you are closest to…your own mother and father. If you are worried about prejudice, be worried first that it may come from you.</p>
<p>have a friend whose son came out to her right before leaving for college, she is often kind of critical and uptight but she knew how important her acceptance would be to him, and she was very accepting with him. he now has a serious relationship with a fellow student and they are planning to move out of the dorms and get an apartment together next year. my friend and her son joke about some of the issues that come up. however he has yet to tell his father who lives in Europe.</p>
<p>“Her DH is having a tougher time-- interestingly was focused initially on the probability (which we delicately challenged) of not having grandchildren.”</p>
<p>To some people, that is a huge deal. For me, I would be disappointed if one of my kids were gay, purely for that reason, as it does lower the odds. But I would never let them know. I want grandchildren so badly, and my sons would be fantastic dads. But then again, I’d deal with it, and have to be satisfied with my fat little dogs.</p>
<p>I dont care if they are gay. I just am proud of them because they are good people I would be really dissapointed if they turned into jerks. sexual orientation is not an issue. However I told my D’s I dont prefer the Mullet. (LOL) seriously I would love them mullet and all. I just want them to be happy.</p>
<p>“(LOL) seriously I would love them mullet and all.”</p>
<p>Gay, whatever, no big deal. Mullet…I might disinherit for!</p>
<p>*what VeryHappy said"…</p>
<p>however she already knows that if she were to bring home a mate (of any gender! 
that espouses the Republican party line then I am changing our phone number for sure :)</p>
<p>I am fortunate to come from a wonderful extended family. One of my cousins is a lesbian activist with an important position in a NY organization. She and her wife married in MA when it was legal. They’ve been together over 30 years. We love both, and everyone in the family is very warm. We have all embraced her stepchildren and now my cousin and her wife are both grandmas.</p>
<p>So my family would expect no less of anyone in the family.</p>
<p>However, sadly, they are very hard on anyone overweight. I am not trying to be funny.</p>
<p>It reminds me of a wonderful interview I read with Gertrude Stein. The interviewer said, “So you left the US and moved to Paris because you are a lesbian?” Gertrude: “No, I left because I’m fat. And Alice and I love cake. In Paris we can eat cake without disapproval.”</p>
<p>There are many things that transgress the very rigid social mores we have, and anorexic women are dying from the social disapproval of fat and also have difficulty producing grandchildren.</p>
<p>We have to get past this idea that our goals should be perfect lives. Lives don’t come like that. Our goals should be loving, productive lives, but they’re all going to have challenges and losses.</p>