Youngest in the office?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I’m using a new username for this thread because I’d like to keep some anonymity, but I am requesting some help and advice from the CC community. Apologies for this being so long, but I want to make sure all the points are addressed</p>

<p>I’m the youngest person in my office by approximately 5 years, and I also look younger than my age (I’m 24). I work for a consulting firm doing software implementations, but my background isn’t in that field so I had to learn both the job and the coding on the fly. I’ve done a great job building trust with my co-workers and our client and showing that I know what I’m doing and can learn extremely quickly. My client representatives constantly compliment me to my boss, and they now come to me for answers/invite me to higher level meetings, sometimes over my more senior coworkers. By doing so, even my boss admits that I’ve put myself at the forefront of our team despite being the youngest and least experienced. I’m in the promotion pipeline ahead of schedule, but I am always learning more.</p>

<p>All that being said, I’ve had some issues with one specific member of my team. He makes a lot of age-related jokes about me (both to my face and to other people–including our client), and while I’m used to it with other co-workers, none of them make the jokes in front of our client. I can get shut those out, so I’m not particularly upset. What has bothered me though, is the way he reacts when I tell him things that don’t jive with the way things were done in the first phase of the project. Our manager is very laid back, and he tends to rely on us to make the day-to-day decisions, bounce them off of him, and he gives the thumbs up. I personally prefer this because it empowers us as employees, and it has worked extremely well for us in the past. Now that we’re in the second phase of the project and are working with this specific member (we did not in phase 1), it’s not working so well. Twice now, I have made a decision that my manager has backed me up on, and twice things have not gone so well when I conveyed this change to the co-worker. He gets very animated and his tone becomes less civil, and he gets pretty upset. This co-worker wasn’t working with us in phase 1 (same office but different project) so he doesn’t have the context we do for certain decisions–ie, we know that the client wants something to do X even though the requirement says Y and wrote a document accordingly–but we are trying to explain to him why we are doing things differently. I react professionally, stating why I made the decision I did (ie, it is more efficient, something isn’t approved yet, waiting on the client, etc.) and how the issue can be resolved (remove something from the document, sit down with the author, etc.).</p>

<p>I respect this co-worker, and I haven’t said anything to him about his reactions because I am far younger than him and don’t want to step on any toes. After the first occasion, I sat down with my manager and expressed my concerns, saying that I’d like him to back me up in these situations because I feel like I’m being attacked for being the messenger. </p>

<p>Is there anything else I can really do? I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I’m trying to be professional, deliver things to standards, and also satisfy our client, since in the end, that is my job.</p>

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<p>I think you are handling the situation with grace. Obviously, this person is threatened by you. Keep being professional and doing your job. The only thing I might address is the comments made in front of your client. This is very unprofessional and could undermine the relationship with the client who could choose to take the business elsewhere. I would mention this to the person directly, and then if it continues, take it to your manager. Sometimes, totally ignoring behavior without setting a boundary encourages people to continue the behavior. I know you said you ignore it and it does not really bother you, but sometimes, it is wise to call someone out on it …tactfully. If someone has no idea something is affecting someone, you can’t expect them to change it. Ignoring bullies, doesn’t always work. Good luck!</p>

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<p>And a good way to “call someone out” on this might be to say, “Why would you say that to the client?” It shows to him that you obviously think it’s NOT a good thing, but is not directly confrontatory.</p>

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<p>P.S. - You didn’t say how large this company is, but if anything were to happen to affect your employment due to this situation, or you were to ask for assistance for harrassment in the workplace, HR will ask you…“did you tell the person this was bothering you?” AND “did you tell anyone that this was happening?” OR “did you report this to your supervisor?” It sounds like you don’t want to make this into any major thing (you are being very mature) but, just make sure you cover yourself and document what action you took to address this situation and who you spoke to about it. You never know…</p>

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<p>If you don’t nip it in the bud, it will become a major deal. Nip it now by talking to this fellow.</p>

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<p>You are doing fine. This person feels threatened by you. You may want to give him a chance to come around. It is hard to see a younger person doing better than you. You may want to have a discussion with him about what you want to present before you meet with a client. Try to give him some credit in front of a client, colleague or your boss. It may make him feel better. Do not to argue with him in front of other people. If you don’t like what he has said in front others about you, pull him aside to let him know that you didn’t appreciate it. Sometimes that people are just clueless.</p>

