But it is not random, the younger boy got superior results and was a stronger candidate. Ohio State is putting together a class of whoever scores highest.
This did not happen to my child because he is a single child. But it happened to me and my brother 40+ years ago. I got into the top major at the top college (it is hard to believe this totally “twisted” system: the top major/school for almost everybody is the same - at least back then) and my brother did not get into any college in his year and also did not get into any when he applied again in the same year I applied. This was a tough situation to be in for both of us.
A few years later, after my brother had served in the mandatory army service (every male needs to serve for 2 ye either before college or after college), he tried again. My parents asked me to “help” him prepare the test. He got in this time (but it was not because of me - he worked hard in his third try.)
All I can say is that it was a tough situation for everybody in my family to be in.
Fast-forwarding one generation later, something of the similar nature (but not as dramatic) happened again between my nephew (my brother’s kid) and my son. It was not as awkward because they did not live under the same roof and the nephew still got into a good school (but not as “nationally known”.) The not-so-good “feeling” was likely more between my brother and me again, rather than between the younger generation themselves - the younger generation likely have a healthier attitude toward the selection of their college.
None of us did anything “wrong” here, but I think none of us know how to handle the situation in a better way.
For the college application for my brother and me, that was in another country and a generation ago. The applicant would select a list of both the major and the school in the order of his/her preference before the entrance exam. Then, all applicants take a big test (which lasts 2 days?) and the resulted test score determines every applicant’s fate: where he or she gets in, or gets into any at all. It is quite a “brutal” college entrance system. (An even bigger problem was that people over there are much more obsessed with the ranking of the colleges. It wastes a lot of the society’s resources which could be used for other more productive activities instead.)
A friend of my H had a S who didn’t get into OSU right out of HS. He transferred after a year and was really happy he did. I hear that if you do well, Ohio State is easier to transfer into than it is to get in as a freshman.
My D was a much better and motivated student than my S. He grew up and did well in college but she got into schools he wouldn’t have.
If I say the following here, few of you would believe it.
When S applied to colleges, he had very little interest in spending his time on composing his list of colleges to apply to. He would rather want us to select them for him so that it could save him the “trouble”. He showed very little preference of one school over another. He thought most schools in the list WE helped him to come up with were good enough for him (accused us of tigar parenting all you want here but it was true that he truly lacks motivation on working on his list and kept postponing the task to finally wear out our patience. Of course, the actual application (once there was a list of schools) was done by himself because he knew we would not (and could not) help him on that.
He showed the similar trait in his grad school application cycle. He never wanted to work on his list. Seeing no progress at all on his end, I got the list of schools from a certain CCer whose D applied a year earlier and kindly shared it with us and we handed that list to him. He gladly took the list from us so he did not have to spend time on it (I think he said something like “this seems like a good list” but I think it is more along the line of “thank you for saving my time and efforts” considering the limited number of “seconds” he had spent on scanning the list) Luckily, his stats is likely similar to hers (except for the EC front) and they are from the same state. I think he himself modified it likely with a minor change (remove several “top schools”!), but later one of his friends at school helped him revise the list more significantly.
It is hard to believe there is some kid whose mindset is like this. I would not be surprised that he would also choose the “least efforts” approach in his next application cycle (which specialty may require the least number of applications? This could be his crucial concern!) but it should not be my concern.
S1 was the great student in our house. He was not a “bookworm”. It all just came easily for him. He chose to go to our big state u.(loved it) with three scholarships that totaled up to a full ride.
S2 was total opposite. School for him was not effortless like S1. He was a lackadaisical student. Grades were up and down, mostly down in his junior year. So the choices available to him were much different. He ended up at a big directional state u. and absolutely loved it. When he went to visit at S1’s school, he was not jealous in the least because he liked his own school better.
I get this completely, OP. Maybe one has to live in Ohio to understand just how big of a deal this can be.
All I can suggest is to support your older son in any way that you can, and listen to his frustrations if he has to talk about them (I imagine the GF will be hearing most of it though). You can also reassure him that the applicant pool varies from year to year. If he was aware that younger brother was applying to OSU, he might not be all that surprised.
Also, if he has any interest in grad school, maybe he could pursue a program at OSU.
What if the website says this year was the strongest applicant pool ever?
And what does the younger one feel if his achievement is reduced to the claim that he was just lucky, and whatever the other brother achieved is just as good, even if it isn’t?
Parents, especially Moms, tend to focus on the hurting child. It’s instinctive. @sorghum you are correct that younger S deserves his props, too. OP sounds like a loving parent who tries to give each child what he needs.
We must be lucky because our S never has a “be-all end-all dream school.” Like I posted above, he did not want to spend any time on researching any school before application and was even very reluctant to come up with the list of schools to apply to. When we asked him about his preference of schools, his answer tends to be “any school in this list is fine for me” and drops the topic.
At one time, I bought a light jacket with the longhorn logo on it (I bought it for one of my overseas trip because I needed to meet someone at a very busy airport and I wanted him to locate me easily because the orange color is somewhat “special”.)
After the trip, S found I had that jacket for that school (he did not attend that school but many of his friends did) and took it from me because he likes it so much. He wore it frequently at his school in the next few years and to his own school’s sport event (and got yelled at by a drunken alumnus: “Get out of here. You are on the wrong league.” It is not that he particularly likes that school. (He did like his friends there though - he actually audited a couple of classes there during some break (the time of school break is different) to see how a similar class was taught at that school and said their class seems to be very well taught.
If anything, his school spirit is on the “wrong” side. Hmm…come to think of this, he may have his pride for the Republic of Texas! He must have been mostly “happy” when he grew up with us in that state!