^Wow, glad it wasn’t so complicated when I was in my early 20s! Met DH in grad school and we were engaged within three months.
Hanna, your perspective is interesting to me. I may live in a bubble.
Among my heterosexual sons, nephews, younger male cousins, young male friends of my sons, sons of my friends, etc … there is a pattern of seeking out and marrying very highly accomplished and driven women. These women all seem to me to have had a choice of mates and picked carefully, sometimes even identifying a particular likely looking prospect and orchestrating an introduction.
Among the highly accomplished young heterosexual female family members and friends, all are partnered but one. She doesn’t seem to be looking, doesn’t want to discuss it, and her parents aren’t clear what exactly is up. She may have a secret life. She is busy with work she loves and seemingly very happy.
I’m very interested in watching what happens with this generation as they begin families of their own, and neither new parent wants to limit career opportunities for childcare. I know more than a couple of sets of grandparents who have been implored to move in and help out. Recently when hearing about a young woman who is doing extremely well professionally, but not making up her mind yet to marry a long term boyfriend, mainly due to his relative lack of ambition and lower career aspirations, I suggested to her dad maybe this was a good thing if dad didn’t want to be asked to be primary caregiver for future grandchildren. Everyone in the extended family likes boyfriend a lot, and they like his family a lot.
Most of my same age peers prioritized time over money, and often professional recognition. Our kids seem to have a different approach, at least so far. It will be fascinating to me to watch what happens with all of them.
“First, college and graduate school are still places where lots of people find romantic partners, but I think there is a fair amount of social pressure now on students not to couple up, for fear that it will distract them from their studies and interfere with establishing their brilliant careers. And that’s right: Romantic involvement, successful or not, requires energy, time, and compromises, all of which may affect the achievement of other goals. If you get absolutist about it – nothing should get in the way of X! – then there’s little or no hope for real romantic engagement. And increasingly, I think young adults get the message that they ought to be absolutist about their careers, at least until that mythical point when they are “established.””
This does seem to be the case in some instances but how unfortunate/shortsighted, IMO. I’ve never given this message to my kids. Sure, I want them to have a successful career (yes, self-supporting but enjoyable as well) however, I think finding a great life partner will have an even greater impact on their happiness over a lifetime. Yes, relationships while studying are a time commitment and can be messy but they are when working on one’s career as well. Even the messy and unsuccessful outcomes are learning experiences, IMO, and will hopefully lead to better choices down the road.
Women are much more discriminating than men. S1 is 6’1", decent looking, decent job, fit and active, charming … and involuntarily single. After he and his long-term gf broke up she found a new guy almost immediately. He is struggling with finding the time and emotional resilience to put in the work and go meet women his age.
One of his roommates in college was about the same except looked like a Hollister model. Women would show up in the middle of the night knocking on his door asking for sex. He matched with probably 90% of the women on Tinder. For these top 1% attractiveness guys, life is very different. For an average looking guy Tinder does not work at all.
There is a growing trend of guys voluntarily withdrawing from the dating pool with the idea that prostitutes are cheaper than girlfriends and do not require an emotional investment. Plus they have no worries over unwanted pregnancies or getting MeToo notoriety. They refer to themselves as MGTOW - Men Going Their Own Way.
My wife in healthcare says I would be surprised at the number of couples who do not have sex. To me, that is a divide by zero error. I was under the assumption that physical intimacy was hard-wired. Guess not.
Link to one of the studies about the imbalance: http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-14626-002
“Women are much more discriminating than men.”
Having both a son and a daughter and knowing many of their friends very well, I really don’t think women are more discriminating…at least solely on appearance. It’s hard to generalize but I think women are looking for more than just looks.
“For these top 1% attractiveness guys, life is very different.”
That is true for top 1% of all genders, is it not?
"There is a growing trend of guys voluntarily withdrawing from the dating pool with the idea that prostitutes are cheaper than girlfriends and do not require an emotional investment. "
Honestly, for the young, intelligent women I know, this kind of attitude - even a whiff of it - would remove a guy from the “under consideration” category immediately. They do have choices and a guy with that kind of mentality would be off the table.