<p>If other people also do not like him, let others speak up, no need to be the only one complaining. You said he gets hostile and his tone is uncivil, so he is the one who is acting unprofessional and I am sure other people have noticed too. I wouldn’t go to your boss all the time about this problem. Another thing you shouldn’t do is to write any angry emails. If you need to have it out with this person, do it verbally. Anything in writing is damaging. You don’t know who your friends are at work, so also do not write anything negative about this person to other people.</p>

<p>Unfortunately this is all part of working with people, there will always be few of those dick heads to ruin someone’s day. If you are good at what you do, you probably won’t have to deal with this person forever. I am 50 something, I had to put up with my unbearable boss for 6 months at my new job. It took a lot of maneuvering to move my department out of his area.</p>

<p>Good luck. This is all part of growing pain.</p>

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<p>VeryHappy–That’s a good suggestion, I want to frame it as it’s hurting the client relationship instead of it’s hurtful to me. </p>

<p>Marybee–It’s a large company, Fortune 50. I’ve documented both incidents, and other co-workers overheard/commented to me about his actions. </p>

<p>Oldfort–He’s not especially well-liked, but not hated either. More of the ‘my way is right and there is no alternative’ type, whether its sports or work-related issues. He’s a subcontractor, so there is sometimes animosity because we get a large number of vacation days/great benefits and his company does not. He also doesn’t understand the concept of personal space, so a lot of people have stopped asking him for help even though he likely knows the answer. I don’t send angry emails or anything like that…if anything, he tends to make the more snide remarks in emails (including calling out my boss for being slow at doing document reviews)</p>

<p>Thank you all for the great advice!</p>

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<p>If he says snide things in email, then he’s really a fool. One should never ever ever do that. Always keep your emails neutral or even complimentary.</p>

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<p>If he is a subcontractor then I wouldn’t worry about it.</p>

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<p>Oldfort–Why do you say that? I’m just curious…we have a number of subs in the office (maybe 1/4 of the employees), some you know they are subs and some you’d never guess.</p>

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<p>They wouldn’t have any say or impact on your progress at work. They are subcontractors for a reason. If they were any good they would be permanent. Your firm actually need to be careful about keeping too many subcontractors on for too long. There have been law suits of subcontractors suing for full benefits (to be treated like employees).</p>

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<p>Talk to HR about the age-related comments. Those are completely inappropriate and could be deemed harassment.</p>

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<p>Talk to HR only after you have made your annoyance or discomfort known to the subcontractor and if he still hasn’t changed his behavior. HR’s first question will be, “Have you told him this bothers you?” And if you say no, they’ll tell you to go back and do that.</p>

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<p>The next time there’s an incident in which this person says something demeaning in front of a client, I’d email him afterwards to firmly but politely ask that he not make such remarks (and spell out what he said that was offensive) as they reflect poorly on your employer. Copy (or blind copy) your supervisor, and perhaps bcc: your personal email address. That way if/when you need to escalate to HR you will have proof that you tried to resolve the problem on your own. </p>

<p>Things like tone of voice or seeming upset because you’re not doing things the way he prefers can be shrugged off. If he repeats his cracks about your age, you could just look bored and in a flat tone reply, “So you’ve said before. Shall we get on with the work at hand?” Eventually, he will either get tired of not provoking a reaction from you (or anyone else) or he will find his contract not renewed if his work is substandard.</p>

<p>Only if he refuses or fails to do his job and prevents you from completing your job, should you (always factually and politely) email your supervisor so that your performance evaluation doesn’t suffer from his actions. Let others point out if he holds up the overall project or causes general problems.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

15

<p>Thanks for all of the advice, I really appreciate it. </p>

<p>I’m trying to avoid going to HR for two primary reasons–I’m looking to leave this position in the next 4-6 months (not a great fit for my career, even if I am good at it) and because I fear that if I ever did, I’d be labeled one of those whiny millennials who can’t fit into an office, etc. etc. </p>

<p>In terms of the age jokes, with most people it’s a blatantly joking thing, like asking me if I’ve ever seen a typewriter, was I born during or post-Reagan, things like that. I get those things since I am so much younger–I’m also the only one without children–but I can’t exactly age any faster!</p>