“I was under the assumption that physical intimacy was hard-wired. Guess not.”
There’s a full range when it comes to libidos.
My friends-and daughters- say there’s a way to describe yourself online that works. Anyone see how it’s like writing the right personal statement?
Both of mine met their SOs online. If you hired a pro for D1, this is the match that would have been suggested. Uncanny similarities. (Discovered after meeting. Not from a profile. ) Neither daughter said it was that much “work.” Not in a generation that is or was already on social media. Not compared to the alternative of, say, going to the cattle rush of clubs every weekend.
D1 had a few nice dates via tinder. Nice. Her match was on another site.
Adding. Trying to wrap my head around the idea that a guy who would opt out and go for prostitutes is somehow “desirable.” What, is has to be an easy transaction? Where’s the character in that? Why should he be pursued?
^Prostitutes? You may very well end up in a long-term relationship with Ann Tibiotics.
I wasn’t agreeing with MGTOW, just pointing it out. I sure hope it is not in my sons’ futures. AFAIK, they both would prefer monogamy and children similar to what W and I have.
Not in an unequal marketplace like Tinder. An average female in her 20s can generate the same level of interest as a top 1% male.
Here’s a story that partly illustrates the imbalance: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2016/08/01/this-guy-has-swiped-right-on-200000-women-without-much-success/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.a2449092468e
“Anyone see how it’s like writing the right personal statement?”
Yes. I’ve helped many people with both.
Some of those guys may not want relationships, but this thread is about sex not relationships. Women, not men, prefer fantasy over real life sexual partners.
@roethlisburger You’re the one that keeps tying in relationships/marriage if you look back at your posts. 
“Women, not men, prefer fantasy over real life sexual partners.”
Not even sure where this assumption is coming from. Not the reality I’ve seen, for sure, among women of many generations. Where is this idea even coming from?
What.A.Crock.
Well of my 3, the youngest is in a committed relationship that started in college. One doesn’t date at all and doesn’t use online apps (I asked) and he assumes he will find someone sooner or later but doesn’t and won’t put any energy into looking. The oldest just said bye to an on again off again gf of 8 years he met in college. I asked him why and he said she can’t commit to the relationship and is a flake so they all have sex…one more than the other two I am sure. All 3 are attractive in a classic all-American type genre and have college educations and good jobs/careers so who knows. I suspect the two older ones will eventually end up with younger women at this point in their lives as they approach 30 and beyond or they will find someone late when the young couple divorces start happening as I am seeing that now with friends 30+ unmarried males.
This thread makes me feel sad.
In the good news department, stats say the younger generations - those that are getting married - seem to be divorcing less, too.
My S recently went through a breakup and is dating someone new regularly now. He’s 6’3" though, maybe it’s that extra height? 
FWIW both women he met IRL, through mutual friends. D did meet her current BF via an app.
I’ll buy the “kids are waiting until later” thing though - neither one of mine really had HS relationships, both were what I’d call late bloomers, at least compared to me and my cohort who were mostly very active in the 80s, in HS.
Or likely just better looking @OHMomof2 .
“Women are more discriminating than men” was the result of the study I linked, not something from my personal experience. My sister seemed to have almost no standards, married into a motorcycle gang at 18 and, after the divorce, dated a meth addict.
Wouldn’t that be the expectation from an evolutionary biology standpoint, in that females make a much greater investment in offspring production than males do, so have much more incentive to choose a “good” mate?
I don’t think it is that they are more discriminating I think it is that they have something in their mind and when they find it want to marry while I think guys hit a point where they make up their mind it is time to marry and then marry who they are with or the person that comes along at that time. They don’t marry for sex or because they need little helpers on the farm. The window of opportunities open and close but I think men have an easier time of it and a wider window of opportunity because they don’t have a biological clock ticking.
Some men make a great investment in the quality of their offspring, as well. No, not the same bio clock.